Author Topic: My Trip to Ireland  (Read 324 times)

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Online pianodwarf

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My Trip to Ireland
« on: October 03, 2013, 09:58:53 AM »
Over the course of the coming weeks and months, various stories about my visit will undoubtedly be forthcoming.  This is one that I had to tell first, right away.

I'm at my hotel pub in Limerick, hoisting a pint of Guinness and relaxing after a fairly long day of wandering all over the city.  The folk wisdom goes that the Irish are a very friendly folk and will chat you up in such circumstances, and in this case, as in so many others on my trip, it turned out to be true.

After I'd been there for a little bit, a woman breezily strolled into the bar, ordered a drink, introduced herself, and began asking about where I was from, how my trip was going, and so forth.  She looked to be in her early to mid sixties or so, though she later said she was 49.  It became clear before too long that she had already been "refreshing herself" before she had started drinking at this particular pub... I suppose if that was a habit, it might be at least a partial explanation of why she looked so much older than she said she was.

Anyway.  Also before too long, it became clear that this woman wanted to see my hotel room.  As in, not to admire the furnishings.  Leaning in very close to me, resting her hand on my thigh and stroking it, etc etc.  Oh, brother, I started thinking to myself.  Ireland is absolutely crammed with beautiful women[1], and this is the one who wants to play "hide the sausage"?  Just my luck.

I kept trying to give off body language to indicate that I wasn't interested, but she either didn't care or didn't notice -- as drunk as she obviously was, I wasn't sure.  The conversation continued for a little while, then after about 45 minutes or so of me trying to figure out how to get the hell out of this situation, I saw her cross herself for the second time.  And it occurred to me...

"So, you're Catholic, then?"  I said, gesturing vaguely at her crossing herself.

"Yes, I am," she said.  "You're an American yourself, so I suppose you must be part of one of the Protestant branches?"

"No, actually, I'm an atheist," I smiled, and took another pull of my stout.

She suddenly took her hands off me and leaned back.  "What?  No, you never were!"

"Actually, I always was," I said.  "Never even went thru one of those deconversions you sometimes hear about."

For the next few minutes or so, she put a few markers on the Atheist Bingo Card ("So, what... you believe in nothin' then?"), then she excused herself and left.

I watched her leaving, then as soon as she was out the door, I turned to the bartender, who had been observing the situation discreetly from a distance.  We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"I could hear your skin crawl all the way from the other side of the pub!"  He told me.  "I know," I said, "Guess I really dodged a bullet there, eh?  Another pint, if you'd be so kind."

Rather nice, for once, to be able to turn anti-atheist bigotry to my advantage.  (Oh, and that's why I put this in "Religion and Society".)
 1. Seriously, I have never in my life seen anywhere nearly as large a population of stunningly beautiful women as I did in Ireland.  Separate discussion, though.
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn

Offline hickdive

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2013, 10:06:10 AM »
At least she didn't ask if you were a protestant atheist or a catholic one.
Stupidity, unlike intelligence, has no limits.

Online pianodwarf

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2013, 10:16:54 AM »
At least she didn't ask if you were a protestant atheist or a catholic one.

True.  Russell said that that happened to him once.
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn

Offline neopagan

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2013, 10:18:44 AM »
Great story, PD.  Too bad you attracted the local sloshed vamp.  I hope the selections improved over your trip.

I think I'll get out of the next wedding or funeral I'm invited to using your methods...
"Here for the bride or the groom?"
"I'm an atheist!"
"Get out, heathen!"
Bliss....  :)
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Mrjason

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2013, 10:19:21 AM »
Lucky escape! I wonder how she would have reacted if you had said you were muslim or Jewish or any other religion for that matter.

Offline neopagan

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2013, 10:22:02 AM »
^^^ Or Druid... you could have told her you only did "horizontal worship" on a slab at Stonehenge and sent her on ahead to wait on you   ;)
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Angus and Alexis

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2013, 10:45:19 AM »
That chick sounds like someone who would say.

