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    Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0

Hello all. This is my first post here, though I've lurked for ages and ages before finally registering. This poll was difficult for me because I want very much to be a deist.  But I had to follow my gut instinct and pick "agnostic atheist."

Not sure why I "want" to be a deist.  I guess because I used to be a christian and it is very, very, very difficult for me to really admit to myself that I just flat out don't think there is a god. Period.  It was hard enough saying goodbye to the comfort I found in christianity.  Meaning, I loved believing I had a "personal savior" who loved me and I could talk to all day.  It was difficult for me to let go of that, but it got to the point where I knew I was just faking it to make myself feel better. 

Then I took comfort in thinking, well there MUST be a god who started all of this. But s/he sure as hell isn't around to help any of us here on Planet Earth. 

I don't know.  All of this makes my brain hurt.  It's maddening. 

All I do know is that when I forced myself to pick the choice that most resonated with me, it was agnostic atheist.

I should feel liberated I guess, but I have to confess it makes me sad.  Like when I found out Santa wasn't real - it broke my heart.  I'm 43 now and feel the same way - how humiliating, lol.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to learning here, and getting to know others and their experiences/journeys.
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