Author Topic: Why did God have only one son?  (Read 1422 times)

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Offline relativetruth

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Why did God have only one son?
« on: August 16, 2013, 06:44:02 AM »
In the beginning Adam, 'the terrorist', blew up all of mankind's chances of living in the perfect world.

When God saw that even with his punishment of humans they had still not learned their lesson he killed everybody apart from a handful of people and animals.
When that did not work he then sent his son in the original 'good cop bad cop' scenario. 'I love you to bits, but  .. but, if you don't do what I council ... my Dad..... you know what he is like when he is really angry'.

That does not seem to be working out very well either.

My recommendation to God is that he, simultaneously, sends hundreds and thousands of sons and daughters into all the various cultures of world to finally sort it out once and for all.

What is your suggestions for which type of characters he should sent to which communities?
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Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2013, 07:30:37 AM »
Yep, as great communicators go, this god fella is way down the list. Worse yet, he stutters, can't spell and he sends mixed messages.

If something isn't working and you keep doing it, that's a sign that one is insane. The first newbies, Adam and Eve, had a pretty good list of excuses when they "sinned", because they had no experience in the bad guy department. But this god of theirs gave no quarter, and poof, they were expelled, etc.

The second newbies, Noah and the gang, post-flood, already sinners, learned little from their cruise and went morally bonkers pretty darned quick. Of course, they were probably all suffering from PTSD and all the psychologists had been drowned. But hey, that's the price we humans pay when we fail our loving sky-dad.

So yea, you would think that after our language fiasco and our propensity to, you know, populate the planet, this JC guy showing up in one small region and whipping out a few quotes and miracles, could hardly be expected to make a big dent in the overall sin rate. Especially because movable type, telegraphs, newspapers, magazines, undersea cables, radio, television and the Internet were still in their infancy. Well, unborn.  So the dependence on one messenger when the planet was somewhat bigger than he could rationally be expected to influence was a bit shortsighted. But at least being shortsighted is consistent with the god story, overall.

But yep, India, China, Europe, the various African cultures. North America, all could have used a visit from the kid or his siblings. In India, the brother of Jesus would have been put to death by being crushed by an elephant (a actual way of kiliing folks in the old days), so Indian christians would be wearing little Dumbo figures around their neck. In China he would have been hacked to bits by swordsmen, so swords. In Africa, he probably would have put out for the hyenas, so they would be wearing little dogs, while native Americans would have laughed him out of town, which would be problematic, silly little symbol-wise.

But yep, Omnipotent-Boy missed his chance back then to get the message out to a larger audience by being stingy with the virgins. Maybe he was shy, or still hung up on Mary and not inclined to secretly sleep with other virgins, or he found sex creepy, or something. In any case, it didn't work. And still doesn't. Which is crazy. But I already mentioned that.

Now days, it would be easy. Because of ad agencies and talent scouts and mass communications, he'd only need one kid again. I'm thinking Justin Beiber.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2013, 07:37:50 AM by ParkingPlaces »
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Offline screwtape

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2013, 07:48:45 AM »
What is your suggestions for which type of characters he should sent to which communities?

hot chicks with loose morals, everywhere.
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Offline William

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2013, 08:03:36 AM »
God only had one son because of statistics - there are many technical challenges that have to be overcome simultaneously:

1) God does not have semen to waste.

2) God has to find a willing obedient angel to carry that single special little piece of God - an angel that hasn't rebelled or is thinking of rebelling.

3) God has to find a virgin - pure of thought, but otherwise good genetics.

4) The angel has to have a really good bedside manner - the virgin must not scream with fright or in protest.
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Offline Nick

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2013, 08:06:04 AM »
Heratic.  It was not Adam's fault.  Eve led him to it.   Mormons think God had many, many sons.  Others only one.  You would think a God with no beginning or end would have found the time to produce a whole heard of sons/daughters.  True that a lot of cultures got the stinky end of the stick in this god business.  I'm confused...what was the question? :o
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Offline jetson

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2013, 08:57:38 AM »
I thought we were all children of the almighty?  Shows you what I know...

I'm reminded of the many discussions I've had with believers who simply cannot imagine a different "plan" than the one we are operating under according to the many thousands of Christian sects...errr...wait?  Wut?

Any time I suggest an alternative to the story, you know, like creating heaven straight out of the gate, I get knocked about by those who say we can't know the mind of God, whilst simultaneously telling me exactly what the mind of God is.  Sigh.

