Author Topic: Jesus has returned ... woohoo  (Read 1239 times)

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Offline Jontom10

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Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« on: May 29, 2013, 11:46:39 AM »
http://news.sky.com/story/1096687/former-it-specialist-claims-to-be-jesus-reborn

I'm selling all my stuff to be close to the messiah


Sheesh, can't they just lock this one up for his own protection ?
Hasa Diga Eebowai

Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2013, 11:57:18 AM »
so, he speaks Aramaic? 

Will the  locals string him up within 3 years?
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline rev45

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2013, 12:01:54 PM »
This Jesus fella sure does seem to get around.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_claimed_to_be_Jesus
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Online jaimehlers

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2013, 12:29:35 PM »
He needs to start reproducing those divine powers Jesus is said to have had, in a way that can be investigated and confirmed to be real.  Otherwise his claim is just a claim; he could well be acting.

Offline One Above All

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2013, 12:32:31 PM »
As the One Above All, I can tell you with absolute certainty that that's not Jesus.
The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
We choose our own gods.

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Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2013, 12:36:33 PM »
As the One Above All, I can tell you with absolute certainty that that's not Jesus.

One... jeezus is in a coffee shop in detroit playing checkers with Elvis.
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2013, 12:54:01 PM »
Given what happened to him the last time he was here, I'm surprised that he would have any interest in returning.

If this guy is Jesus, he is proof that JC was just a normal man, with delusions. Nothing wrong with that. We all have them. But most of us tone them down a bit.
Not everyone is entitled to their own opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2013, 01:08:45 PM »
at least this former IT guy found a nice girl to share his delusions... of course, according to the bible she was demon possessed
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline One Above All

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2013, 01:12:31 PM »
One... jeezus is in a coffee shop in detroit playing checkers with Elvis.

Now that sounds like jeebus.
The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
We choose our own gods.

A.K.A.: Blaziken_rjcf/Lucifer/All In One.

Offline jdawg70

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2013, 01:43:01 PM »
This Jesus fella sure does seem to get around.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_claimed_to_be_Jesus

The explanation is easy[1]:

At any given time, there is only one person in the world capable of bending all four major elements: Jesus. Jesus is the divine spiritual entity of the world continuously reborn and reincarnated in human form. When a Jesus dies, this spirit/soul is reborn and reincarnated into the next nation in the Jesus Cycle, according to the implied correspondence of seasons to the nations' cultures (Winter/Water Tribe; Spring/Earth Kingdom; Summer/Fire Nation; and Autumn/Air Nomads) and must master each bending art in seasonal order, starting with their own native/birth element. Additionally, Jesus possesses an immensely powerful spiritual ability called the Jesus State, which briefly endows them with all of the knowledge and abilities of all past Jesuss as a self-triggering defense mechanism, which can be made subject to the will of the user by extensive trial and training in total chakra energy harmony. Being killed in the Jesus state can cause the Jesuses to cease to continue. If a Jesus is killed in the Jesus State, the reincarnation cycle is broken, and the Jesus identity will cease to exist. Through the ages, the succeeding Jesuses have served to keep a relative equality among the nations, however, since Jesus connects the material world to the spiritual world, and vice versa, Jesus also must strive to keep balance between the worlds.
 1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avatar_the_last_airbender
"When we landed on the moon, that was the point where god should have come up and said 'hello'. Because if you invent some creatures, put them on the blue one and they make it to the grey one, you f**king turn up and say 'well done'."
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Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2013, 01:58:52 PM »
jdawg -

What are the admission requirements to Jesus State and do they offer any kind of financial aid (maybe 30 pieces of silver)?  Any alumni I could speak with?  My daughter is looking at colleges and this could be the one!
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2013, 02:13:59 PM »
This Jesus fella sure does seem to get around.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_claimed_to_be_Jesus

Cool. To get listed on wiki just have to claim I'm Jesus.

-Nam
A god is like a rock: it does absolutely nothing until someone or something forces it to do something. The only capability the rock has is doing nothing until another force compels it physically to move.

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Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2013, 02:26:22 PM »
I kinda like shapeshifting jeezus.

I reread the wiki entry and if you inert a booming voice for the first couple sentences, it would make a great movie preview for a summer blockbuster!
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline jdawg70

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2013, 04:34:43 PM »
jdawg -

What are the admission requirements to Jesus State and do they offer any kind of financial aid (maybe 30 pieces of silver)?  Any alumni I could speak with?  My daughter is looking at colleges and this could be the one!
My understanding is that the admission requirements involve wine and crackers...unless you're out of state, in which case you're supposed to get doused on water first with some weird Latin spoken in the mix.  The financial aid packages are actually pretty good, except eligibility is dependent on wearing weird robes and lighting candles at random points in the year.  As far as alumni is concerned, they are a little hard to get a hold of...seems that every graduate goes off to their jobs to never, ever be heard from again.  Until you get a job where they are at as well, in which case you can talk to the alum all day long but, sadly, will be unable to make a phone call or shoot a text to anyone who doesn't have that job.

