Hello there folks! Last year, in January of 2008 on the 1st of Muharram 1429 AH — the start of the new year according to the Islamic calendar, I announced online my apostasy from Islâm. I went onto my favourite muslim forum (mainly due to some of the posters there), Ummah.com, and announced I had turned murtad.
I simply don’t believe. Not only in Islam as a divinely–sanctioned religion, but in divinity altogether. I have read too much, seen too much the manmade origins of each religion, felt no divine presence throughout my life, seen the way nature doesn’t need a conscious guiding hand… I have seen and felt all this too much to give any credence to commonly–held notions of Divinity and Theism.
Some of the members there expressed sadness and shock, others incandescent rage and sneering hostility — and most of the latter came when I pointed out that the founder of Islam, Muhammad, sanctioned the death of apostates from Islâm. At that point people acted as though I’d ‘done a Rushdie’ and one of the moderators closed my thread quicksmart. It interests me that the ultimate act of betrayal and evil (I had announced I do not believe in allah) met with some shocked reactions, but only when I mentioned Muhammad did the moderator close my thread. Odd, that, don’t you think?
I don’t regret leaving Islâm. It has, however, left me with some flaws and old habits, though I consciously try to change them. A chap on another forum tasked me with a list of actions I should complete in order to continue moving on in my life, eg. making a pot of chili and eating it, watching the sun rise, and suchlike. None of it far removed from the way I’ve lived my life normally — but I suppose working through the list would provide me with something specific to look forward to and even push me out of my comfort zone (one of the items involves telling an attractive stranger on the street that I think she looks beautiful).
It feels a bit more like… maturity. Putting away the childish thoughts of god making everything ok and stepping up to take responsibility for my own actions. Scary, but necessary for true growth.