"If evolution is true, why is there still monkeys?"
Rule 1: No pooftas. Rule 2: No maltreating the theists, IF, anyone is watching. Rule 3: No pooftas. Rule 4: I do not want to see anyone NOT drinking after light out. Rule 5: No pooftas. Rule 6: There is NO...rule 6.

Offline Hatter23

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2013, 11:02:33 AM »
That chick sounds like someone who would say.

"If evolution is true, why is there still monkeys?"

Overwhelming majority Catholics aren't quite like that. Their apologist have more practice and have done away with the really really stupid questions, and moved on to mostly just stupid ones.
An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

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Offline Angus and Alexis

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #8 on: October 03, 2013, 11:09:51 AM »
That chick sounds like someone who would say.

"If evolution is true, why is there still monkeys?"

Overwhelming majority Catholics aren't quite like that. Their apologist have more practice and have done away with the really really stupid questions, and moved on to mostly just stupid ones.

Yes, i know that a majority are not that stupid, but this chick sounds stupid enough...
Rule 1: No pooftas. Rule 2: No maltreating the theists, IF, anyone is watching. Rule 3: No pooftas. Rule 4: I do not want to see anyone NOT drinking after light out. Rule 5: No pooftas. Rule 6: There is NO...rule 6.

Online pianodwarf

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #9 on: October 03, 2013, 11:11:14 AM »
Great story, PD.  Too bad you attracted the local sloshed vamp.  I hope the selections improved over your trip.

Oh, I loved loved loved Ireland.  I'm so glad I went.  Even this little "encounter", when it was happening, I knew would be a funny story to tell once I managed to get rid of her.

That night was odd in other ways as well.  While Miss Jane Marple was trying to go yodelling in the gully with me, a bevy of very attractive young women came in -- get this -- all dressed like Waldo from the "Where's Waldo" comics.  I asked the bartender if he knew what was going on, and he said it was a hen party (which I correctly guessed was what we call a bachelorette party) but he had no idea about the costumes.  I stopped a few of the ladies as they were heading out and asked them what in the heck they were doing, and they said they didn't know, either, that it was one of the bridesmaids' idea.  I didn't get to ask her, though, so I guess I'll go to my grave wondering why she chose that theme.
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2013, 11:12:05 AM »
Yes, i know that a majority are not that stupid, but this chick sounds stupid enough...

Oh, she was.  She asked me what my name was about five or six times.  She also asked me where I was from about the same number of times, then kept talking about me being from New York.  (I've never been there, I live in the Metro DC area.)
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn

Offline Angus and Alexis

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2013, 11:15:34 AM »
Oh, she was.  She asked me what my name was about five or six times.  She also asked me where I was from about the same number of times, then kept talking about me being from New York.  (I've never been there, I live in the Metro DC area.)

Damn, she sounds stupid enough to be a bogan Aussie.
Rule 1: No pooftas. Rule 2: No maltreating the theists, IF, anyone is watching. Rule 3: No pooftas. Rule 4: I do not want to see anyone NOT drinking after light out. Rule 5: No pooftas. Rule 6: There is NO...rule 6.

Offline Nick

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #12 on: October 03, 2013, 12:14:32 PM »
So she would have sinned with you if you were religious but not as an atheist.  Too funny.  I guess that might cause problems when she is talking with St. Peter trying to get thru the gate.
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Offline Boots

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2013, 07:46:07 AM »
I guess cougars are indigenous to Ireland--or maybe she was an introduced species...?
* Religion: institutionalized superstition, period.

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Offline Graybeard

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Re: My Trip to Ireland
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2013, 08:46:14 AM »
Limerick ...a woman breezily strolled into the bar, ordered a drink, introduced herself, and began asking about where I was from, [...] "No, actually, I'm an atheist," I smiled, and took another pull of my stout. [...] she excused herself and left.

There was an old lady from Limerick
Who wanted something long’n’thick.
But she had inhibitions
Because of superstitions
So she departed the bar and this limerick.
RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Ambrose Bierce