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    Posts: 11187
  • Darwins +1865/-9

I guess the best advice is, 1)don't ever break the law and 2)don't come under the scrutiny of the police, even if you have not broken the law. Especially if you are brown, male and between 15-30. 

So, if you are brown, male and between 15-30, stay home at all times. Work and shop from home and take classes online. Don't attend parties, movies, sports events or other social activities. Don't drive, or take public transport, esp. at night. Detain and frisk any relatives, friends or neighbors before they enter your house or car. Detain and frisk yourself as well.  You can't trust anyone these days. You are going to end up in some kind of trouble sooner or later.

Never assume that you have the right to go about your life without being put under surveillance and/or being suspected and/or being accused of wrongdoing. Consider your presence as a public service, helping to keep the police on their toes and warning other, more innocent appearing people to be cautious. When it is inevitable that you will be detained, arrested, accused or frisked, relax and enjoy it. Learn to like being tasered. Learn to love jail.

Do not be on seizure medication, be hearing impaired, mentally ill or developmentally delayed in any way, because unexpected actions, slurred speech or unusual behavior will be treated as signs of criminality. Any show of presumed disrespect, anger or hostility will be an admission of guilt of whatever you are suspected of.

Best bet is to become white, female and middle aged. Easy.

Or, go big. Become the criminal you are going to be treated as. But don't commit any petty crimes, like selling small amounts of drugs or snatching purses, or breaking into houses. That is high risk, low return penny ante crap that will put you in jail with low-lifes for many years. Go to business school and learn finance. Then you can steal millions, cause hundreds of people to lose their homes, lose their jobs, lose their retirement funds. Some of them will abuse alcohol or drugs, hurt their families, or commit suicide, but you will be filthy rich and be able to proudly vote Republican. If you get caught, you will be able to hire an expensive lawyer, go to a very nice jail for a few years, and later, retire to the Caymans.

If you can't manage all that and are picked up by the police anyway, be sure to shoot yourself in the head and save everyone the trouble of actually proving that you did anything wrong.

Changed Change Reason Date
12 Monkeys great job August 30, 2012, 09:15:44 PM
Quesi simple lifestyle changes make all the difference August 30, 2012, 07:09:35 PM