Author Topic: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?  (Read 836 times)

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Offline tapdancingcow

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Have ya ever wondered what happened to the gold Jesus got.  Even if it was just a little bit it should have sustained them for quite some time and they sure could have asked for a nicer room at the inn and a nice upgrade would have been great after giving birth in a damn barn.  Frankinsense wasn't exactly cheap either in those days.  This family was either not very good with money or Joseph had a gambling problem.

Just wondering.

Tap


Offline magicmiles

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2013, 11:33:08 PM »
They used it to buy a GPS. Don't forget they had to find a different way back to Nazareth to avoid King Herod.
Go on up you baldhead.

Offline Astreja

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2013, 12:11:37 AM »
They used it to buy a GPS. Don't forget they had to find a different way back to Nazareth to avoid King Herod.

A God Positioning System?   ;D

And now I'm getting an image of a turn-of-the-millennium SUV, the floor mats in the back seat crunchy with take-out falafel wrappers...

"Honey, shouldn't we have turned left at Gaza?"

"It's all right, Mary; I know a shortc..."

"Waaaah!"

"Jesus Ch--"

"Joe!  Watch your language."

*undecipherable muttering* *fingers drumming on dashboard*  "Look, can't you feed him, or something?  Put on that Baby Genius Conversational Hebrew DVD again?

"And could we please roll down a window?  That frankincense and myrrh really stink."
« Last Edit: May 14, 2013, 12:20:50 AM by Astreja »
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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2013, 12:37:05 AM »
It wasn't gold. You know this because it turned their hands green.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Samothec

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2013, 01:31:30 AM »
Shhhhh. (Looks around for others listening. Then, whispering:) Okay, you didn't hear this from me. Why do you think you don't read about his childhood anywhere? Once they were able to cash in the gifts, they used the windfall to buy a home in the nice part of town and send Jesus to a good school. But that history doesn't lend itself to the "man of the people" image he was going for later in life. I'm just saying. So no more of the questions about the presents, okay? Capisce?
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline Anfauglir

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2013, 03:47:01 AM »
Seriously, what DID happen to the gifts?  Were they so insubstantial and small that they were of no real worth?  Say, as if he'd been given a $10 Ratners "gold" ring today?  But they were described as "treasures" - gifts of worth and value befitting a king.  So where DID they go?
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
Why is it so hard for believers to answer a direct question?

Offline Mrjason

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2013, 04:44:36 AM »
After getting over the euphoria of having a son Jo developed a massive inferiority complex about mary's "other man"
Sadly the relationship failed as mary couldn't handle the jealousy and Jo turned to drink.
The gold, frankincense and myrrh had to be sold to pay massive legal fees in a messy divorce and custody battle (the paternity issues were complex to say the least!)
This is why jesus had a life long aversion to money lenders and lawyers.
Jo and mary went their separate ways and jo was never mentioned again.

Sad but true.

Offline grant

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2013, 06:46:12 AM »
There were no gifts.

There was no financial windfall.

It didn't happen.

Full Stop.

You pretenders! Got a soft spot needs scratching?

Nam, you surprise me....
What if the hokey pokey is what its all about?

Offline Odin

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2013, 07:08:00 AM »
It didn't happen.

Of course it happened.  And snakes talked, and there were unicorns, and in offshoot versions, winged horses.

Read about Ananias and Sapphira.  This is what happened to the gold.  The cult got it.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%205&version=NIV

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Offline The Gawd

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2013, 07:10:00 AM »
There we go again asking those critical questions. You all know good and well that the books werent made for people to ask questions, only to accept and put money in the dish.

Offline anthony_retford

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2013, 07:47:35 AM »
The reason there is such a gap of 30 years is that the originators could not dream up anything worthy of faith, and it would have been overkill if a child went around healing and raising the dead, etc. Imagine the liability issues if little jesus had screwed up doing a miracle? Then they would have needed the gold.
People are 'erroneously confident' in their knowledge and underestimate the odds that their information or beliefs will be proved wrong. They tend to seek additional information in ways that confirm what they already believe.
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Offline Nick

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2013, 07:53:38 AM »
They used it to buy a GPS. Don't forget they had to find a different way back to Nazareth to avoid King Herod.

A God Positioning System?   ;D

And now I'm getting an image of a turn-of-the-millennium SUV, the floor mats in the back seat crunchy with take-out falafel wrappers...

"Honey, shouldn't we have turned left at Gaza?"

"It's all right, Mary; I know a shortc..."

"Waaaah!"

"Jesus Ch--"

"Joe!  Watch your language."

*undecipherable muttering* *fingers drumming on dashboard*  "Look, can't you feed him, or something?  Put on that Baby Genius Conversational Hebrew DVD again?

