For the past, nine months, I have watched my mother's physical and emotional well-being slowly deteriorate over what had been one misdiagnosis after another before her doctors had finally managed to diagnose her with a "very rare" motor neuron disorder (some form of ALS).
Today was the last day of the only "treatment" shown to have any hope of possibly restoring her ability to walk; a five-day infusion of antibodies meant to bolster her own failing ones. Now, it's a matter of waiting to see if this has any positive effect. Until then, my family is hoping for the best.
One thing you need to know about my girlfriend in order to put in to context what I am about to share is that when we first met, she was an agnostic and a skeptic just like myself. Over the past year or so, however, I have watched her slowly assume a bizarre spiritualistic mindset where she has convinced herself that all of the "strange" coincidences in her life are the result of some "higher intelligence" trying to contact/guide her. This has resulted in us having more and more frequent arguments about our respective opinions on what constitutes reality.
It was this past Monday while stopping home on my work break to give my girlfriend an update as to my mother's health that she blindsided me with what was a cruel and completely uncalled for criticism that was a direct attact on my non-belief in god(s).
The first words out of her mouth were that I was doing my mother a "diservice" by not praying for her recovery, and that it was my "pride" that was preventing me from doing the one thing that might be my mother's only hope.
I don't have the will or desire to go in to the vicious verbal fight that followed, but I was left both hurt, stunned and angry that she had chosen that time... knowing that I have spent almost every day worrying and looking after my mom... to basically attempt to put a guilt trip on me, as if it was my non-belief to blame for "God" not answering my mother's own prayers for a cure for her condition.
Anyhow, while outwardly I am keeping an optimistic attitude for my mother's sake, inwardly have been in a very dark state of mind where I simply cannot deal with anyone of a theistic nature and their bullshit views on "prayers" and "miracles" for fear of venting my pent-up anger and disgust by responding in a vicious and scathing manner that would serve very little purpose other than to possibly get me reported and put in "watched" mode.
So, I feel it best to step away from the Forum until I know one way or the other what my mother's future, physical health will be and to process the end of my relationship with my now ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, we own a house together which is going to be a whole, new hornet's nest of problems to deal with.
Bye for now.