My journey started around 20 years ago. I was raised in a fundy baptist church. I loved it. I had friends I loved Jesus. One Sunday I went home with my friend to spend the night. I was about 8 years old. Her father fondled me. I had my first orgasm. I was so ashamed of what had happened. I told no one.
Six or seven years go by. We changed churches twice. My mom did not appreciate the gossip. Church #2 evicted a family for not paying tithes after daddy lost his job. Church #3 again gossip. Five years later that preacher's sons were on the news accused of murdering the older brother's wife. They were both found guilty and sentenced to death. They shot her then burned down the house.
My mom left my dad and that was the end of church. I was becoming promiscuous. This began my journey of non-belief. Where was God during all this? Why didn't God protect me? My family was all to hell. All proclaimed Christians, none of them attended church. None of them loved like Jesus said. This only encouraged my non-belief. I got pregnant with my son at 16 and gave birth at 17. Kicked out I was saved by a bunch of potheads. This then became my religion. I didn't think about God; I didn't talk about God.
I totaled my car and found myself back at my father's house. Every morning we got up had our coffee and talked about God. We studied the bible. He was worried about going to hell because he remarried. He thought he was committing adultery.
we found this verse where Jesus describes God's love as being more abundant that your earthly fathers. We both knew that earthly fathers are capable of forgiveness. Earthly fathers would not torture their offspring for all eternity, the good ones that is.
Many fathers are guilty of sending their sons off to war.
By the way I started to see how all those bad things from my past happened to make a very decent human being. Then we got the news about my brother. He had pancreatic cancer and 6 months to live. He was serving his life sentence for molesting my son. I felt my mother's pain, my father's pain. I decided to do what I could to make this horrible situation as bearable as I could for my parents. It had been 10/11 years it was time, I forgave him. I stood there holding his hand singing to him the most beautiful songs I new about heaven. Then with his last breath he told me once more he was sorry. When his spirit departed I felt I was in the presence of angels. I felt I had been in the protection of angels a few times. It was that, that caused me to rethink God's existence. How God doesn't need a bible to exist. That the bible was the work of man not God.
The rest of my beliefs totally developed around this one concept; GOD IS LOVE!