"And could we please roll down a window?  That frankincense and myrrh really stink."
Jesus, "Are we there yet?"
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2013, 08:38:14 AM »
I surprise someone? That's new...

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Online jdawg70

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2013, 09:35:47 AM »
Seriously, what DID happen to the gifts?  Were they so insubstantial and small that they were of no real worth?  Say, as if he'd been given a $10 Ratners "gold" ring today?  But they were described as "treasures" - gifts of worth and value befitting a king.  So where DID they go?
The gifts were handed down to Jesus' descendants throughout generations of awkward Christmas gatherings.  The Myrrh was actually lost around 750A.D. when it was accidentally tossed out with the fruitcake that Lazarus brought to Jesus' 27th birthday bash (it was a long running joke after that; Mary Magdelene just wouldn't let it go).

Like all perpetually-passed-around gifts, the gold and the frankincense are in the back corner of a storage unit somewhere with the old, good China and the broken space heater.  I suspect that you'll see it in the next season of Storage Wars.
"When we landed on the moon, that was the point where god should have come up and said 'hello'. Because if you invent some creatures, put them on the blue one and they make it to the grey one, you f**king turn up and say 'well done'."

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Offline tapdancingcow

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2013, 10:19:06 AM »
Good answer jdawg and everyone else gave very thoughtful, inspiring replies to my deep, probing question. 

Somewhere, I can't remember where, I read that gold in ancient times was worth worth much, much more than today.  They didn't have the means and ability to mine it , the New World and the California gold rush was centuries away so it was a very rare commodity indeed.  Royalty  had the corner market on gold so with that in mind this small bit of gold should have lasted them many years, perhaps a lifetime.  Or, maybe that's what happened to Jesus in the mysterious lost years.  The birthday gold financed a trip to India and he  learned about Eastern philosophies.   

Of course, it's all a silly fairy tale anyway and the nativity scene with the three wise men really has the markings of something from Sleeping Beauty or some other children's story. 

But for those who believe this stuff and think it's real you have to ask these odd little questions.  What happened to the gold?   

Or there's this......



Tapdancer

Offline Nick

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #15 on: May 14, 2013, 10:22:56 AM »
Or He wasted it on a very long (18 yr.) Spring Break on some beach.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Online Jag

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2013, 11:51:25 AM »
All of you really need to read Christopher Moore's book "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend" - that book explains the missing years. The lizard resurrection alone is worth the cost of the book.  ;)

http://www.chrismoore.com/lamb.html
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Offline Mooby

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2013, 06:43:24 PM »
The Bible also has Jesus' family fleeing during the night.  They might not have had time to pack, or may have had to spend the gold bribing the innkeeper/others to keep quiet, or have used it to provide for the family during their time in Egypt, or they may have used it to educate Jesus (the Gospels suggest that Jesus was at least well-educated in Jewish Law), or they may have used it in small doses over a period of many years, or they may have given it to the poor, or they may have tossed it in the River Jordan on the basis that it's not really that important.
"I'm doing science and I'm still alive."--J.C.

Offline Nick

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #18 on: May 14, 2013, 07:16:39 PM »
I'm sure that naked archaeologist guy will track it down soon.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Anfauglir

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #19 on: May 15, 2013, 03:28:17 AM »
.....on the basis that it's not really that important.

If the gifts are not really that important, one wonders why they mentioned them.  I wonder how the wise men felt, knowing that their gifts were so appreciated?   ;)

On a more serious note, I suspect that the point would be something like "although Christ was venerated as a King and offered gifts appropriate to his station, they were meaningless to him as his riches were in Heaven".  Which is fine, but I would think it should really have been specified.  Otherwise you do get the quite reasonable questions of "where did all the money go?"
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
Why is it so hard for believers to answer a direct question?

Offline Tero

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2013, 06:38:37 AM »
They used it to buy a GPS. Don't forget they had to find a different way back to Nazareth to avoid King Herod.
Wow, we need that so we know where all these Capernaums and seas and Bethlehems were. We just need to find thei house and Jesus' birth certificate.

Offline Nick

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #21 on: May 15, 2013, 07:41:53 AM »
They used it to buy a GPS. Don't forget they had to find a different way back to Nazareth to avoid King Herod.
Wow, we need that so we know where all these Capernaums and seas and Bethlehems were. We just need to find thei house and Jesus' birth certificate.
Make sure it is the long form.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline The Gawd

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2013, 08:21:25 AM »
well, depending on the translation, unicorns were biblical...

Offline Quesi

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2013, 11:23:08 AM »
Ok folks.  I think I can answer this.

