Author Topic: for former xtians: funniest memory?  (Read 1006 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline magicmiles

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2829
  • Darwins +175/-73
  • Gender: Male
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #29 on: October 27, 2013, 07:12:31 PM »
anyway, I showed him a picture of a whole bunch of guys standing next to each other from the 1930's or 1940's, and showed that every single one of them had their hair parted in the middle, at the church, and said, "Isn't that you?"

No answer.

-Nam

He really, literally didn't confirm or deny it was him? What a weirdo.

I am kind of curious about this Nam...did the pastor really say nothing at all?

Nope. Didn't say a thing. Stood there for a second then walked off. Though I like him (still alive in his mid 80's) there was one instance that I didn't care for him. When two of us (males, and cousins) refused to sign a petition to ban homosexuals from the Thanksgiving parade in 1997, he said to us that if we didn't sign it he'd spread a rumor around that we were homosexual lovers. We still refused, but he never did start the rumor. Only time I didn't like him.

-Nam

Crazy stuff. In all my 40 years of church going I've never had a pastor threaten me with a homosexual lover rumour. I guess the fact my own father was the pastor for about 18 of those years is a factor in me dodging that bullet, and perhaps the fact that there were never any stop the gays petitions for me to oppose.
The 2010 world cup was ruined for me by that slippery bastard Paul.

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12062
  • Darwins +308/-82
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #30 on: October 27, 2013, 07:26:48 PM »
anyway, I showed him a picture of a whole bunch of guys standing next to each other from the 1930's or 1940's, and showed that every single one of them had their hair parted in the middle, at the church, and said, "Isn't that you?"

No answer.

-Nam

He really, literally didn't confirm or deny it was him? What a weirdo.

I am kind of curious about this Nam...did the pastor really say nothing at all?

Nope. Didn't say a thing. Stood there for a second then walked off. Though I like him (still alive in his mid 80's) there was one instance that I didn't care for him. When two of us (males, and cousins) refused to sign a petition to ban homosexuals from the Thanksgiving parade in 1997, he said to us that if we didn't sign it he'd spread a rumor around that we were homosexual lovers. We still refused, but he never did start the rumor. Only time I didn't like him.

-Nam

Crazy stuff. In all my 40 years of church going I've never had a pastor threaten me with a homosexual lover rumour. I guess the fact my own father was the pastor for about 18 of those years is a factor in me dodging that bullet, and perhaps the fact that there were never any stop the gays petitions for me to oppose.

Southern Biblebeltthumping US, stop here to see the sites then move on.

;)

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #31 on: October 27, 2013, 07:31:03 PM »
Nam - regarding the "hate your family" verses - the one's straight from JC's mouth in the gospels - I wish I could remember how the teachers/preachers justified/twisted those to say "that's not what he really meant."  They had an answer for everything. If they didn't they just brushed it under the rug - "God's mysterious ways" was a popular one...

magicmiles - I'm happy to hear you haven't had to deal with any "stop the gays" type petitions in your churchgoing years. I'm wondering just when that kind of thing will be looked back upon in horror like the era of separate water fountains for blacks and whites (not to mention separate schools, bathrooms, bus seats, and on and on).

Back to the funny stories: one time during our weekly chapel, the history teacher/football coach decided to use that time to show off his musical "skills" with guitar and singing.  So he took the classic Eagle's song "Peaceful Easy Feeling" and Gordon Lightfoot's "Carefree Highway" and changed the lyrics to cheesy jesus-love words. Hilarity ensued.  Truly a cringe-worthy experience.
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12062
  • Darwins +308/-82
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #32 on: October 27, 2013, 07:38:50 PM »
Ruby,

http://biblegateway.com -- many versions, with commentary, of verses from the Bible. Have fun reading their explanations.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #33 on: October 27, 2013, 07:45:45 PM »
Ruby,

http://biblegateway.com -- many versions, with commentary, of verses from the Bible. Have fun reading their explanations.

-Nam

Fabulous! I'd bet a lot more atheists use that site than xtians....just a hunch, lol  ;)
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline magicmiles

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2829
  • Darwins +175/-73
  • Gender: Male
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #34 on: October 27, 2013, 07:49:59 PM »
Some amusing but probably fictitious church newsletter announcements:

The young mothers group will start meeting again this Friday. Any member wishing to become a young mother should see the pastor.