However, it may be worth it.  I hear the BS degree from that place cannot be beat...
"When we landed on the moon, that was the point where god should have come up and said 'hello'. Because if you invent some creatures, put them on the blue one and they make it to the grey one, you f**king turn up and say 'well done'."
- Eddie Izzard

Online nogodsforme

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2013, 05:11:45 PM »
Given what happened to him the last time he was here, I'm surprised that he would have any interest in returning.

If this guy is Jesus, he is proof that JC was just a normal man, with delusions. Nothing wrong with that. We all have them. But most of us tone them down a bit.

That's what one xtian visitor said when we asked where god was. He is pissed off because of what we did last time. But wasn't that the plan from the getgo?
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Online Nick

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2013, 08:21:13 PM »
Have Him cure an amputee...then we will talk. ;)
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

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Offline The Gawd

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2013, 05:19:31 AM »
this my sound weird yo, but I believe him.

Offline Anfauglir

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2013, 06:18:16 AM »
I wonder - is any Christian here able to prove this man is NOT Christ?

If they can't, why should we not accept that this man really is who he says he is?
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
Why is it so hard for believers to answer a direct question?

Offline The Gawd

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2013, 06:21:03 AM »
to add to what Anf said, why shouldnt we have faith that this man is the living god?

Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #19 on: May 30, 2013, 08:19:22 AM »
two men say they're jeezus; one of them must be wrong.... 
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline Anfauglir

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #20 on: May 30, 2013, 08:41:35 AM »
two men say they're jeezus; one of them must be wrong....

Don't see why.  If god can be a Trinity, I see no reason at all why there can't be two Jesuses.  Father, Sons, and Holy Ghost - what's there to argue with there?
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
Why is it so hard for believers to answer a direct question?

Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #21 on: May 30, 2013, 09:19:26 AM »
two men say they're jeezus; one of them must be wrong....

Don't see why.  If god can be a Trinity, I see no reason at all why there can't be two Jesuses.  Father, Sons, and Holy Ghost - what's there to argue with there?

damn the Dire Straits and their silly logic!
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Offline bgb

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #22 on: May 30, 2013, 12:21:02 PM »
I'm waiting for a holy spirit return or sighting.  Something different than the Jebus stuff.
The whole point of science is that most of it is uncertain. That's why science is exciting--because we don't know. Science is all about things we don't understand. The public, of course, imagines science is just a set of facts. But it's not.  Freeman Dyson

Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2013, 02:10:21 PM »
I'm waiting for a holy spirit return or sighting.  Something different than the Jebus stuff.

what would a HS sighting look like?  flames on the head, casper, zombies...????

I'm more interested in what this Mary Magdalene girlfriend has to say - my first question: is jeezus circumcised?   ;)
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Online nogodsforme

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2013, 02:55:57 PM »
Second question for the girlfriend, any comments on his second coming? Bada bing, I'll be here all week. Try the falafel. Be sure to tip the wait staff.
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline Quesi

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2013, 04:04:52 PM »
Second question for the girlfriend, any comments on his second coming? Bada bing, I'll be here all week. Try the falafel. Be sure to tip the wait staff.

I read that with a six year old just feet away from me, and snorted water out of my nose.  She asked if I was laughing or sneezing, and I couldn't answer. 

From this point forward, just put a warning on posts like this, ok?  Dammit. 

Offline neopagan

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #26 on: May 30, 2013, 04:21:09 PM »
Warning...

3rd question for the girlfriend... Does jeezus ever claim to have nailed you?  If so is that a little ironically awkward?
If xian hell really exists, the stench of the burning billions of us should be a constant, putrid reminder to the handful of heavenward xians how loving your god is.  - neopagan

Online nogodsforme

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #27 on: May 31, 2013, 10:24:13 AM »
Second question for the girlfriend, any comments on his second coming? Bada bing, I'll be here all week. Try the falafel. Be sure to tip the wait staff.

I read that with a six year old just feet away from me, and snorted water out of my nose.  She asked if I was laughing or sneezing, and I couldn't answer. 

From this point forward, just put a warning on posts like this, ok?  Dammit.
Back when I lived in the commune with 17 people in one house (yeah, I know, life is long, okay?) I was ordered not to speak at dinner because so many people choked or snorted milk out of their noses. I used to be funny.
Extraordinary claims of the bible don't even have ordinary evidence.

Kids aren't paying attention most of the time in science classes so it seems silly to get worked up over ID being taught in schools.

Offline William

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Re: Jesus has returned ... woohoo
« Reply #28 on: May 31, 2013, 11:22:59 AM »
Don't see why.  If god can be a Trinity, I see no reason at all why there can't be two Jesuses.  Father, Sons, and Holy Ghost - what's there to argue with there?

Didn't it say somewhere: "... only begotten son ..."  :laugh:

But nevermind, Jesus could walk on water, rise from the dead, and fly like superman ... so time travel and entering a new soma with an aussie accent shouldn't be a big deal.

I'm on the record here at WWGHA as saying there should be a whole posse of Jesuses, like one for every nation/language and at least every century.

But my big question is: "WHERE ARE THE PROPHECIES????"
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