Now the Christian scriptures don't tell us too much about Jesus as a kid.  But ironically, the Quran provides much more insight about the amazing young Jesus.   Here is a quick synopsis of a story that was left out of the Christian texts:

That day, Mary gave birth to her son Jesus in the middle of the desert.

Forty days later she carried baby Jesus back to her people. The Quran goes on to describe that Mary vowed not to speak to anyone that day, as God was to make Jesus, who Muslims believe spoke in the cradle, perform his first miracle. The Quran goes on to narrate that Mary then brought Jesus to the temple, where she was immediately ridiculed by all the temple elders. But Zachariah believed in the virgin birth and supported her. The elders accused Mary of being a loose woman and having touched another man while unmarried. In response, Mary pointed to her son, telling them to talk to him. They were angered at this and thought she was mocking them, by asking them to speak with an infant. It was then that God made the infant Jesus speak from the cradle and he spoke of his prophecy for the first time. He said, which are verses 19:30-33 in the chapter of Mary in the Quran:


He said: "I am indeed a servant of Allah: He hath given me revelation and made me a prophet;
 And He hath made me blessed wheresoever I be, and hath enjoined on me Prayer and Charity as long as I live;
 (He) hath made me kind to my mother, and not overbearing or miserable;
 So peace is on me the day I was born, the day that I die, and the day that I shall be raised up to life (again)!"

—Quran, sura 19 Maryam, ayat 30-33[6][15]
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_in_Islam

Now this is what I'm thinking.  Mary did not invest in a 529 college fund with her windfall.  Instead, she went to the temple, and it was a pretty emotional experience all around.  I suspect that she made some poor choices that day. 

Now who remembers the scene from the other scriptures, where Jesus as an adult, gets really really upset about commercial activity going on in the temple?  I think most of us might consider his temper tantrum really disproportionate to the circumstances.  I mean, he was downright violent!

So here is my theory.  Back on that day when Jesus was a baby, (a talking baby) Mary took him to the temple, and there was commercial activities going on.  After the whole ordeal of being mocked by the elders, she went on a shopping spree, and she blew all of the money.

Seriously.  I think this explains a lot about that Jesus tantrum decades later.

What do our biblical scholars think?   

Offline tapdancingcow

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #24 on: May 15, 2013, 01:36:57 PM »
The mystery of where the gold went is symptomatic of so many other problems in the Bible.

I've also wondered about the Three Wise Guys, probably from Persia, who see a star in the East but travel West.  I presume the bright star,  Venus or a comet or something like that, went across the sky in a westerly fashion but when they first saw it in the east did they start off going east then realized it was going west?  They must have been wondering around for a time.  Does the Bible say how long it took them to get to the nativity barn? 


Quesi, is there a good translation of the  Quran?  Have you read the entire thing and is it a pain to read, like the Bible?  How long is it?

Tap

Offline Quesi

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #25 on: May 15, 2013, 02:36:44 PM »


Quesi, is there a good translation of the  Quran?  Have you read the entire thing and is it a pain to read, like the Bible?  How long is it?

Tap

I have not read the whole thing.  Just bits and pieces.  But I live in a community with a huge Muslim population, so I ask questions and friends answer. 

There is NOT a good English translation.  In fact, the English translations really suck, and it is much worse than reading the bible because of the halting language.

But it is pretty much like the OT.  There is a lot more in terms of detail when it comes to many of the OT stories.  There is gobs on Noah, and surprisingly more on the Virgin Mary than in the OT.   

The same old OT rules, of course, that most Christians pretend don't exist.  You know, marry your rapist, take your disobedient kid to the village elders to be stoned to death. 

Abraham was told to sacrifice the older boy (the one with Hagar) rather than the one with his wife.  But god stepped in an stopped him.  And Hagar is a major protagonist - the Mother of the Arab people.  There is a lot more about lines of inheritance and family obligations and how to treat strangers and travelers and whatnot.  But it is pretty much the same. 

Offline Mooby

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #26 on: May 15, 2013, 05:15:38 PM »
I've also wondered about the Three Wise Guys, probably from Persia, who see a star in the East but travel West.  I presume the bright star,  Venus or a comet or something like that, went across the sky in a westerly fashion but when they first saw it in the east did they start off going east then realized it was going west?  They must have been wondering around for a time.  Does the Bible say how long it took them to get to the nativity barn?
Would you be less confused if it read thusly:

Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from Persia to Jerusalem,

2 Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in Persia, and are come to worship him.
"I'm doing science and I'm still alive."--J.C.

Offline Jontom10

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Re: So, what happened to the gold Jesus got for his birthday? Hummm?
« Reply #27 on: May 16, 2013, 04:51:48 PM »
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