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Graybeard

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I have noticed that a lot of old people I interact with IRL or see tend to be dicks, plain and simple.
I didn't read any further. That's because I'm old and grumpy.

But you are quite right. I am an old person. And I am a dick, plain and simple. I have made a conscious effort to be a dick. You realise I wasn't always like this. Once I was like you, young and perfectly normal, got all the answers to life, thought old people were dicks.

Do you know what caused the change?

A sudden realisation on my 60th birthday that the young are all tossers, cretins and know-alls. Your music stinks: it's loud, tuneless and you can't whistle it; your fashion is stupid and overpriced, you torture the language and grammar, you have no concentration, you don't know the value of money, you have it too easy, you sponge of your parents, you ask stupid question, you don't know the meaning of "work", etc. Listen to this! We gray-wolves keep telling you about our experience, but you don't listen and make all the same mistakes - you never learn!"

But wait! Good news, everyone! If Jesus lets you live, you will become old and you will wake up one birthday and say, "Graybeard was right! Good job I bookmarked his post so I could go back and rep him."

OK, I read about the three people who got on the bus. They were right, you were wrong. When you are old, you can do anything… hear that? “Anything.” and you know what? We are right when we do it.

Look at you! Sitting there, nowhere near the place where the bus stops. They obviously took you for one of those people who sleep in bus-stops because they think it’s “cool.”

And what were you doing? Reading a book! <sarcasm>So it's obvious that you were in a hurry</sarcasm> Those old people have read more books than you. One of those books says, “Always give way to old people. They get on the bus first. Always allow a lady to board the bus first.”

Listen! By how many minutes were you delayed when you got to your stop? You and they arrived at that stop at the same time.

I read about your grandmother: she’s great, tell her I told her. She proves old people can do anything, any time and anywhere.

Imagine a country where you can tell the truth all the time. Freedom of Speech! – are you imagining that? OK, that’s where we Old People live: and no one can stop us.

Changed Change Reason Date
Mrjason I like it. April 24, 2014, 10:39:04 AM