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LVMark



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I just made another post, but this is an off-shoot of that thought, which I believe deserves its own thread.

Again, this relates to a funeral that I went to.  The dearly departed was a Christian.  She enjoyed the poem "footprints in the sand" regarding walking with Jesus on a beach.  I started to think about the number of people that die every day (found on the Internet at about 150,000 per day) and just how this "walking with Jesus in heaven" thing might work.

It is reported that only about 1/3rd of the people on earth are Christians.  So, of the 150,000 that die per day, only about 50,000 would want to walk with Jesus and presumably Jesus would want to walk with.  About 1/5 are Muslim, so about 30,000 would want to walk with Allah or Mohammad, assuming that Muslims do that sort of thing.

However, there are only 86,400 seconds in a day (24 hours x 60 minutes x 60 seconds).  So, it is not like you get to take a one hour stroll on the beach with Jesus.  If he gives you one-on-one time, he can't really give you even 2 seconds before he must move on to the next person who wants to walk on the beach with him.  Whew, have your question for him ready when you get your 2 seconds, because it will be your one and only shot to talk to him, right?

Potentially, he could take a group of 10 people at once.  This would give about 15 seconds and a 5 second transition from group to group.  Not as good as one-on-one time, but at least you would get longer with him.

And of course, poor Jesus, he has to work 24x7x365 to meet either one of these standards.  Not a lot of time to be "seated at the right hand of God." 

And, whether you get 2 seconds one-on-one, or 15 seconds 10-on-1, you get this just one time, because tomorrow there are another 50,000 incoming Christians who all want their walk on the beach.

OK, so maybe this walking on the beach thing isn't possible.  Could we take the 50,000 christians incoming each day and put them in an arena (think the Staples Center in Los Angeles).  Now Jesus could at least talk to all 50,000 at once.  He could do that for 4-8 hours and still have time to be "seated at the right hand of God" in the evening and even get a good 8 hours of sleep before having to do it all over again the next day.  I am sure that Jesus had to sleep when he was here on earth, but maybe sleep is not required in Heaven?  Still, I kind of like my "downtime" and sleep is a part of that.  I'm hoping we don't have to give that up when we get to heaven (assuming that said place exists).

Of course, just like going to the Staples Center, there are court-side seats like Jack Nicholson gets and then there are nose-bleed seats.  I guess which seats you get depend on how good you were here on earth.  (Jack is a pretty good guy, but I'm not thinking he is getting court-side for the Jesus event).

Just like running an event at the Staples Center, you need a computer system for ticket management, ushers and security to be sure that no one is a seat jumper.  May need those hand-held ticket scanners like you see at events these days.  Or maybe they fingerprint scan or retina scan the incoming people? 

This is the "ticket of a lifetime" so you know there are going to be seat jumpers.  The penalty for seat jumping might be pretty high (go to hell, go directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200).

The country group "The Gatlin Brothers" once asked "Will they have Mogan David in Heaven?" and "If they don't, who the hell wants to go?"  You have to wonder at this event, will they have beer and which brands?  Hopefully it will be less than the $8-$12 that you typically see at an event such as a basketball game or a baseball game.  And, hopefully the soft pretzels are of better quality than you sometimes get at such an event.  I am hoping for a good hot dog and/or hamburger.  Maybe they have an all-you-can-eat buffet, with crab, shrimp and lobster?  There is no money in heaven, so they say, so might all of this be free?

Nonetheless, with 50,000 incoming per day, unless they have a much bigger arena than the Staples Center, I don't think you are going to be going more than once to this event. 

One might wonder, after the event, a select few might get back stage passes to "meet and greet" with Jesus?
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Astreja Hilarious reductio ad absurdum April 24, 2013, 02:14:36 PM