Author Topic: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning  (Read 1338 times)

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Offline Nam

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I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« on: September 26, 2013, 12:51:33 PM »
It was 6am, still a bit dark outside. I had my brights on and I saw a turkey vulture in the middle of the road, didn't slow down because they always fly off before you get near them. I was only going 40 mph, no big deal. When I got so close I thought I was going to run it over, it finally took off but it was flying really low, and right in front of me and I slowed down, swerved to the left (it swerved to the left, too) and BOOM! right on my windshield. I stopped.

Now, I don't know if anyone here has seen one before (up close, and personal) but they are really big birds. I thought it was dead. Before I was going to push it off my windshield I thought I'd get a picture, so I took out my phone. It was still dark out, and I could barely see, and I accidentally hit the capture button and it flashed, and the bird came too and came toward me.

Funny enough, I wasn't scared but I wasn't stupid either, and I got right back into my car. It flapped its huge wings at my driver's door, and then I started the car, which did not scare it away, and proceeded to my destination. It followed me to the bridge (3 miles away) where it then flew off, I'm guessing, when a semi truck was coming from the other direction. Still nighttime, at that point.

Freaky bird.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

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Offline neopagan

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2013, 12:54:27 PM »
zombie buzzard
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2013, 12:59:49 PM »
zombie buzzard

Makes sense. Though, as stated, it was still dark outside I did have my brights on, and I saw no roadkill. So, what was it doing?

;)

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Nick

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2013, 01:05:21 PM »
Nam, it is clear as turkey vulture shit.  The bird was demon possessed.  That is why it was out at night and why it came back to life and went after you.  You are damn lucky it did not catch up to you.  But I would smear sheep blood over my front door stoop tonight just in case.  Would not be surprised in the least if it shows up at your place.  I don't mean to scare you but this is some powerful shit.  Do you have a living will, a will, and some notification of next of kin?
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline neopagan

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2013, 01:06:16 PM »
There are often wakes of turkey buzzards roaming the roads in the early morning hours where I live. Maybe that is their MO?  I can say I have never seen just one - always in groups.  Maybe it had nibbled on some sour apples and was a little tipsy or, Thor forbid, rabid??
You could have been a story link we put up, if you were not careful... :)
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2013, 01:16:21 PM »
Nam, it is clear as turkey vulture shit.  The bird was demon possessed.  That is why it was out at night and why it came back to life and went after you.  You are damn lucky it did not catch up to you.  But I would smear sheep blood over my front door stoop tonight just in case.  Would not be surprised in the least if it shows up at your place.  I don't mean to scare you but this is some powerful shit.  Do you have a living will, a will, and some notification of next of kin?

No, no, and...no. I ain't afraid of no bird. Not big bird, not Turkey dinner bird.

I rulez!

;)

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2013, 01:18:24 PM »
There are often wakes of turkey buzzards roaming the roads in the early morning hours where I live. Maybe that is their MO?  I can say I have never seen just one - always in groups.  Maybe it had nibbled on some sour apples and was a little tipsy or, Thor forbid, rabid??
You could have been a story link we put up, if you were not careful... :)

Yeah, they are usually in groups, or pairs. This one was alone. Perhaps it was an outcast. Wouldn't share its roadkill.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Hatter23

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2013, 01:20:43 PM »
Was kind of weirded out when I saw one settle on some roadkill in Mount Vernon section of Baltimore City. Seriously, the Middle of the damn city, and in the Highest Class and Gayest district....a buzzard in the middle of the road.
An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

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Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2013, 01:22:04 PM »
Was kind of weirded out when I saw one settle on some roadkill in Mount Vernon section of Baltimore City. Seriously, the Middle of the damn city, and in the Highest Class and Gayest district....a buzzard in the middle of the road.

Maybe it was chillaxin'.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline nogodsforme

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2013, 03:52:38 PM »
So, was it a turkey or was it a buzzard? To paraphrase George Carlin, check its ID and get back to us.
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2013, 05:44:04 PM »
So, was it a turkey or was it a buzzard? To paraphrase George Carlin, check its ID and get back to us.

Turkey Vulture. They are quite populous here in Florida.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline neopagan

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2013, 05:51:45 PM »
Okies call them buzzards... my bad, for interjecting the local vernacular.