The low self-esteem support group will meet this wednesday night at the church. Please use the back door.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance



As for you sceptics:

The 2010 world cup was ruined for me by that slippery bastard Paul.

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12062
  • Darwins +308/-82
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #35 on: October 27, 2013, 07:50:51 PM »
Ruby,

http://biblegateway.com -- many versions, with commentary, of verses from the Bible. Have fun reading their explanations.

-Nam

Fabulous! I'd bet a lot more atheists use that site than xtians....just a hunch, lol  ;)

Where I have read several versions of the Bible, myself.

I recommend The Message -- hilarious.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #36 on: October 27, 2013, 07:53:08 PM »
Some amusing but probably fictitious church newsletter announcements:

The young mothers group will start meeting again this Friday. Any member wishing to become a young mother should see the pastor.

The low self-esteem support group will meet this wednesday night at the church. Please use the back door.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance



As for you sceptics:



LOVE these!! Thanks for sharing - I love to laugh!

Inadvertently funny church signs are also a lot of fun.  I see a lot of those on Pinterest.
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #37 on: October 27, 2013, 07:55:35 PM »
Ruby,

http://biblegateway.com -- many versions, with commentary, of verses from the Bible. Have fun reading their explanations.

-Nam

Fabulous! I'd bet a lot more atheists use that site than xtians....just a hunch, lol  ;)

Where I have read several versions of the Bible, myself.

I recommend The Message -- hilarious.

-Nam

OH my, I think "The Message" is the one that has a glowing review from Bono (of U2) on the back cover, if I remember correctly.  Amazing stuff (and I don't mean that in a good way, lol).
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12062
  • Darwins +308/-82
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #38 on: October 27, 2013, 07:56:37 PM »
You should know that most church signs found online are fakes. There are websites where you can generate fake sign quotes you come up with for a bevy of church signs.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12062
  • Darwins +308/-82
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #39 on: October 27, 2013, 07:59:12 PM »
Ruby,

http://biblegateway.com -- many versions, with commentary, of verses from the Bible. Have fun reading their explanations.

-Nam

Fabulous! I'd bet a lot more atheists use that site than xtians....just a hunch, lol  ;)

Where I have read several versions of the Bible, myself.

I recommend The Message -- hilarious.

-Nam

OH my, I think "The Message" is the one that has a glowing review from Bono (of U2) on the back cover, if I remember correctly.  Amazing stuff (and I don't mean that in a good way, lol).

You can do Bible comparisons on that website; also fun in seeing how they change certain words from being too sexual or violent to something watered down, that in effect, changes the meaning.

I have a topic on that in Religious discussions, I believe.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #40 on: October 27, 2013, 08:01:09 PM »
You should know that most church signs found online are fakes. There are websites where you can generate fake sign quotes you come up with for a bevy of church signs.

-Nam

Dammit don't burst my bubble of fun!  :P

I know about meme generators, I should have guessed as much about the church signs!
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline Tero

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 725
  • Darwins +18/-5
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #41 on: October 29, 2013, 05:47:28 PM »
As far as I know dancing leads to pregnancy. 7 months later I was born.

What happened to the other two months?

;)

-Nam
Mommy was convincing daddy that he was indeed the daddy.

Offline skeptic54768

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2546
  • Darwins +49/-418
  • Gender: Male
  • Christianity is the most beautiful religion.
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #42 on: October 29, 2013, 10:52:57 PM »
How can you guys say with a straight face that women are not permitted to speak in church?

Haven't you read the context of the passage?

Women ARE allowed to talk in church. It's just that during certain parts of the church service, women are instructed to keep quiet in order to avoid distraction. Certain parts of the service are meant to be done without distractions.

This is why I don't believe atheists truly study the Bible. They read ONE VERSE instead of the surrounding context within the whole chapter.

It is absolute nonsense to suggest the Bible is misogynistic. God created male and female in Genesis as equals.
Matthew 10:22 "and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved." - Jesus (said 2,000 years ago and still true today.)

Offline magicmiles

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2829
  • Darwins +175/-73
  • Gender: Male
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #43 on: October 29, 2013, 11:10:17 PM »


It is absolute nonsense to suggest the Bible is misogynistic. God created male and female in Genesis as equals.

