The Darwin count of that first post is beginning to look like an Enchant Creature from Magic: The Gathering
"Soggy Noodle Carapace: Enchanted Creature gets +1/-2 If this reduces the toughness of the creature to less than one, stop playing the game and fix yourself a bowl of Ramen. "You have been touched by the FSM! But he did it on a monday. Which explains the soggyness." "