Author Topic: does promiscuity cause suffering?  (Read 3261 times)

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Offline junebug72

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Re: does promiscuity cause suffering?
« Reply #232 on: May 10, 2017, 06:57:46 AM »
I have been ambiguous.  I have generalized.  I have just been awful. 

I'm tackling subjects above my head. 

My sincere apologies.   I am going to debate theists because I'm not smart enough to debate my fellow atheists.

I am sure I am the dumbest atheist here. 

There won't be any more rotten posts from me.  I'm going to try real hard.

No more posting from my phone for sure.

Again sincere apologies for all of this. 

I just want peace for us all.  I need to walk away.  I am not a victim of anyone but myself.   My own worst enemy.
Words are like weapons, they cut like a knife into your psyche, they can lift you up or tear you down...

Offline velkyn

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Re: does promiscuity cause suffering?
« Reply #233 on: May 10, 2017, 07:04:11 AM »
I have been ambiguous.  I have generalized.  I have just been awful. 

I'm tackling subjects above my head. 

My sincere apologies.   I am going to debate theists because I'm not smart enough to debate my fellow atheists.

I am sure I am the dumbest atheist here. 

There won't be any more rotten posts from me.  I'm going to try real hard.

No more posting from my phone for sure.

Again sincere apologies for all of this. 

I just want peace for us all.  I need to walk away.  I am not a victim of anyone but myself.   My own worst enemy.

unfortunately, this seems like the usual cycle again, playing the martyr.  I hope you follow thorough. 
« Last Edit: May 10, 2017, 07:20:35 AM by velkyn »
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Offline Emma286

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Re: does promiscuity cause suffering?
« Reply #234 on: July 08, 2017, 02:35:34 AM »
Can't help being curious on this Jag (I've never been through anything like this) was there actually mutual lust there alongside the liking each other as people?
Not sure how to answer that, to be honest. I saw it more as two friends helping each other out. I know that sounds weird, now that I see it written out like that, lol, but that's really what it was to me. I thought he was good looking, and of course that helped, but no, it wasn't like I think you mean.

Thanks for sharing Jag, appreciate that.

This is what occurs to me! I see that, most likely, if there was a total lack of lust involved (in such a situation) then it'd be pretty tough for a female (I have heard before that guys can find it pretty easy to go to bed with women that they're not even physically attracted to though then again I guess that depends on the guy in question) to get aroused enough to go through with things.

Then again, it does also occur to me that if a female had a high enough general sex drive then not necessarily. Appreciating that sex drive strengths vary amongst different people!

Oh god no. I decided to sleep with him precisely because I was confident that I wouldn't "fall" for him. I was enjoying being single and dating a lot, but realized that sex would cloud my judgment about anyone I was considering as a LTR possibility. So I decided to limit sex to someone I wouldn't get hung up on, and dated lots of guys for about a year and a half. It was honestly a great deal of fun, and no one was hurt by it.

Looking back, I think I was really, really lucky. Right place, right time, right person. I would hesitate to endorse it as a course of action to others, I think it takes either a certain combination of personality traits, or the intersection of several distinct elements to do it as ...gracefully? ... as we did. We went in absolutely committed to making sure his live-in girlfriend would NEVER know, there was no question of disrupting that relationship on either of our parts. That takes a lot of trust, he was risking a lot more than I was.

Thanks again for explaining and understood! Not having much dating or relationship experience compared to some (I've only ever been in 2 serious relationships and outside of those never dated anyone) it's interesting to hear about other people's different experiences!

Offline Emma286

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Re: does promiscuity cause suffering?
« Reply #235 on: July 08, 2017, 03:17:08 AM »
I have been ambiguous.  I have generalized.  I have just been awful. 

I'm tackling subjects above my head. 

My sincere apologies.   I am going to debate theists because I'm not smart enough to debate my fellow atheists.

I am sure I am the dumbest atheist here. 

There won't be any more rotten posts from me.  I'm going to try real hard.

No more posting from my phone for sure.

Again sincere apologies for all of this. 

I just want peace for us all.  I need to walk away.  I am not a victim of anyone but myself.   My own worst enemy.

And then it doesn't tend to be long, Junebug, before you resort back to making comments like this below (similar to what you recently posted in that "Is it okay to be me" thread of yours in the support section)


I wish I had never told you people I was going back to school. 

I don't want your advice anymore.  Nobody here is my teacher, my mother, my therapist, or my conscience.

And what tends to be the typical trigger for resorting back to such comments after you've said different? People saying negative stuff to you (even if this is for valid and reasonable reasons) that you strongly disagree with/misinterpret. And when you resort to comments like this, it very much does come across to me (as it does to others) like a child throwing a tantrum.

And before you start attacking me for saying that, I'm not setting out to be cruel or nasty to you in pointing out such things. I'm simply speaking (honestly) as I find. There is a difference between the two things.

I never used to notice this stuff so much (although did gather that you get upset by things very easily which I found/find very understandable) and genuinely did start off feeling very sorry for you. In fact, I've felt that way for most of the time I've been here. That's why I took time to be supportive to you in private and publicly in threads. But now I'm not always saying things that you like hearing (whenever I cease using sympathetic/empathetic comments towards you which isn't appropriate to do in communications with others all the time), you're now starting to show this kind of online behaviour towards me regularly too.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 03:21:24 AM by Emma286 »

Offline Emma286

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Re: does promiscuity cause suffering?
« Reply #236 on: July 08, 2017, 03:49:25 AM »
This also fits Gaslighting.  A vicious fallacy of evidence in order to disoriente a vulnerable opponent to make her doubt her sanity.

Anyone can be accused of gaslighting.  That in itself can be a tactic of abuse - to tell someone that expressing their legitimate difficulties with you all amounts to them gaslighting you.

Is this still abuse if the accusation is made as a result of unintentional error?

It's just that I have some understanding of how people can easily reach incorrect conclusions about others/strongly believe them - without any kind of deliberate harmful intent towards said other person being behind things.

Offline Azdgari

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Re: does promiscuity cause suffering?
« Reply #237 on: July 08, 2017, 11:27:32 AM »
If it's part of a pattern of behaviour that someone refuses to recognize, then that refusal to recognize it is the decision to abuse.
I always say what I mean. But sometimes I'm a sarcastic prick whose tone can't be properly communicated via text.

Offline Emma286

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Re: does promiscuity cause suffering?
« Reply #238 on: July 08, 2017, 11:36:19 AM »
Ah, got you! Thank you for taking the time to explain Azdgari.