The more we hear from you, SW, the more you sound like a Muslim. You have known real suffering, and the way you make sense of it is to create a very severe, harsh god in charge of everything.
That, for you, makes more sense than life with no god at all, where human beings are completely alone in the uncaring universe. But you clearly realize that a kind, loving god would not let all the bad sh!t that you have been through happen. So god has to be this very powerful, distant, ruthless bastard dictator. It is a very Islamic perspective.
The Islamic version of the one true god is also pretty harsh. He judges and we submit. Everything he does, we have to just accept because "good" is whatever god wants. No, he don't have to listen to any stupid human prayers or change anything bad that happens to us, although he could, because he can do anything. He just don't really give a good goddamn about humans because we are as ants to his greatness.
God alone decides (or actually, has already decided) who goes to paradise and who is destined for hell. The best we can do is try to figure out what he wants and to do it. Basically, life sucks and then you die. And chances are, it will then suck even more. Nice.
No wonder people who strongly believe this create regimes like in Saudi Arabia, where they publicly execute gays every Friday. No wonder the Taliban arose out of the wars in Afghanistan, and created a society where human rights don't matter. And no wonder desperately unhappy Palestinian youth blow themselves up in the hopes that they will get a free golden key to paradise.....