So ... so far we have ...
Emergence of the pot blessing Manatee
1:1 Once upon a time four words started something called religion when a goat herder asshole made an inedible stew made from hair and offal with a narcotic garnish obtained from Moses and blessed by a wandering gypsy who's name was hard to remember but easy to confuse with a West Indian manatee but since nobody has ever attempted to bless weed we shall call upon the manatee named Henry Freeman otherwise just Jay.
1:2 Jay was walking on his flippers to score free willy 2 tickets and sexual favours but realized he weighed around 3,649 lbs and needed stew to lose weight Trichechus manatus latirostris because manatees are three day sleepers when tweaked on anthrax laced shoes causing onlookers to use instagram in fisher price laptops spreading the word of the manatee and twerking songs bringing unity to pirates and pot because pastafarians are right, except for Bill Murray, who spent the day contemplating his navel and watching MLP:FiM while his neighbors dug his deep grave under the man-eating trees with chainsaw hands.
This is beginning to look a lot like actual scripture. Long winding phrases that don't go anywhere and leave a lot to interpretation. Like, is Bill Murray the one pastafarian who is wrong, or is he not a pastafarian or was the except refering all the way back to the onlookers bit and is it saying that Bill Murray was the one onlooker who didn't use instagram, or didn't user a fisher price laptop or didn't spread the word of the manatee and if it's that last one, who's word was he spreading, if any?
Also, a guy from another religion is referenced and another religion still is said to be right.
And then there's a sudden phrase in a different language appearing out of nowhere. Is this part of the scripture? Is it a sidenote by a translator. Hang on ... a translator? This isn't the original version?! Did the Manatee even speak English?
Speking of the Manatee, we're two verses into the holy book, and he already has two different names. Well, at least he's a he, yay for paternalistic religions!
Can you imagine the number of different sects these two lines alone are going to spawn, a few centuries down the line?