So sorry it's so stressful for you, junebug. Traveler and Lori have given some excellent advice. I hope you and Trav can meet; she's clearly a strong, empathic survivor.
I know it probably doesn't seem so to you, but what I get from reading your posts here is a feeling of slow, relentless strength behind your anxiety and pain. Like the pressure that drives a shoot through hard soil up to the light. All the hardship you've endured is further proof of your determination to endure this passing, transient difficulty to reclaim the health and life that is already yours.
You've made your choice, and you will see it through.