I'm going to have to admit that I have anger issues with religion. I try to be empathetic and then a Christian says something stupid and my anger comes right back. Like Joel Olsteen saying being gay is a sin. I quit following him on FB because of. That comment by Phil Robertson, ugh. The list goes on and on.
I can honestly say I know exactly how you are feeling, junebug. It wasn't long ago when I could not even discuss the topic of religion with a Christian without resorting to anger, scorn and contempt. The strange this was that my reaction had nothing to do with my being a lesbian... I have been extremely fortunate to have the love and support of my family and have never personally been the subject of anti-gay sentiment stemming from religious doctrine. It was more a result of seeing the negative, destructive effect Christianity (and their non-supportive, Christian friends and family members) were having on those of my GLBT friends struggling and trying to come to terms with their own issues.
It took me a while, but nowadays I have learned to (with the exception of wastes of oxygen like the Phelps clan) "love the
Christian, hate the
archaic, judgmental, and ofttimes barbaric belief system they adhere to".
I think I might be gay because of my childhood abuse. I don't trust a man. I'm not sure I was born this way. I was always a tomboy but not all tomboys are gay. Maybe a combination of the two. Plus I think it was because I did not want to be a servant to a man. I was not cherished by my father like a little girl should be. I really believe it was a combination of things. The relationship I observed between mom and dad was not good
I am so, so sorry to hear about your abuse. Nothing is more abhorrent in my eyes than causing harm to a child.
I also want to add that I can understand and sympathize with how you came to distrust men based on how you were treated at the hands of the one man who should have been your greatest protector and source of feeling loved in this world. I know it may be difficult sometimes, but try not to allow whomever abused you cause you to place all men in a similar light.
In regards to why you are, or feel you are gay, I do not feel it would be right for me to speculate. I have my own feelings on the nature vs. nurture debate, but either way as long as you are being true to yourself, that's all that really matters.
I met my first girlfriend right after I got pregnant with my son. I've been gay ever since! I felt a connection to her I had never experienced with a man.
I hope the two of you continue to have true happiness together.