Author Topic: Forgiveness...  (Read 891 times)

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Offline RubyLeo

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Forgiveness...
« on: November 01, 2013, 03:07:38 PM »
Wondering how to process forgiveness now that I no longer have the crushing weight of biblegod over me.  Don't misunderstand, I know what forgiveness is and that xtians don't have a copyright on it. Xtians sure as hell did not invent morality!

But I have some simmering, lingering resentment for a couple of people from my past.  I used to ask god to forgive me a lot for thinking angry thoughts about them, and would ask him to help me forgive them. No help from my invisible sky daddy friend, obviously.  Now I just have to answer to myself. Which is a good thing.

Why is this so much easier in theory than in practice?

I'm ecstatic that I no longer feel like I have to confess to biblegod that I'm a piece of shit for thinking angry thoughts.  That's wonderful.  But I still believe strongly that I need to forgive a couple of people - that hanging on to anger only hurts myself.

But there is a tiny little part of me that says "fuck it - don't forgive. It's not a freaking 'sin' - so just move on and quit trying so hard to forgive." 

I'm curious as to what others think about the concept of forgiveness. How do you apply it? The concept of forgiveness was a huge theme in all of my spiritual readings.  So maybe I'm just a bit sick of it. Thoughts?





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Online jaimehlers

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2013, 03:15:13 PM »
Forgiving people isn't about how you feel about them.  It's about how you feel about you.

Either way, holding onto anger is like continuing to whet a blade - eventually, you start to wear it down.

Online Nam

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2013, 03:20:59 PM »
Wondering how to process forgiveness now that I no longer have the crushing weight of biblegod over me.  Don't misunderstand, I know what forgiveness is and that xtians don't have a copyright on it. Xtians sure as hell did not invent morality!

But I have some simmering, lingering resentment for a couple of people from my past.  I used to ask god to forgive me a lot for thinking angry thoughts about them, and would ask him to help me forgive them. No help from my invisible sky daddy friend, obviously.  Now I just have to answer to myself. Which is a good thing.

Why is this so much easier in theory than in practice?

I'm ecstatic that I no longer feel like I have to confess to biblegod that I'm a piece of shit for thinking angry thoughts.  That's wonderful.  But I still believe strongly that I need to forgive a couple of people - that hanging on to anger only hurts myself.

But there is a tiny little part of me that says "fuck it - don't forgive. It's not a freaking 'sin' - so just move on and quit trying so hard to forgive." 

I'm curious as to what others think about the concept of forgiveness. How do you apply it? The concept of forgiveness was a huge theme in all of my spiritual readings.  So maybe I'm just a bit sick of it. Thoughts?







Not forgiving people = Nam

Do you want that?

;)

-Nam
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Offline Nick

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2013, 03:24:52 PM »
Christians seem to use it as a free get out of jail card.  GOP politicians come to mind.  It just seems a little to easy and convenient when God is involved.  If I forgive someone for something it is because I want to...not because of anything God related.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

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Offline Foxy Freedom

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2013, 03:34:53 PM »
Don't even try to forgive people.

Find out how successful they are, do better than them, and make sure they know that you have done better.

That way you will have the last laugh and your anger will disappear when you no longer need it.





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Offline William

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2013, 03:35:38 PM »
RubyLeo, what a fascinating topic! :)

I tend to agree with this:
But there is a tiny little part of me that says "fuck it - don't forgive. It's not a freaking 'sin' - so just move on and quit trying so hard to forgive."

I've learned that some people are just pathetically selfish or stupid.  I cope with it by lowering my expectations, mentally categorising them as defective humans, and moving on.

If I'm forced to deal with them regularly, (e.g. neighbours) I think it's worth finding the courage and opportunity to level with them and tell them how their actions have affected you - so they have an opportunity to apologise.  It they don't see the problem or don't apologise, at least it's out in the open and you don't have to explain why you don't gush with affection for them anymore.
Git mit uns

Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2013, 03:55:21 PM »


Not forgiving people = Nam

Do you want that?

;)

-Nam

Why not? I admire your honesty after all.  :)
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Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2013, 03:57:07 PM »
Christians seem to use it as a free get out of jail card.  GOP politicians come to mind.  It just seems a little to easy and convenient when God is involved.  If I forgive someone for something it is because I want to...not because of anything God related.

I'm with you on that. Get out of jail free card - love it.  I think of Jimmy Swaggart and other slimy smarmy TV preachers.  Ick.

"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
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Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2013, 03:59:08 PM »
Don't even try to forgive people.