Nam, you'll like this one - there's a town in OK they call "Miama" - I realized they were talking about Miami... it is spelled just like the FL city.  Not surprised they screw it up here, given it is an indian tribe name.
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2013, 05:51:47 PM »
Here's what one looks like: http://felid.org/activities/page_24.htm

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2013, 05:55:00 PM »
Okies call them buzzards... my bad, for interjecting the local vernacular.

Nam, you'll like this one - there's a town in OK they call "Miama" - I realized they were talking about Miami... it is spelled just like the FL city.  Not surprised they screw it up here, given it is an indian tribe name.

Hey, Florida has a Beverly Hills, and Hollywood. It also has a city named Jupiter, Howey-in-the-hills, and two towns in North Florida with the same name (though one is unincorporated).

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline neopagan

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2013, 06:02:50 PM »
I hope they at least use normal pronunciations...
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline nogodsforme

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #15 on: September 26, 2013, 06:06:39 PM »
Here's what one looks like: http://felid.org/activities/page_24.htm

-Nam

Carrion my wayward son...... ;D
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline wright

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #16 on: September 26, 2013, 06:57:35 PM »
Cool story, Nam. Given that the bird had the chutzpah to chase after you and fly away, I'm hoping he / she got away with minor injuries.

We have 'em in my part of California, too. And yeah, they're big. Usually they ride the thermals so high you don't have anything to compare their relative size to, but they're impressive. Even handsome, from a respectful distance.
Live a good life... If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.
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Offline Tero

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #17 on: September 26, 2013, 08:29:45 PM »
If you kill a TV, as we birders call them, will the other TV's eat it?

Offline Dante

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #18 on: September 27, 2013, 07:57:04 AM »
Slightly off topic, but relevant...

Have yinz been watching the "Earthflight" series currently airing on PBS? It's a series, of unknown length, of the world from a bird's eye view. Literally. Very good programming, IMO.

My wife of the time and I were driving to Grandmother's house in Patagonia a few years back, going ~55mph on some 2 lane blacktop just south of Tucson, when my truck got hit by an animal that left a very perfect dustprint on the windsheild. My wife looks at me, tears welling in her eyes, bottom lip quivering....so I says...

"They got some damn big bugs down here, huh?"
Actually it doesn't. One could conceivably be all-powerful but not exceptionally intelligent.

Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #19 on: September 27, 2013, 09:09:46 AM »
Nam, this just goes to show what a sweetheart you are. When I hit birds with my car, it takes a forensic ornithologist to figure out what kind I hit.
Not everyone is entitled to their own opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline neopagan

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #20 on: September 27, 2013, 10:37:56 AM »
I think Nam is on to something here - this morning I had to stop for a rafter of wild turkeys prancing about in the road.  I could have provided Thanksgiving dinner for half the street, had I plowed on through.
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #21 on: September 27, 2013, 10:59:46 AM »
Nam, this just goes to show what a sweetheart you are. When I hit birds with my car, it takes a forensic ornithologist to figure out what kind I hit.

Turkey Vultures are everywhere where I live. I really don't know too much about birds, individually.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #22 on: September 27, 2013, 11:02:06 AM »
I think Nam is on to something here - this morning I had to stop for a rafter of wild turkeys prancing about in the road.  I could have provided Thanksgiving dinner for half the street, had I plowed on through.

If these vultures were normal turkeys I'd be right there with you but Turkey Vultures are a protected bird. It's a crime to kill them without a special permit.

But they are a bit helpful. They clean the roads of roadkill.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Backspace

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #23 on: September 27, 2013, 11:23:14 AM »
...didn't slow down because they always fly off before you get near them.

Natural selection at work.
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Offline William

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #24 on: September 27, 2013, 11:30:36 AM »
Natural selection at work.

Birdie thought: "This Nam looks like birdie Num-Nums"
Git mit uns

Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #25 on: September 27, 2013, 11:41:29 AM »
Natural selection at work.

Birdie thought: "This Nam looks like birdie Num-Nums"

Roadkill that drives big truck (though not big enough to scare it). yum-yum.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline neopagan

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #26 on: September 27, 2013, 11:58:47 AM »
you know the last thing that went through that vulture's head?  his ass. (insert rimshot here)




If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nam

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #27 on: September 27, 2013, 02:05:52 PM »
I'm just glad it didn't get blood on my truck. I hate cleaning that shit off (yes, I've done it before--had to clean boars blood off a vehicle I owned once)

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline neopagan

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Re: I Hit a Turkey Vulture This Morning
« Reply #28 on: September 27, 2013, 02:09:09 PM »
^^^ Remind me never to bore you...   ;)
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan