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Jag



    Posts: 1733
  • Darwins +183/-7

junebug,

I would appreciate it a great deal if you would read this entire post without losing your temper. Please read it from beginning to end and pause for a deep breath whenever you catch yourself thinking about your feelings about what I’m saying. I want you to understand what I am saying, not what you think I’m saying.

You are setting yourself up to be a victim here. Pause, take a deep breath, then keep reading.

You have cancer. We know that. You have been making a lot of remarks about your difficult childhood in the last few weeks (noticeably more than before, to be clear). You have also been making a lot of remarks (from the beginning, again to be clear) about atheists claiming to be good without God, and expecting this forum to prove that to you. Breathe again please.

I’m not going quite so far as to say that you are being deliberately and knowingly manipulative (breathe), but I do think you are creating a situation that will fulfill your expectations, whether you realize it or not (and one more deep breath). Yes junebug, a really shitty thing has happened to you, and it’s rocked your world on every level – most of us are not disputing that in any way whatsoever (stop thinking about Nam and pay attention please). But our worlds have not been impacted in the same way, and the general forum is designed for debate, not comfort.

My opinion, based on certain posts of yours across several threads, is that you have placed this forum in the position of being your online cancer support group. (You probably ought to take another deep breath here just in case) That’s a perfectly valid expectation – after all you’ve been an active member for some time now and we’ve gotten to know you a little bit in that time. I can show you specific posts if you insist on it, but I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about – you are “playing the sympathy card” frequently.

You have set some standard of behavior, or accommodation even, that we are not meeting. That is an argument you are not going to win – the forum is not going to become your personal therapy site in any place outside of the specific area designated for exactly that. You can find the support you are seeking there and participate everywhere else as well, or you can just hang out in the comfort zone, but you need to stop mixing them up. I imagine another deep breath is in order right about now.

You’ve expressed admiration for LoriPinkAngel more than once, yet you’ve ignored her clear suggestions that you avoid the very behavior you are exhibiting. If you choose to participate in any of the general forum areas, you should fully expect to be held to the exact same standards as anyone else – you’re participating of your own volition, so it will be assumed that you are capable of handling your emotions as well.

You don’t get to be angry that we are not meeting some standard you’ve deemed appropriate that we didn’t agree to abide by. The general forum is a free-for-all provided everyone stays within the limits set out in the forum rules. The mods determine what is and is not acceptable, not your emotional state.

If Nam is being mean to you, put him on ignore and stop responding to his bait. If you think screwtape is repeating something you’ve already refuted, consider his words carefully – don’t just zip off the same response you’ve given already, think about the question a bit more, because he’s on the same point for a reason. If you’re being told that you are using a logical fallacy, and you bothered to read any of the information provided to you that explains why, and you still think the accusation is wrong, ask why for f*** sakes instead of just saying “no, it’s not” and changing the subject.

junebug, your experience here is up to you – help yourself make it a better one for you. The forum is not going to remake itself to accommodate you, so you need to figure out how to get what you need from what is available if you still plan to stay. You need to take responsibility for asking for what you need, and for accepting that you are not always going to get it. No one here owes anyone else a thing without their consent and the WWGHA general forum did not agree to this.

You are only a victim if you choose to be one. You can decide to make a single different choice at any time, and look for the outcomes of that different choice. Other people are not going to follow a script that you have running in your head – they don’t have a copy so they will improvise, and that does not make them the bad guy, it just means your unstated expectations were not met. It’s rarely as personal as you want want to make it.
Changed Change Reason Date
Traveler Well said ... breath JB October 11, 2013, 01:52:14 PM
screwtape Breathe! awesome. October 10, 2013, 09:53:40 PM