Find out how successful they are, do better than them, and make sure they know that you have done better.

That way you will have the last laugh and your anger will disappear when you no longer need it.

I like the way you think.   ;)

I consider success the fact that I have a happy, fulfilling life.  While the ones I'm trying to forgive seem stuck on a gerbil wheel.  So there is that....
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
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Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2013, 04:04:43 PM »


I've learned that some people are just pathetically selfish or stupid.  I cope with it by lowering my expectations, mentally categorising them as defective humans, and moving on.

YES! This really resonates with me.  I think if my gut instincts are completely resistant to "forgiveness" then perhaps I should listen to it.


Quote
If I'm forced to deal with them regularly, (e.g. neighbours) I think it's worth finding the courage and opportunity to level with them and tell them how their actions have affected you - so they have an opportunity to apologise.  It they don't see the problem or don't apologise, at least it's out in the open and you don't have to explain why you don't gush with affection for them anymore.

Good points here.  Lucky for me, I don't deal with these people anymore.  They are on the fringes of my life. I can pretty easily just flick them out of my life like a booger.  I don't do Facebook or social networking.....it's a matter of just not responding to the random email or text they send, acting like everything is peachy.  THAT is when I think "well I should be mature" blah blah blah.

Well maybe the mature thing to do is to just ignore and move on.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!  :)
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #10 on: November 01, 2013, 04:06:53 PM »


Not forgiving people = Nam

Do you want that?

;)

-Nam

Why not? I admire your honesty after all.  :)

Not to sound offensive but from what I have gathered by your posts so far, you don't have the personality to be like me. Admiring such an attitude is quite different than having such an attitude. I am the way I am because I am indifferent to people--you're not, and don't be. It's not something I would recommend to people, especially nice people.

-Nam
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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2013, 04:14:36 PM »
I wouldn't worry about forgiving others unless the past problem still gnaws at you. Like if it keeps you awake at night or causes ulcers or whatever. Then you might look into a few alternatives.

Some things should be impossible to forgive (an adult sexually abusing a child, for instance) but the child, whether still young or grown up still has to live with the fact that bad things happened. But to let that level of harm continue to cause problems means that the molester is still winning. So while I sincerely hope that your past issues are not quite as horrendous, nonetheless, if you can find a way to stop it from being an issue in your current life, then you get to come out the victor.

So in essence, you're not forgiving the other person, you are figuring out a way to let their transgressions to become non-issues in your current life.

There is a cute little trick where you can fool your brain into confusing one bad memory with one good memory and after that, the bad one doesn't bother you any more. However, the good one isn't good any more either. I forget what its called, but it is something I learned back when I was willing to pay $1000 for Neuro-Linguistic Programming seminars. Which is also where I learned never to pay $1000 for a seminar again. But I'll try to track down instructions on how its done. They  make it all mysterious, but it is really pretty simple. With only one lesson from the otherwise big-time rip-off artists, I actually helped a friend who had just been in an nearly fatal accident stop being afraid to drive again. I used the word "actually" there because I seldom actually succeed at anything, so it still surprises me that it worked, even 30 years later. 

P.S.  You will notice that Nam is so insistent on being an asshole that he won't even let you compliment him. He's good. We've learned to live with it. Hope you can too.  ;)
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Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #12 on: November 01, 2013, 04:17:56 PM »


Not forgiving people = Nam

Do you want that?

;)

-Nam

Why not? I admire your honesty after all.  :)

Not to sound offensive but from what I have gathered by your posts so far, you don't have the personality to be like me. Admiring such an attitude is quite different than having such an attitude. I am the way I am because I am indifferent to people--you're not, and don't be. It's not something I would recommend to people, especially nice people.

-Nam

No that doesn't offend me.  And you're right - there is no way in hell I could be like you. It's just not in my nature.  I'm sensitive, I'm careful, I can tip-toe around things...etc. etc.  But I have always admired those who tell it like it is, who call a spade a spade.  My brother is like that. Plenty of people think he is an asshole.  But more people respect him because he says what everyone else is thinking. He does not give a flying shit what anyone thinks.  I do.  So, that can't be changed. 
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
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Offline neopagan

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #13 on: November 01, 2013, 04:26:39 PM »
RLeo,

I asked a similar question awhile back and if I were not in such a lazy-ass mood right now, I'd crash the forum searching for it (would you all forgive me?).