Offline William

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2013, 09:35:32 AM »
What is your suggestions for which type of characters he should sent to which communities?

I think long haired chick-magnet hippies are universally admired/envied in any community.  But cool lingo and technology are critical - we've lost so much from the first version of the desert hippie rabbi Jesus captured in leaky oral tradition and eventually translated into stale ancient English.

A current version of Jesus would need a Twitter account and either an Apple iPhone 5 or a Samsung Galaxy Note 2 running the latest free Android update.  Google Translate would take care of everything else.

Are people beyond cell phone and internet coverage worth saving :?   I say fuck'em.  Living outside the network is plain dumb or rebellious.
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Offline jdawg70

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2013, 10:14:18 AM »
Are people beyond cell phone and internet coverage worth saving :?   I say fuck'em.  Living outside the network is plain dumb or rebellious.
This is the makings of a very interesting Verizon ad campaign.
"When we landed on the moon, that was the point where god should have come up and said 'hello'. Because if you invent some creatures, put them on the blue one and they make it to the grey one, you f**king turn up and say 'well done'."
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Offline neopagan

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2013, 10:36:46 AM »
I always liked hearing... "You are the only jeezus some will ever see."  Therefore:

a. then some are in deep shite
b. Omnimax is one impotent dude if that's his plan
c. his kids cannot agree on anything, so good luck (see a.)
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline bgb

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2013, 11:08:49 AM »
Angels are god's children out of wedlock.    ;D
The whole point of science is that most of it is uncertain. That's why science is exciting--because we don't know. Science is all about things we don't understand. The public, of course, imagines science is just a set of facts. But it's not.  Freeman Dyson

Offline Nick

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2013, 01:36:13 PM »
Heard on the radio today that it cost an average of $200,000 to raise a kid from birth to 17 today.  That is each kid.  Now you know why God only had one kid.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline neopagan

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2013, 01:56:45 PM »
God only had one son because of statistics - there are many technical challenges that have to be overcome simultaneously:

1) God does not have semen to waste.


He doesn't quite get how it works out biologically either, since the "holy spirit came upon Mary."
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nam

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2013, 02:19:11 PM »
Maybe Biblegod has a low sperm count. When it spews it spews empty.

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Offline relativetruth

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2013, 06:33:18 PM »
Maybe Biblegod has a low sperm count. When it spews it spews empty.

-Nam


So you think that, maybe, he tried to impregnate lots of virgins of pure thought thoughout the world but only got lucky with just the one Mary?

Or is it that Allah takes all the potential candidates to make up the 72 per Muslim male quota?

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Offline Nam

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2013, 09:13:09 PM »
Mary was, what? 12 or 13? What "thought" did she have, "Oh shit! I'm pregnant! Shouldn't have gotten pregnant by my soon-to-be husband's father...I know God impregnated me! it's a miracle!"

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Offline neopagan

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2013, 10:23:52 PM »
another possibility - celestial coversation:

jeezus:  dad, dad... yo, where are you?

YHWH: who the hell is looking for me now...? Oh, hey son... wait, what are you doing back already, what's it been like thirty years? 

j h c: yeah, I'm back, it didn't go so well.  Thye umm, well, they crucified me.

Y: They crucified you, damn boy you look like death warmed up. What about all the magic tricks I taught you? You did that thing with the wine, right, I mean I made wine to make their hearts glad - that trick should have killed!

j h c: Yeah, I did that one and some healings and a few of the ones you said to save to really wow them - the raised from the dead stuff.  Those dudes stunk by the way. Seems it all went to shit when I started talking about you being my dad; they got all pissy and beat me up pretty bad and nailed me up on a cross. I think this is a job for more than one person.  Could we try maybe a couple dozen more messiahs to get the word out and maybe send some badass angels to protect them?

Y (scratching beard): Hmmm, maybe... what did you tell them before you died?

j h: I told those bastards I'd be back within 36 hours to kick the asses of any who hadn't seen death yet... But frankly, I kinda like being here again.  Streets are nice, running water and virgins aplenty.

Y: Tell you what, just leave them with your parting words and see what they make of it.  Let's go play golf on this new planet I just made yesterday. We will get back to earth in a couple weeks... or thousands of years... whatever, all the same to me. What's your handicap, by the way?
 

If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nam

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #16 on: August 17, 2013, 08:14:03 AM »
Did Biblegod create golf? And why wouldn't the planets be golf balls? Is Biblegod  short like Napoleon?