I agree the bible is not misogynistic, although I suspect the term is widely misused. The bible does not anywhere suggest that God hates or dislikes Women. He did indeed create both sexes and men and women are of equal worth to God and equally needijng of salvation.

The bible does teach that man is the head of the woman, but that is within the context of a Godly marriage and cannot be understood by anybody who does not accept that God is the head of all.
 
The 2010 world cup was ruined for me by that slippery bastard Paul.

Online Jag

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1733
  • Darwins +183/-7
  • Gender: Female
  • Official WWGHA Harpy, Ex-rosary squad
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #44 on: October 29, 2013, 11:43:34 PM »
Off the top of my head: watching the statues in church out of the corners of my eyes, just in case one of them moved.

Damn Catholics and their idol worship.  :o
My tolerance for BS is limited, and I use up most of it IRL.

Offline skeptic54768

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2546
  • Darwins +49/-418
  • Gender: Male
  • Christianity is the most beautiful religion.
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #45 on: October 30, 2013, 12:18:55 AM »
Off the top of my head: watching the statues in church out of the corners of my eyes, just in case one of them moved.

Damn Catholics and their idol worship.  :o

The Catholic Church is very scary.
Matthew 10:22 "and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved." - Jesus (said 2,000 years ago and still true today.)

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12062
  • Darwins +308/-82
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #46 on: October 30, 2013, 01:14:30 AM »
Off the top of my head: watching the statues in church out of the corners of my eyes, just in case one of them moved.

Damn Catholics and their idol worship.  :o

The Catholic Church is very scary.

So are you.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline Tero

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 725
  • Darwins +18/-5
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #47 on: October 30, 2013, 06:23:47 AM »
Nam, there must have been a previous dance two moths earlier they never told me about.  ;)

Offline Ivellios

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1077
  • Darwins +52/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Seek and Ye Shall Find
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #48 on: October 30, 2013, 06:27:26 AM »
How can you guys say with a straight face that women are not permitted to speak in church?

Haven't you read the context of the passage?

Women ARE allowed to talk in church. It's just that during certain parts of the church service, women are instructed to keep quiet in order to avoid distraction. Certain parts of the service are meant to be done without distractions.

This is why I don't believe atheists truly study the Bible. They read ONE VERSE instead of the surrounding context within the whole chapter.

It is absolute nonsense to suggest the Bible is misogynistic. God created male and female in Genesis as equals.

350 years after Timothy was written, it's voted by the RCC to be included in the bible because it is applicable to all Christians and not just meant for the women in that one particular greek town that Timothy was ministering in.

Tim 2:9-15
 ... for Adam was formed first therefore women are inferior to men...
... just as it was in the Garden, all sin enters the world first from Satan, to woman then to man...
... a woman is to fully submit and remain silent...
...woman shut up...
...  in order for a woman to enter heaven she must keep her mouth shut and make many babies.

"Oh it means, "After you deliberate with your husband it means you must accept his decision and then remain silent.""

So according to God, a woman's opinion is likened to that of an oxen or from Satan. What kind of Christian man would even listen to her? Just let her have her say then completely dismiss it. Sure some of the words are not the same, because I paraphrased them so you could know what it means like: in order to be saved... where being saved from the Christian point of view is to go to Heaven, or does "be saved" mean something different, for this one instance? This is Context!

Online Mrjason

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1239
  • Darwins +89/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #49 on: October 30, 2013, 07:45:41 AM »
I was in the cathedral choir when I was a kid, the fact that we weren't supposed to laugh and were up in the choir box in full view of everyone made it impossible not to laugh.
One remembrance sunday the bugler really, I mean really cocked up the last stand. The 2 minute silence afterwards was absolute agony.
The other really funny thing that I remember from the choir days was when during one of the talks the bloke doing the talking (might have been the precentor) said that a "renowned penisist would be giving a recital.." I laughed so hard that I almost did a wee.

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #50 on: October 30, 2013, 07:54:13 AM »
How can you guys say with a straight face that women are not permitted to speak in church?

Haven't you read the context of the passage?

Women ARE allowed to talk in church. It's just that during certain parts of the church service, women are instructed to keep quiet in order to avoid distraction. Certain parts of the service are meant to be done without distractions.

This is why I don't believe atheists truly study the Bible. They read ONE VERSE instead of the surrounding context within the whole chapter.

