God indeed is imaginary,
Please dial down the emotional level on your responses. Gnu and Mar both attempted to give you sincere advice and help, which you spurned with hostility.
Freedom of speech doesn't apply here. This is not a public-sector free-for-all, it is a privately owned website. The Rules
determine what you are and are not allowed to post. Please review them.
In particular, I draw your attention to the following:
Do not post material which is illegal, libellous or otherwise inappropriate. This includes (but is not limited to) child pornography, threats of physical harm, instructions for making bombs or other improvised weapons, instructions for producing and using controlled substances, libel, racist, sexist, and homophobic comments, and excessive vulgarity.
You have made actual threats of physical harm including death to your own mother. If you were in the United States we would have reported you to the authorities. I don't know the laws in Bulgaria but I expect they're not all that different.
I also draw your attention to this:
Discussion threads are for discussion of the topic at hand, not simply advertising one's opinions. As such, forum members are expected to back up assertions they make, and not engage in stonewalling, shifting goalposts, changing the subject, or employing similar tactics to avoid addressing points raised against them.
The subject of your thread asks a simple question, as if you wanted a simple answer. Yet your OP appears to be a long plea for help. When help is offered you reject it. You claim to be proud of your sexual self-identity, yet you acknowledge that you have a serious psychological problem.
You are changing the subject, and you are using denial and hostility to avoid addressing points raised.
This is a web site and forum about the delusion of god belief. We are not a support group for sexual hangups. In fact, simply participating in this forum can be traumatic to certain fragile personality types. If your purpose is to get attention, I recommend for your sake that you look elsewhere. The Internet is a big place. Surely there's someone out there who is interested in your obsession with vulvas.