As a recovering theist, I have become equally selfish about forgiveness.  I don't owe it to anyone - and I can give it or withold it as I wish.  I'm not losing any sleep over those I choose not to forgive (either becasue I think they are a lying twit who's just trying to clear their conscience with their god or because I just don't give a flip about the person).

I'll certainly ask for forgiveness, but it has nothing to do with any god(s).

One example: A former friend from the former church came to me and asked for my forgiveness about how he had a huge part in the effort my wife made to bring me up on Matthew 18 charges before the church (long, stupid story, but the church elders eventually threw the complaint out as totally without merit).  This douchebag came to me because "god wanted him to" - not because he had really done anything wrong personally by never talking to me about the issue, but going behind my back and believing the falsehoods he heard.  I asked him if he saw what he had done as wrong and all he could say was - "I did what the spirit lead me to at the time."  I told him to fuck off (or some other French word)
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Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2013, 04:28:55 PM »
I wouldn't worry about forgiving others unless the past problem still gnaws at you. Like if it keeps you awake at night or causes ulcers or whatever. Then you might look into a few alternatives.

No, it's nothing like that.  It's not even a daily thing.  It's just this occasional feeling of guilt that I don't want to forgive some pretty shitty behavior.

Quote
Some things should be impossible to forgive (an adult sexually abusing a child, for instance) but the child, whether still young or grown up still has to live with the fact that bad things happened. But to let that level of harm continue to cause problems means that the molester is still winning. So while I sincerely hope that your past issues are not quite as horrendous, nonetheless, if you can find a way to stop it from being an issue in your current life, then you get to come out the victor.

No, not anything horrific like that.  Just your garden variety betrayal.  Not my husband, thank god - since I have to live with him, lol. 

Quote
So in essence, you're not forgiving the other person, you are figuring out a way to let their transgressions to become non-issues in your current life.

I like that way of thinking.

Quote
There is a cute little trick where you can fool your brain into confusing one bad memory with one good memory and after that, the bad one doesn't bother you any more. However, the good one isn't good any more either. I forget what its called, but it is something I learned back when I was willing to pay $1000 for Neuro-Linguistic Programming seminars. Which is also where I learned never to pay $1000 for a seminar again. But I'll try to track down instructions on how its done. They  make it all mysterious, but it is really pretty simple. With only one lesson from the otherwise big-time rip-off artists, I actually helped a friend who had just been in an nearly fatal accident stop being afraid to drive again. I used the word "actually" there because I seldom actually succeed at anything, so it still surprises me that it worked, even 30 years later. 

I've heard of this - but don't know how to do it. You cracked me up with the "learned never to pay $1000 for a seminar again"  :laugh:

Quote
P.S.  You will notice that Nam is so insistent on being an asshole that he won't even let you compliment him. He's good. We've learned to live with it. Hope you can too.  ;)

I've noticed.  ;D  I have practice with it.  I mentioned my brother before - he's 4 years older than me, and growing up with him was quite the adventure, in that I was this very sensitive child, and he was the complete opposite.  He's still an asshole, but he's also one of my best friends. 
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2013, 04:34:17 PM »


As a recovering theist, I have become equally selfish about forgiveness.  I don't owe it to anyone - and I can give it or withold it as I wish.  I'm not losing any sleep over those I choose not to forgive (either becasue I think they are a lying twit who's just trying to clear their conscience with their god or because I just don't give a flip about the person).

I'll certainly ask for forgiveness, but it has nothing to do with any god(s).

I hear you, and I like it. I like the idea of choosing NOT to forgive - it actually feels good just writing that out.

Quote
One example: A former friend from the former church came to me and asked for my forgiveness about how he had a huge part in the effort my wife made to bring me up on Matthew 18 charges before the church (long, stupid story, but the church elders eventually threw the complaint out as totally without merit).  This douchebag came to me because "god wanted him to" - not because he had really done anything wrong personally by never talking to me about the issue, but going behind my back and believing the falsehoods he heard.  I asked him if he saw what he had done as wrong and all he could say was - "I did what the spirit lead me to at the time."  I told him to fuck off (or some other French word)

Well holy shit.  I am so glad you told him to fuck off - what a complete ass-clown. I'm impressed you left it at "fuck off."  That's just.......awful.  I'm so sorry you had to endure that kind of shit sandwich.  :(

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this. The more I read the responses, the better I'm feeling about my whole gut instinct on the matter, which is, to be blunt "fuck it."
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #16 on: November 01, 2013, 04:37:28 PM »
I like jaime and PP's approach:

Forgiving people isn't about how you feel about them.  It's about how you feel about you.