It is absolute nonsense to suggest the Bible is misogynistic. God created male and female in Genesis as equals.

I hope you are being sarcastic or joking? Does this verse in ANY translation infer that male and female are equals? Note that the female is singled out to be quiet. Oh and not assume "authority over man."  Exactly what "context" does one need to justify this?

Here are some translations of 1 Timothy 2:12:
Parallel Verses
New International Version
I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.

New Living Translation
I do not let women teach men or have authority over them. Let them listen quietly.

English Standard Version
I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

New American Standard Bible
But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet

King James Bible
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Holman Christian Standard Bible
I do not allow a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; instead, she is to be silent.

International Standard Version
Moreover, in the area of teaching, I am not allowing a woman to instigate conflict toward a man. Instead, she is to remain calm.

NET Bible
But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man. She must remain quiet.

Aramaic Bible in Plain English
For I do not allow a woman to teach, neither to usurp over a man, but she should be quiet;

GOD'S WORD® Translation
I don't allow a woman to teach or to have authority over a man. Instead, she should be quiet.

Jubilee Bible 2000
For I do not allow a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over a mature man, but to be at rest.

King James 2000 Bible
But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have authority over the man, but to be in silence.

American King James Version
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

American Standard Version
But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness.

Douay-Rheims Bible
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to use authority over the man: but to be in silence.

Darby Bible Translation
but I do not suffer a woman to teach nor to exercise authority over man, but to be in quietness;

English Revised Version
But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness.

Webster's Bible Translation
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Weymouth New Testament
I do not permit a woman to teach, nor have authority over a man, but she must remain silent.

World English Bible
But I don't permit a woman to teach, nor to exercise authority over a man, but to be in quietness.

Regarding "context" - OK then, let's go with that.  Here's what comes just after this verse (v.11-15):

11 A woman[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women[c] will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.


Besides these nauseating ideas - the bible is riddled with examples of women not being equal to men.  Check out the cost of women slaves for example, as outlined in Leviticus:

And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver.... And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.

And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.

And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver.

And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels. -- Leviticus 27:3-7

**********

So, how do any of these back up your assertion that god sees men and women as equals? Keep in mind there are many, many other passages in the bible that clearly show women to be inferior to men. I have presented a very small handful.
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12062
  • Darwins +308/-82
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #51 on: October 30, 2013, 12:51:51 PM »
International Standard Version
Moreover, in the area of teaching, I am not allowing a woman to instigate conflict toward a man. Instead, she is to remain calm.

Jubilee Bible 2000
For I do not allow a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over a mature man, but to be at rest.

---

These two versions do not actually say "to be quiet" (including the ones like the second). It actually changed the meaning on women being silent to being "quiet", which isn't the same as complete silence. Could mean whispering,for in the instance of being "calm" not to speak loudly, or what not.

The first one changed the first part too; if you look at it it really shows more sexism than the KJV.

skeptic has never read the Bible, studied the Bible, or anything. Most likely doesn't have the attention span for it. Relies solely on others interpretations.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously - Humphrey

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #52 on: October 30, 2013, 01:31:41 PM »
International Standard Version
Moreover, in the area of teaching, I am not allowing a woman to instigate conflict toward a man. Instead, she is to remain calm.

Jubilee Bible 2000
For I do not allow a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over a mature man, but to be at rest.

---

These two versions do not actually say "to be quiet" (including the ones like the second). It actually changed the meaning on women being silent to being "quiet", which isn't the same as complete silence. Could mean whispering,for in the instance of being "calm" not to speak loudly, or what not.

The first one changed the first part too; if you look at it it really shows more sexism than the KJV.

skeptic has never read the Bible, studied the Bible, or anything. Most likely doesn't have the attention span for it. Relies solely on others interpretations.

-Nam

Yep. I can see that.  And note: any guy editing the bible who chose to put something approaching "calm down" to a woman ("she is to remain calm"), does not know women. Telling a woman to remain calm is like putting gasoline on a fire.  Well, I cannot generalize for all women, I realize - but it goes for most women I know, including myself.  :laugh:

"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #53 on: October 30, 2013, 01:38:48 PM »
I was in the cathedral choir when I was a kid, the fact that we weren't supposed to laugh and were up in the choir box in full view of everyone made it impossible not to laugh.
One remembrance sunday the bugler really, I mean really cocked up the last stand. The 2 minute silence afterwards was absolute agony.
The other really funny thing that I remember from the choir days was when during one of the talks the bloke doing the talking (might have been the precentor) said that a "renowned penisist would be giving a recital.." I laughed so hard that I almost did a wee.

