So many questions, sure wish there were some real answers.
These are hard questions, dadamsjr, and thankfully there are real answers, though you may not find them immediately comforting.
You are frustrated with the Christian concept of god
because the reality of non-discriminatory suffering on this planet is not compatible with the existence of an omniscient, omnipotent, and all loving creator
. Humanity is the constant victim of not only its own psychopathic cruelty, but the indifferent cruelties of nature as well. We are plagued by a myriad number of diseases, our coasts are ravaged by devastating tsunamis, and the innocent are just as likely to suffer calamity as the wicked, yet your religions dogma would have us believe that this is all part of a benevolent deities divine plan for his beloved creation. This is called the problem of evil, and it has driven many former adherents of faith to find refuge in the logical consistency of atheism.
What happened to your wife is terrible, and i can't imagine the magnitude of the grief you must be experiencing at this time. I'm helpless to do anything but offer my most sincerest condolences, to let you know that as a fellow human being i empathize with your suffering in some small way. Because the truth of it is, life is unfair. And it's not unfair because some deity loaded the dice against us, it's unfair because the universe that we inhabit is utterly indifferent to the human condition. Once you take "God" out of the picture, things begin to make sense. We don't fall ill because "God" in his wisdom and grace ordained it, it is because in this world we coexist with billions of pestilential parasites, viruses, and bacteria, and the longer we live the greater our chances of contracting some debilitating condition. Individual prosper or meet misfortune in disproportion to their conduct or merit not because sociopathic Yahweh has a nasty gambling problem, but because life is not intrinsically just and shit happens, constantly.
In fact, if the god of the bible did exist, he himself should be put on trial for his numerous transgressions against humanity. He commits mass murder and insists upon genital mutilation in Genesis
, in Joshua he demands genocide
, he accepts children sacrifice without a word in Judges
. The new testament is no better as far as human sacrifice is concerned. What an utterly barbaric projection of human cruelty.
The complexities, grandeur, and tragedy of reality are much better explained, not to mention rationalized, from a godless perspective. Evolution is the foundation for all our recent advances in modern medicine and agriculture. The evidence for the theory is overwhelming. Religion and morality are simply human abstractions that have assisted in maintaining civilization and the survival of the species. Now that science has come along and has begun to slowly unravel the universes mysteries, the human construct of religion has lost its purpose, and a good chunk of its influence. Even the question of origins , once religions firmest stronghold, is beginning to truly be illuminated for the first time thanks to empiricism and the scientific method. Lawrence Krauss wrote a book titled A Universe from Nothing, where he argues that due to the peculiar working of quantum mechanics the universe may have sprung from nothing. Whether or not his theory is the
theory, it's a hell of a better explanation than the allegorical gibberish genesis has to offer.
In the end, i greatly admire your honesty and courage in sharing your story here, dadamsjr; and I'm only spewing all this atheistic rhetoric your way because i believe you would be rid of much unnecessary anguish and mental frustration if only you would discard this vacuous mythology and fully embrace reality for what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. But if all you need now is safe place to vent, and some sympathetic shoulders to lean on, i completely understand. Again, i am so very sorry to hear of your wife's condition, and I hope you find a half way decent job. God knows its hard to find work in this economy, if you'll pardon the expression. I sincerely wish all the best to you and yours.