Either way, holding onto anger is like continuing to whet a blade - eventually, you start to wear it down.

I wouldn't worry about forgiving others unless the past problem still gnaws at you. Like if it keeps you awake at night or causes ulcers or whatever. Then you might look into a few alternatives.

Some things should be impossible to forgive (an adult sexually abusing a child, for instance) but the child, whether still young or grown up still has to live with the fact that bad things happened. But to let that level of harm continue to cause problems means that the molester is still winning. So while I sincerely hope that your past issues are not quite as horrendous, nonetheless, if you can find a way to stop it from being an issue in your current life, then you get to come out the victor.

So in essence, you're not forgiving the other person, you are figuring out a way to let their transgressions to become non-issues in your current life.

Those strike me as very practical ways of dealing with transgressions, real or perceived. A theist might see that as too self-oriented and dismissive of others, but I see it as benefiting your transgressors as well. Especially if you have to interact with them regularly.
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Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #17 on: November 01, 2013, 04:44:15 PM »

Those strike me as very practical ways of dealing with transgressions, real or perceived. A theist might see that as too self-oriented and dismissive of others, but I see it as benefiting your transgressors as well. Especially if you have to interact with them regularly.

Ironic, in that I think of most theists/xtians to be extremely self-oriented and dismissive of others - others who don't see things the way they do.  Go to any comment section on the web where you have xtians/theists and prepare to be shocked at the assholery.  Or actually, you probably wouldn't be shocked, lol.  :laugh:
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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2013, 04:55:01 PM »
I like jaime and PP's approach:

Forgiving people isn't about how you feel about them.  It's about how you feel about you.

Either way, holding onto anger is like continuing to whet a blade - eventually, you start to wear it down.

I wouldn't worry about forgiving others unless the past problem still gnaws at you. Like if it keeps you awake at night or causes ulcers or whatever. Then you might look into a few alternatives.

Some things should be impossible to forgive (an adult sexually abusing a child, for instance) but the child, whether still young or grown up still has to live with the fact that bad things happened. But to let that level of harm continue to cause problems means that the molester is still winning. So while I sincerely hope that your past issues are not quite as horrendous, nonetheless, if you can find a way to stop it from being an issue in your current life, then you get to come out the victor.

So in essence, you're not forgiving the other person, you are figuring out a way to let their transgressions to become non-issues in your current life.

Those strike me as very practical ways of dealing with transgressions, real or perceived. A theist might see that as too self-oriented and dismissive of others, but I see it as benefiting your transgressors as well. Especially if you have to interact with them regularly.


I like my way: "Fuck you very much, and have a nice day." I recently said that to an Aunt of mine. She was flabbergasted that I'd say that to her but she started the argument, I ended it. Apparently, she was so upset that someone talked that way to her, especially a nephew of hers who should show more respect (it's funny how she didn't feel she owed me any), that she didn't come out of her room for three days. Talk about sensitive. This is a problem some people have, especially family members to other family members: they think they can do and say what they want without consequence; and, the sad thing is: people allow them to get away with it because they are a father, or a mother, or an Aunt, or Uncle, etc., well, my response is "Fuck you". You treat me like shit, I treat you like shit. I give a fuck who you are.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline RubyLeo

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2013, 05:04:30 PM »

I like my way: "Fuck you very much, and have a nice day." I recently said that to an Aunt of mine. She was flabbergasted that I'd say that to her but she started the argument, I ended it. Apparently, she was so upset that someone talked that way to her, especially a nephew of hers who should show more respect (it's funny how she didn't feel she owed me any), that she didn't come out of her room for three days. Talk about sensitive. This is a problem some people have, especially family members to other family members: they think they can do and say what they want without consequence; and, the sad thing is: people allow them to get away with it because they are a father, or a mother, or an Aunt, or Uncle, etc., well, my response is "Fuck you". You treat me like shit, I treat you like shit. I give a fuck who you are.

-Nam

Someone not coming out of their room for 3 days b/c of "hurt feelings" is beyond sensitive. That's just stupid. Did she think she was going to teach you a lesson or something? LOL

My sister is way more sensitive than I am.  I steer clear of arguing with her b/c she predictably pulls the victim role, which I loathe and have zero respect for, so then I blow up at her (and I have a sailor mouth - I'm sensitive but I'm not pollyanna) and then she refuses to talk to me for X amount of time. 