Just saw this.  Freaking hilarious.  During my sister's wedding the preacher used the word "penis" at one point, I don't even remember what the word was supposed to be - but I do remember how many people turned beet red trying not to bust out laughing.
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine

Offline Foxy Freedom

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1338
  • Darwins +96/-11
  • Why is it so difficult to say you don't know?
    • Foxy Freedom on Doctor Who
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #54 on: October 30, 2013, 01:54:12 PM »
When I was at my first school, one of the teachers taught a Sunday school about the bible. A boy in the class came up to me. I don't remember his exact words but they were something like this...

Boy "the teacher says you should come to the Sunday school"

Me "the old hag can stir her cauldron without me"

Boy "you mean my mother?"
Neither Foxy Freedom nor any associates can be reached via WWGHA. Their official antitheist website is http://the6antitheist6guide6.blogspot.co.uk

The 2nd edition of the free ebook Devil or Delusion ? The danger of Christianity to Democracy Freedom and Science.       http://t.co/2d1KcJ9V

Offline wright

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1798
  • Darwins +77/-1
  • Gender: Male
  • "Sleep like a log, snore like a chainsaw."
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #55 on: October 30, 2013, 01:56:44 PM »
Yep. I can see that.  And note: any guy editing the bible who chose to put something approaching "calm down" to a woman ("she is to remain calm"), does not know women. Telling a woman to remain calm is like putting gasoline on a fire.  Well, I cannot generalize for all women, I realize - but it goes for most women I know, including myself.  :laugh:

I don't think I'm in much danger of generalizing to say it doesn't work too well for men, either. Especially when we're already worked up  ;).

Though on second thought, I can recall it helping to calm me on two occasions. On both of those it was a woman who told me to chill.
Live a good life... If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.
--Marcus Aurelius

Offline neopagan

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1161
  • Darwins +86/-3
  • Gender: Male
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #56 on: October 30, 2013, 02:41:25 PM »
   My uncle was a pastor in the Church of Christ, a denomination which is one of the more "fundamentalist" versions out there.  No music, no dancing, no mixed bathing (aka swimming), moral rigidity approching the Amish, and on and on...

   While staying with them one summer when I was about 14, my uncle's sermon series focused on the evils of the world and how xtians need to avoid the ploys of the devil and his local henchmen, or some such rot.  What I do vividly recall is his recounting a story of a man he knew who was addicted to "pornography films."  My uncle then goes on to tell (in church, mind you) of the fellow discribing the most obscene act the fellow had ever witnessed on film[1] - in some rather vivid detail. 

   I'm not sure what was funnier: my uncle doing his level best to describe such a scene with barely church-appropriate language; my aunt turning eight shades of crimson with tears of embarrasment pouring down her face; or the back row of teens (including me) nearly shitting[2] themselves trying not to burst out laughing.

  Needless to say, Sunday lunch at my uncle's house was frosty.
 1. I won't even bother to describe said scene, other than to say it was scatalogical in nature, or maybe what you'd call the Cleveland Steamer
 2. Couldn't pass it up, sorry
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline RubyLeo

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • Darwins +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: for former xtians: funniest memory?
« Reply #57 on: October 30, 2013, 02:50:31 PM »
Yep. I can see that.  And note: any guy editing the bible who chose to put something approaching "calm down" to a woman ("she is to remain calm"), does not know women. Telling a woman to remain calm is like putting gasoline on a fire.  Well, I cannot generalize for all women, I realize - but it goes for most women I know, including myself.  :laugh:

I don't think I'm in much danger of generalizing to say it doesn't work too well for men, either. Especially when we're already worked up  ;).

Though on second thought, I can recall it helping to calm me on two occasions. On both of those it was a woman who told me to chill.

Touche' wright! If someone is worked up already, regardless of gender - saying "calm down" is probably the least effective way of resolving the situation. In my experience.

Speaking for myself only, I've never told a man (or woman for that matter) to "calm down" because I  know how much it bothers me.

I'm very impressed you chilled out, by the way. I think I'm incapable.  ;D
"Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true. "
~ Thomas Paine