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Offline Willie

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #17 on: August 17, 2013, 09:15:37 PM »
God only had one son because of statistics - there are many technical challenges that have to be overcome simultaneously:

1) God does not have semen to waste.

2) God has to find a willing obedient angel to carry that single special little piece of God - an angel that hasn't rebelled or is thinking of rebelling.

3) God has to find a virgin - pure of thought, but otherwise good genetics.

4) The angel has to have a really good bedside manner - the virgin must not scream with fright or in protest.

Couldn't he just say "Let there be sons", and there would be however many sons he wants, fully formed right from the start just like Adam and Eve, no semen, mother, or birth needed? That seems like it would be pretty trivial compared to speaking a whole universe into existence, with its quadrillions of stars and likely even more planets.

Offline neopagan

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #18 on: August 17, 2013, 09:39:04 PM »
^^^^
I think the gaggle of folks who came up with this story {yarn} could have used a class on basic editing and continuity... they forgot some of the tricks biblegod used in the past when they started incorporating the traditions of other religions (like a god knocking up a virgin)
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Offline Add Homonym

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #19 on: August 18, 2013, 10:30:46 AM »
[6] Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them.
[7] And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.


Discuss.

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/contra/sons.html
« Last Edit: August 18, 2013, 10:37:03 AM by Add Homonym »
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Offline neopagan

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #20 on: August 18, 2013, 11:29:40 AM »
I tried to wrap my head around the apologist "explanation" I heard about those verses in my old fundie days just now and got dangerously close to suck starting my pistol... All I can say is refer to what I said in the post abive... they needed an editor to point out incongruencies in their tall tales.
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Nick

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #21 on: August 18, 2013, 11:42:34 AM »
That sounds closer to the Mormon version of God.  Jesus and Satan being brothers and all.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

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Online 12 Monkeys

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #22 on: August 18, 2013, 05:57:03 PM »
I am really concerned the original people he swore to protect(the Jews) are left in the cold because this fraud pretending to be the "son of God".  Or it's all bullshit and Christians do not really exist because God had no children and the Christians are screwed.
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Offline Nam

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #23 on: August 18, 2013, 07:08:26 PM »
That sounds closer to the Mormon version of God.  Jesus and Satan being brothers and all.

It makes more sense to me that Biblegod  has multiple personality disorder and that it is both "god" and "Satan".

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Offline screwtape

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #24 on: August 19, 2013, 08:48:15 AM »
[6] Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them.
[7] And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.


Discuss.

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/contra/sons.html

Also, gen 6:2
the sons of the gods[1] saw that the daughters of humans were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose.

they are mentioned two more times in that chapter.
 1. often translated as "God", but the word is "elohim", plural, which is "the lords"
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Offline neopagan

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #25 on: August 19, 2013, 10:55:27 AM »
Also, gen 6:2
the sons of the gods[1] saw that the daughters of humans were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose.

they are mentioned two more times in that chapter.
 1. often translated as "God", but the word is "elohim", plural, which is "the lords"

Those pesky nephilim - there are so many explanations of what those were and not a one makes any sense.  Maybe we'll dig one up someday?
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline screwtape

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #26 on: August 19, 2013, 11:15:29 AM »
Those pesky nephilim - there are so many explanations of what those were and not a one makes any sense.  Maybe we'll dig one up someday?

http://www.altheadlines.com/nephilim-skeletons-giant-bones-and-skulls-discovered-13249007/

http://www.teklinepublishing.co.uk/art-nephilim2.htm

http://2012thebigpicture.wordpress.com/tag/nephilim/
this one is fun because of the anti-government conspiracy theory tone of it.
"If you check government-approved history books, the only “giants” you’ll see will be dinosaurs..."

http://www.southmilwaukeenow.com/blogs/communityblogs/187467521.html
this guy campaigned for Ron Paul.  Of course.  For whom else would have have campaigned?



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Offline neopagan

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #27 on: August 19, 2013, 11:52:08 AM »
I like the self published book referred to as "the most important book since Darwin's 'The Origin of Species'"
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline screwtape

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Re: Why did God have only one son?
« Reply #28 on: August 19, 2013, 12:16:22 PM »
I like the self published book referred to as "the most important book since Darwin's 'The Origin of Species'"

yeah.  rates high on the crackpot index.
http://math.ucr.edu/home/baez/crackpot.html

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