If there is one thing that sends me over the edge it's people playing victim.  :P
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Offline Truth OT

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #20 on: November 01, 2013, 05:12:38 PM »
But I have some simmering, lingering resentment for a couple of people from my past.  I used to ask god to forgive me a lot for thinking angry thoughts about them, and would ask him to help me forgive them. No help from my invisible sky daddy friend, obviously.  Now I just have to answer to myself. Which is a good thing.

Whern we have issues in our lives that we do not deal with they tend to have a way of negatively affecting us. It sounds like these people are still able to affect you in some way that makes you feel some kinda way, so because that's the case my advice would be to deal with your feelings by dealing with them if at all possible. For your own peace of mind forgiving them (e.i. being able to let whatever it is about them that bothers you go) may be very rewarding.

As far as forgiveness goes, part of me thinks it's a way to cower away from dealing with things that bother us and pretending we are no longer affected so we can seem pious.

Offline Chronos

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #21 on: November 01, 2013, 05:12:45 PM »
But I have some simmering, lingering resentment for a couple of people from my past.

Quote
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
? Eleanor Roosevelt

You might ask yourself why it still bothers you after all these years. It has obviously affected you more than the person who committed the offense. Commonly, we tell people to forgive and forget. The problem is that the forgetting must occur first. Consequently, no one can make you forget without your consent. Forgiveness is the mercy cast down upon the guilty, so you will feel superior when you forgive.

Perhaps the phrase should be get over it and forgive.




Just don't forget this: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
John 14:2 :: In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

Offline Jonny-UK

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #22 on: November 01, 2013, 05:15:06 PM »
I think you have to be honest with yourself about the nature of the forgiveness.
Do you want to forgive someone simply because you think you should or because you think they deserve it.
If you feel that it is not deserved then don't. No god is going to judge you so just be confident in your own opinion on the situation, you are more than likely going to be right.
"Do I look like someone who cares what god thinks" - pinhead

Offline skeptic54768

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #23 on: November 01, 2013, 05:25:28 PM »
Please focus on the forgiveness. Anybody can hold a grudge. It's the easiest thing in the world. The bigger man takes the high road and simply forgives. They don't stoop to the other person's level like Nam says he does. Above, Nam said that he treats people like shit if they treat him like shit. This makes Nam no better than the people that treat him like shit.

You must take the high road and not stoop down to the other person's level. It makes you look like a baby.

I used to know a guy who used to curse at me every day and say he hated me. He would say awful things. I would always respond back, "i love you, brother." After 2 years, yes 2 years, he broke down crying when I said it one day and he said to me, "I am astonished that you kept your cool through all this. I can't be mean to you anymore. I am sorry." I said, "it's easy with Jesus. No reason to get mad."
« Last Edit: November 01, 2013, 05:29:40 PM by skeptic54768 »
Matthew 10:22 "and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved." - Jesus (said 2,000 years ago and still true today.)

Offline William

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #24 on: November 01, 2013, 05:32:02 PM »
I used to know a guy who used to curse at me every day and say he hated me.

Makes sense  :-\
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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #25 on: November 01, 2013, 05:32:07 PM »

I like my way: "Fuck you very much, and have a nice day." I recently said that to an Aunt of mine. She was flabbergasted that I'd say that to her but she started the argument, I ended it. Apparently, she was so upset that someone talked that way to her, especially a nephew of hers who should show more respect (it's funny how she didn't feel she owed me any), that she didn't come out of her room for three days. Talk about sensitive. This is a problem some people have, especially family members to other family members: they think they can do and say what they want without consequence; and, the sad thing is: people allow them to get away with it because they are a father, or a mother, or an Aunt, or Uncle, etc., well, my response is "Fuck you". You treat me like shit, I treat you like shit. I give a fuck who you are.

-Nam

Someone not coming out of their room for 3 days b/c of "hurt feelings" is beyond sensitive. That's just stupid. Did she think she was going to teach you a lesson or something? LOL

My sister is way more sensitive than I am.  I steer clear of arguing with her b/c she predictably pulls the victim role, which I loathe and have zero respect for, so then I blow up at her (and I have a sailor mouth - I'm sensitive but I'm not pollyanna) and then she refuses to talk to me for X amount of time. 

