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Quesi



    Posts: 1986
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Are you f@#king serious?

Yes.  I'm serious.

Why are other people's feelings about it a problem for you? 

I don't see abortion as a big deal, provided it was an unintended or unwanted pregnancy.  I can imagine situations where it would be a big deal.  The situation you shared strikes me as a cut and dried, easy as it gets decision.  I cannot see myself even thinking twice about it or agonizing over it for a moment.  But for you it was not that. 

I'm not pissed off at you or other people who see it differently.  I'm just trying to understand where you are coming from.

You don't have to answer.  My intent was not to upset you or make you feel bad. 


All I can say is, each to their own. For me, it's something I never wish to experience. Ever.

I certainly cannot speak for all women, and I personally have never had an abortion, so I cannot even speak from personal experience.  But I have accompanied friends to abortions, and I have discussed upcoming abortions (and past abortions) with friends in very different circumstances, and at very different times in their lives.  Some include the scared high school senior, who doesn't want her parents to know.  The torn college student, who wanted to have kids, but not no, not yet.  The middle aged professional with kids in college, who was shocked to find that she could still become pregnant.   The loving mom of 3 who thinks maybe it would be great to have one more kid, but who is advised by her doctor that the health risks, given a serious pre-existing condition, would make a pregnancy dangerous to her. 

Abortion is an invasive medical procedure.  It is nasty.  And there are hormonal changes going on in many pregnant women, that amplify emotions.  And, whether the woman considers the pregnancy to be an unwanted "thing" growing in her body, or the potential child that she wants but can't have, it is a highly emotional experience for most women.

And then there is the question of who to tell, and who not to tell.  The fear of being judged.  The decision of who to bring with you to the procedure.  And finally, there are the "what ifs" that happen years later. 

As a young woman, fresh out of college, I thought that I was pregnant.  I was not ready to have a kid, but I talked about it with my boyfriend, and we decided I would have the baby.  It turned out that I was not pregnant.  But even now, I count the years of how old that child would be, and ponder how different my life would have been if I had become a mother so young.  And when I think back, 99% of me is so relieved that I have had the life that I have had.  And 1% of me is wistful.  Many (most?) women who have abortions count on their fingers too.  The child would be 7 now.  17 now.  Can you imagine, me, with a child that age?

And then there is the aftermath.  If a young woman has an abortion, and then years later, tries to become pregnant and miscarries, she will probably fear/wonder whether the earlier abortion has impacted on her ability to carry a child to term.  Or if she gives birth to a preemie after a previous abortion, she might blame herself for the pain that her newborn is going through. 

Perhaps, for some women, the decision to have an abortion is not a big deal.   But not for anyone I know.   
Changed Change Reason Date
Jag Not for anyone I know either January 17, 2013, 05:14:13 PM