.....it seems to me that when the bible refers to a place where there will be grinding of teeth, it refers to the people being outside of the kingdom ruled nations... which will be in the dark, wailing and grinding their teeth at us, in the kingdom of God.....
whoah - hold on there. I thought you just said that the people outside were there because they CHOSE not to follow your god? If I CHOOSE something, I don't then sit there all sad because I know the other choice was better - I'd have chosen the better side in the first place.
So what you appear to be saying is either:
1) People are expected to make a choice WITHOUT all the details - and will not be allowed to change their minds when they know the truth.
2) People will not actually be allowed to make a choice at all - god will decide who is in and who is out.
3) Or, you believe that people deliberately choose something they know is the inferior choice, because.....well, you'll need to tell me.
So which of the above is the "personal understanding" you have come to?