After giving you the +1 in your OP, I got access to The Shelter, so I thought I'd give you my opinion personally.
This is the only place I dare voice this opinion and why I hang around this forum.
Completely understandable. There are many things I don't feel comfortable sharing here either.
I know the majority of members here will reply that it is because he does not exist.
But it is becoming clearer to me that I really am completely alone.
You are not alone. With the Internet, nobody is alone. Just being in this forum means you're not alone. If you want theists to advise you, simply ask for it. If you're looking for everyone's opinions, you'll get it.
The people at the church I go to don't know about my hardships; I haven't told them because they see me as the strong competent nurse I used to be.
Asking for help is not weakness. It takes more courage to ask for help than it does to deny that you need it.
Everywhere I turn for help has some reason to deny me.
Not in this forum, as evidenced by the replies.
No loving god would allow this to happen.
My advice would be to find something that you like doing, as a sort of search for something to give your life meaning. I, for one, enjoy writing. Try it for yourself.