Author Topic: Jesus did NOT die for your sins  (Read 441 times)

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Offline Nick

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Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« on: October 01, 2013, 06:09:18 PM »
Bill O'Reilly's new book, Killing Jesus, says that Jesus died to free the Jews from taxation.

So much for your sins.  Hell, if you are not Jewish He did not even care about you.  Jesus was a republican the whole time.  How could we have missed this?
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Nam

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2013, 06:12:30 PM »
Sun goes out, Sun goes in...wait, that ain't it...um...

;)

-Nam
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Offline mrbiscoop

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2013, 06:28:58 PM »
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
              -Emo Philips

Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2013, 06:50:02 PM »
If the taxman had been involved, JC wouldn't have walked after three days. And Catholics would be wearing a little guy hanging by his thumbs instead of that cross thing.

Of course this implies that Adam and Eve didn't sin, they just forgot to sign their tax form. And it wasn't the tree of life, but rather a shrub they tried to write off as a business expense.

Plus, it wasn't a flood. Noah and the gang got on a boat to avoid the sea of taxes everyone had to pay.

Lets see. The US tax form, the 1040 - hmmm. 10-4=6.  There are two zeros so add two more sixes. 666. The sign of the taxman!

How I didn't see this, I don't know. It is so obvious now.

Question: While writing this post I was trying to think like Bill O'Reilly. My brain fell out. Is that normal?

Not everyone is entitled to their opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline Nam

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2013, 07:02:44 PM »
Yes. It's also supposed to smell like strawberry jello. Does it?

-Nam
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Offline Nam

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2013, 07:01:31 PM »
[A double post -- the devil is at work!]
« Last Edit: October 01, 2013, 07:04:18 PM by Nam »
This is my signature "Nam", don't I have nice typing skills?

Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2013, 07:18:24 PM »
Yes. It's also supposed to smell like strawberry jello. Does it?

-Nam

It does! Can I eat it, or would that make me a zombie?
Not everyone is entitled to their opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline Nam

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2013, 07:22:47 PM »
Yes. It's also supposed to smell like strawberry jello. Does it?

-Nam

It does! Can I eat it, or would that make me a zombie?

No no no no...eating your own brains does not make you a zombie. Eating someone else's...well...that does.

-Nam
This is my signature "Nam", don't I have nice typing skills?

Offline Angus and Alexis

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2013, 08:05:21 PM »
Yes. It's also supposed to smell like strawberry jello. Does it?

-Nam

It does! Can I eat it, or would that make me a zombie?

No no no no...eating your own brains does not make you a zombie. Eating someone else's...well...that does.

-Nam

Would eating your brain make you a theist however?
Rule 1: No pooftas. Rule 2: No maltreating the theists, IF, anyone is watching. Rule 3: No pooftas. Rule 4: I do not want to see anyone NOT drinking after light out. Rule 5: No pooftas. Rule 6: There is NO...rule 6.

Offline Nam

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2013, 08:19:26 PM »
Yes. It's also supposed to smell like strawberry jello. Does it?

-Nam

It does! Can I eat it, or would that make me a zombie?

No no no no...eating your own brains does not make you a zombie. Eating someone else's...well...that does.

-Nam

Would eating your brain make you a theist however?


Don't be silly.

Sheesh.

-Nam
This is my signature "Nam", don't I have nice typing skills?

Offline LoriPinkAngel

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2013, 02:08:09 AM »
Maybe the Tealiban should ask him to come back and die again to free them from Obamacare so they can quit crying and restart our government.  Of course maybe it would be nice if they also ask for no one to get sick since they don't want anyone to have affordable health insurance.  And maybe get rid of that pesky need for food and shelter too while he's at it since they don't want to help anyone with that either.  Hell maybe he better just do his fricken rapture already.
It doesn't make sense to let go of something you've had for so long.  But it also doesn't make sense to hold on when there's actually nothing there.

Offline Nam

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2013, 07:14:49 AM »
Teal is out this season, Lori, we're more in a violetabin.

-Nam
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Offline Hatter23

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2013, 07:17:29 AM »
Wow. Oreily should, I don't know, read the Bible.

Matthew 22: 16-22;

16 And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any man: for thou regardest not the person of men.

17 Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?

18 But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites?

19 Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny.

20 And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?

21 They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.

22 When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.

__________________________________________________________________________________

It is clear in the story, he advised people he isn't part of a tax revolt, and people should pay their taxes.


Really you moron OReily, you aren't even getting your own mythology right.

An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

And you should feel guilty for this. Give me money.

Offline Hatter23

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2013, 07:20:30 AM »
Yes. It's also supposed to smell like strawberry jello. Does it?

-Nam

It does! Can I eat it, or would that make me a zombie?

No no no no...eating your own brains does not make you a zombie. Eating someone else's...well...that does.

-Nam

Would eating your brain make you a theist however?

No, but when doing my work with reanimating corpses I am always sure to use the brain of a creationist. I mean there always in such good condition after being used so little, nigh on mint.
An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

And you should feel guilty for this. Give me money.

Offline Jag

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2013, 08:47:46 AM »
^^^Yep, just have to reroute some of the wiring and they are good to go again.

Yay for recycling!
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Offline hickdive

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Re: Jesus did NOT die for your sins
« Reply #15 on: October 02, 2013, 01:57:14 PM »
No, but when doing my work with reanimating corpses I am always sure to use the brain of a creationist. I mean there always in such good condition after being used so little, nigh on mint.

You must be very good at micro surgery.
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