If there is one thing that sends me over the edge it's people playing victim.  :P

The thing is she starts yelling at you from the start, and she expects you to yell back (but no profanity allowed). I don't like like people to yell at me because I get angry, and then I get violent. I asked her politely once to not yell at me and her response was, "Then shut up!" and my response to that was, "Fuck you." I even, once before that argument, explained to her why I don't like people yelling at me and why I don't like to yell at people. I guess she wasn't listening.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline skeptic54768

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #26 on: November 01, 2013, 05:33:14 PM »
I think you have to be honest with yourself about the nature of the forgiveness.
Do you want to forgive someone simply because you think you should or because you think they deserve it.
If you feel that it is not deserved then don't. No god is going to judge you so just be confident in your own opinion on the situation, you are more than likely going to be right.

The bold opens up a world of dangerous possibilities. That's what Stalin and Pol Pot said. That's walking a tightrope made of ice.

Keep in mind if God didn't exist, there would be no laws against anything. But, there are laws against things......
Matthew 10:22 "and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved." - Jesus (said 2,000 years ago and still true today.)

Offline skeptic54768

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #27 on: November 01, 2013, 05:34:38 PM »

I like my way: "Fuck you very much, and have a nice day." I recently said that to an Aunt of mine. She was flabbergasted that I'd say that to her but she started the argument, I ended it. Apparently, she was so upset that someone talked that way to her, especially a nephew of hers who should show more respect (it's funny how she didn't feel she owed me any), that she didn't come out of her room for three days. Talk about sensitive. This is a problem some people have, especially family members to other family members: they think they can do and say what they want without consequence; and, the sad thing is: people allow them to get away with it because they are a father, or a mother, or an Aunt, or Uncle, etc., well, my response is "Fuck you". You treat me like shit, I treat you like shit. I give a fuck who you are.

-Nam

Someone not coming out of their room for 3 days b/c of "hurt feelings" is beyond sensitive. That's just stupid. Did she think she was going to teach you a lesson or something? LOL

My sister is way more sensitive than I am.  I steer clear of arguing with her b/c she predictably pulls the victim role, which I loathe and have zero respect for, so then I blow up at her (and I have a sailor mouth - I'm sensitive but I'm not pollyanna) and then she refuses to talk to me for X amount of time. 

If there is one thing that sends me over the edge it's people playing victim.  :P

The thing is she starts yelling at you from the start, and she expects you to yell back (but no profanity allowed). I don't like like people to yell at me because I get angry, and then I get violent. I asked her politely once to not yell at me and her response was, "Then shut up!" and my response to that was, "Fuck you." I even, once before that argument, explained to her why I don't like people yelling at me and why I don't like to yell at people. I guess she wasn't listening.

-Nam

She's doing it out of spite to push your buttons. She found your weakness and is exploiting it.

next time, try to just smile and laugh.
Matthew 10:22 "and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved." - Jesus (said 2,000 years ago and still true today.)

Online Nam

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Re: Forgiveness...
« Reply #28 on: November 01, 2013, 05:38:50 PM »

I like my way: "Fuck you very much, and have a nice day." I recently said that to an Aunt of mine. She was flabbergasted that I'd say that to her but she started the argument, I ended it. Apparently, she was so upset that someone talked that way to her, especially a nephew of hers who should show more respect (it's funny how she didn't feel she owed me any), that she didn't come out of her room for three days. Talk about sensitive. This is a problem some people have, especially family members to other family members: they think they can do and say what they want without consequence; and, the sad thing is: people allow them to get away with it because they are a father, or a mother, or an Aunt, or Uncle, etc., well, my response is "Fuck you". You treat me like shit, I treat you like shit. I give a fuck who you are.

-Nam

Someone not coming out of their room for 3 days b/c of "hurt feelings" is beyond sensitive. That's just stupid. Did she think she was going to teach you a lesson or something? LOL

My sister is way more sensitive than I am.  I steer clear of arguing with her b/c she predictably pulls the victim role, which I loathe and have zero respect for, so then I blow up at her (and I have a sailor mouth - I'm sensitive but I'm not pollyanna) and then she refuses to talk to me for X amount of time. 

If there is one thing that sends me over the edge it's people playing victim.  :P

The thing is she starts yelling at you from the start, and she expects you to yell back (but no profanity allowed). I don't like like people to yell at me because I get angry, and then I get violent. I asked her politely once to not yell at me and her response was, "Then shut up!" and my response to that was, "Fuck you." I even, once before that argument, explained to her why I don't like people yelling at me and why I don't like to yell at people. I guess she wasn't listening.

-Nam

She's doing it out of spite to push your buttons. She found your weakness and is exploiting it.

next time, try to just smile and laugh.


Wrong. She does it because that's how she was raised, in her Christian household, to argue with people. That's what many people do; it's a learned trait.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey