... When I was alone wanting to disappear/vanish felt nothing but despair where else could I have gone? Humans were the ones hurting me. Should I have turned to humans? I'm telling you w/o God there I would have wept until I died!!!
Yourself. That is who you turned to. You turned to your idea of god. I turned to my inner warrior. Another friend turned to the comfort of being in nature. Others turn to family, friends or their pets. You can call it god, but others have similar feelings of finding strength seemingly out of nowhere, but the mind is a powerful thing. Meditation, fantasy, hypnotism, prayer, and many other approaches, all can easily achieve the same thing.
I have no doubt that you've found strength you didn't know you had. However, leaping to god as an explanation is not the way to find the truth. Comfort, perhaps, but truth? No. It is not enough to make that assumption.