The relief is immense.
It really is your fault for keep going back to a bad movie that has been played and replayed time and time again asking for answers to something that has very little truths for your present day existence. You cannot understand things that was written for a human mindset 2000+ years ago, and pretending that you do even though so many have updated it, just shows how seriously ill you are. Ground hog day or what?? Why do you keep doing it to yourself? There is no way any of this will enhance your life so that you can know God.
Ask a basic question... like -- "Who am I"? Then see the BS you and others produce. Then evolve from the BS to make sure you have only truths left. Do some real science of the self you know or at least should know.