If He really existed and loved me, He could have shown me with the tiniest of gestures. I didn't need a miracle, just a moment. I never got either and now that I am viewing life through rational eyes I see why. Not only am I free from all the questions, I am also free from the burden that there might be something wrong with me that would keep a loving God from throwing me a crumb.
You seem to be making an underlying assumption that any suffering is bad and that any half-decent God must end all suffering immediately or else that God must hate the poor suffering person to allow them to suffer more than for the briefest moment.
If so, this is an erroneous assumption. Suffering is not all bad. Some suffering can lead to great good. An athlete for example will often experience suffering during training (no pain no gain) but through accepting that suffering can achieve potential greatness.
A parent may suffer for a child eg getting up more than once each night to feed or soothe a crying baby. Obviously a greater good is achieved through such difficulties of life.
Often some of the best things in life are only achieved or appreciated after some hardship or suffering has been experienced.
'A good God' would focus on the good end point rather than preventing any difficulties or troubles on the path to that end destination.
First of all, I do not believe that all suffering is bad. I also don't believe that God MUST end all suffering immediately. In the context of my story, my point was that if there is a God who claims to answer prayer and He has the power to work miracles, my need was simple. It didn't even require a miracle. All it required was for him to get some knowledge to me that I didn't know.
Suffering is not all bad. I just finished working out. Believe me, I suffered. But it is for the good and I even enjoyed it.
There were plenty of times when my kids suffered and I knew it was for their own good. They grew up hearing me tell them to face their fear. You can't face your fears without some suffering. We both agree on this.
But If my kids were sick, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them to lie on a heating pad, or vomit if they needed to, or anything that was within my power. And if it wasn't in my power, I wouldn't hesitate to get them medical attention.
If God wanted me to suffer by not driving a new car or by not finding that perfect wife, or a thousand other things in life, I can understand. But if it was within His grasp to help me without even needing to heal me, it makes me wonder.
And while it is true that a good God would focus on the good end point, it is also true that Christians will readily tell you that he answers prayer. His own book says that He will answer prayer. My point was that if (through my experience) God could speak to me through various ministers about all other things in my life, why couldn't he speak to me about this one thing. According to these ministers, He wasn't averse to telling me other things that He knew about me. Why not this?
Which brings me to the statement, I didn't need a miracle, just a moment.
