This is the only place I dare voice this opinion and why I hang around this forum. I know the majority of members here will reply that it is because he does not exist. But it is becoming clearer to me that I really am completely alone. The people at the church I go to don't know about my hardships; I haven't told them because they see me as the strong competent nurse I used to be. Everywhere I turn for help has some reason to deny me. No loving god would allow this to happen.