You appear to have a normal sex drive
Yes, but to me my sex drive is a problem. I wish I had no libido.
As we both know, sexual arousal is achieved when both of the following factors are met:
1. There must be enough hormones and chemicals in the body which are responsible for the arousal.
2. When that happens, certain parts of the brain become active. Also, the natural instincts which make men enjoy vaginas activate the arousal.
That's why no matter how much testosterone you treat a little boy with, he will not feel a genuine arousal, because he lacks these natural instincts.
(Feel free to correct me if you think this is not true.)
My body seems to have both the chemicals AND the natural instincts. My instincts, however, work only under the influence of the chemicals. I mean, true heterosexual men become sexually aroused whenever they see or think about vaginas. But that's not the case with me - I find vaginas appealing only when I'm nearing orgasm when I masturbate. During the rest of the time, I have severe dislike of vaginas.
and you appear to be attracted to the opposite sex (you think about and enjoy looking at women when you masturbate).
I am romantically and esthetically attracted to women. I like the structure of the female body and find women esthetically pleasing. I love the silhouette, the curves and overall the way pretty female bodies look. I like everything in the female body except the vulva. Also, I am NOT genuinely sexually
attracted to women (or to anyone else for that matter). That’s why I label myself as asexual.
And like many sexually inexperienced young people, you feel a certain amount of anxiety at the thought of having sex itself…. However, what is not normal is that mixed in with your sexual feelings are unhealthy amounts of shame and disgust.
Shame – no. I used to be very shy as a child. Recently however I am less and less shy and conservative. The more I learn about how the world ‘works’, the less I obey the universal rules the western society (which my country is part of) follows. Some people would even call me radical. I don’t precisely follow the universal understandings of what is right and what’s wrong. So, no, I don’t feel any shame whatsoever. The fact that my testicles release testosterone is not something I feel guilt or shame about.
Disgust – yes. To me pretty much everything related to sex is repulsive – vaginas, semen, natural lubricant, etc. The only things that I don’t find that disgusting are penises and to a lesser degree breasts.
Neither of these redefinitions are true. You appear to be heterosexual, not asexual; and all phobias can be treated.
You don’t know me better than I know myself. I am asexual. I think you are jumping on conclusions – just because I masturbate looking at women doesn’t mean I am heterosexual.
I actually feel sexual arousal not only to women. I find penises quite sexually attractive. I even like some types of intersexed people (you can learn more about that here
By your logic I am pansexual. But truth is that due to many reasons I am antisexual asexual.
I understand what you mean. Maybe you think that I am gay who is afraid to accept that. If I was homosexual I wouldn’t have had any problems with that. But I am asexual. I don’t want to have sex with women. I don’t want to have sex with men either. I don’t want to have sex with anyone. That’s why I’m asexual.
But you've got to understand that many many people have been in your situation, and they have been helped by psychotherapy.
I understand that I’m not the only one who this happened to. But I doubt there are THAT many people.
I don’t mind trying psychotherapy, but I don’t have big hopes it’ll help me.
You don't have to live with all this emotional distress.
Yes, my kolpophobia is a big problem indeed. It doesn’t affect my sex life (since I don’t have one
), but it affects my everyday life. I have problems interacting with women. I am biromantic (I usually fall in love with women, but I can feel love to men too). While I generally wouldn’t want to have sex with a woman I love, I’d like to show her my physical affection to her. Problem is, hugging, cuddling and other intimate non-sexual contacts require me being close to the vagina of the woman. And I don’t want to do that.
And you know you want help, GIII; why else are you bringing your personal problems to a Forum?
I’ve brought my problem on several places on the internet. Not because I need an advice (I get the same advice every time – “You must seek professional help.”) but because I want to find people who have gone through the same thing. So far I found only 1 person, though.
I wish you well.
Well, what will make me feel good right now is to make my mother die in a very slow and painful way. I doubt that’s what you mean, though.
But thank you anyway.