« previous next »
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Sign from god on goldfish cracker  (Read 1459 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline rev45

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1219
  • Darwins +37/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • Did your parents raise you to be an idiot?
Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« on: April 05, 2013, 08:26:51 PM »
Shut the website down.  God, the Christian one, is letting us know he's there.  This time on a goldfish cracker.  See you all on the Christian forums.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/florida-woman-finds-sign-god-her-goldfish-cracker-191857159.html
Logged
Here read a book.  It's free.
http://www.literatureproject.com/

Could a being create the fifty billion galaxies, each with two hundred billion stars, then rejoice in the smell of burning goat flesh?   Ron Patterson

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 10825
  • Darwins +206/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2013, 10:00:33 PM »
Is that a move up or back from appearing on toast?
Logged
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline stuffin

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 772
  • Darwins +27/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2013, 10:09:18 PM »
This must be the real sign, I better covert before it's too late.

Where the fuck did I put my Rosary?
Logged
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Online Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 13713
  • Darwins +376/-89
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2013, 10:15:48 PM »
Why is it almost always food? Does Biblegod want us to eat it?

-Nam
Logged
Quote from: Dante Harnz on December 30, 2014, 09:16:11 PM
I am not even an idiot!  I am a smart man!  I am a smart person!  I do math!  I know about some insects!  I read 1984 in high school!  You don't know me!  I am smart!  you don't even know!

Offline Aaron123

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2791
  • Darwins +80/-1
  • Gender: Male
Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2013, 11:58:21 PM »
Proof that god does not exist #87307

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/florida-woman-finds-sign-god-her-goldfish-cracker-191857159.html

Quote
The Florida resident says the markings she found on a Goldfish cracker are a direct message affirming her Christian faith.

“I believe that it’s a sign, a sign from God,” Patti Burke told WKMG. “He is still in our life every day, and he wants to show that to his people.”

One would think that if god can take the time to alter a goldfish cracker, he could manage to heal an amputee, or feed starving children[1], or about... anything, really.  Instead, it's nonsense like this.  Remember when he used to do cool stuff like parting the Red Sea, turning water into blood, and feeding 5,000 people with only a few loaves of bread?  Those were the days...
 1. Oh yeah, feeding starving children is an evil, evil thing.  Silly me.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2013, 12:00:15 AM by Aaron123 »
Logged
Quote from: tbright on November 02, 2010, 12:26:25 PM
Being a Christian, I've made my decision. That decision offers no compromise; therefore, I'm closed to anything else.

Offline Aaron123

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2791
  • Darwins +80/-1
  • Gender: Male
Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2013, 12:02:41 AM »
Crap, I made this topic before reading this one.
Logged
Quote from: tbright on November 02, 2010, 12:26:25 PM
Being a Christian, I've made my decision. That decision offers no compromise; therefore, I'm closed to anything else.

Offline Bereft_of_Faith

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 931
  • Darwins +39/-2
Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2013, 12:50:07 AM »
Cross in a circle?  I call BS!  Now if the fish had ????? written on it, I'd be on my knees by now.
Logged

Online Azdgari

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12731
  • Darwins +318/-34
  • Gender: Male
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2013, 03:19:58 AM »
Logged
+2/-0 karm for this message
Quote from: junebug72 on November 17, 2014, 09:03:49 AM
I have not encountered any mechanical malfunctioning in my spirit.  It works every single time I need it to.

Offline shnozzola

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 2029
  • Darwins +118/-2
Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2013, 07:07:01 AM »
The joke will be on us when she sells the goldfish to the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan retirement home for $50,000.
Logged
“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something."  ~ T. H. White
  The real holy trinity:  onion, celery, and bell pepper ~  all Cajun Chefs

Offline Quesi

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1986
  • Darwins +371/-4
  • Gender: Female
  • WWGHA Member
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2013, 07:41:41 AM »
Wayne gets earthquake dreams.  This lady gets goldfish crackers.  I think it is pretty clear that god is everywhere, and that we are just ignoring the signs. 



Look at this little guy.  He is just smirking at disbelievers. 
Logged

Offline screwtape

  • The Great Red Dragon
  • Administrator
  • *******
  • Posts: 12872
  • Darwins +725/-28
  • Gender: Male
  • Karma mooch
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2013, 10:21:57 AM »
jesus christ, people are idiots.  That is the imprint of a flat head phillips drive machine screw. 
http://www.amazon.com/Stainless-Steel-Machine-Phillips-Length/dp/B000FN1VUA

Obviously there was some kind of mechanical problem at the goldfish factory.  This stupid woman should be sterilized and put in a home for retards immediately.



merged topics
« Last Edit: April 06, 2013, 10:29:58 AM by screwtape »
Logged
Links:
Rules
Guides & Tutorials

What's true is already so. Owning up to it does not make it worse.

Offline The Gawd

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 960
  • Darwins +82/-5
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2013, 10:46:20 AM »
its actually an "X" with a circle around it, not a cross... its my religious symbol. She is getting my message but attributing it to this imposter yahweh...

I am the Great He Who Affecteth Crackers with thine symbol of Grace
Logged

Offline stuffin

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 772
  • Darwins +27/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2013, 01:27:29 PM »
On closer examination, that doesn't look like a goldfish cracker, too many facial details.
Logged
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Offline sun_king

  • Graduate
  • ****
  • Posts: 388
  • Darwins +25/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • We see things not as they are, but as we are
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2013, 02:29:32 PM »
Quote from: Azdgari on April 06, 2013, 03:19:58 AM


This makes me wonder if god is working for some corporation whose fortunes are on the decline. God is probably a victim of outsourcing and they might have let the Holy Spirit go as part of downsizing.

For me the symbol on the cracker reaffirms my faith in the Ninja.
Logged

Offline IAmFirst

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1556
  • Darwins +6/-0
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2013, 03:41:52 PM »
Goodness! From dog's asses to toast now to the smallest cracker available? I wouldn't be surprised to see a comment on the story claiming it's a direct message to stop gay marriage and stop teaching evolution. :D
Logged
2nd of all, if all you believe in is peer-reviewed papers, you won't go very far in life...

-- Shin :D

Offline Bereft_of_Faith

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 931
  • Darwins +39/-2
Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #15 on: April 07, 2013, 05:07:42 AM »
Quote from: Bereft_of_Faith on April 06, 2013, 12:50:07 AM
Cross in a circle?  I call BS!  Now if the fish had ????? written on it, I'd be on my knees by now.

Greek characters stepped on my ixthus joke. :-[
Logged

Offline Bereft_of_Faith

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 931
  • Darwins +39/-2
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2013, 05:10:09 AM »
Quote from: screwtape on April 06, 2013, 10:21:57 AM
jesus christ, people are idiots.  That is the imprint of a flat head phillips drive machine screw. 
http://www.amazon.com/Stainless-Steel-Machine-Phillips-Length/dp/B000FN1VUA

Obviously there was some kind of mechanical problem at the goldfish factory.  This stupid woman should be sterilized and put in a home for retards immediately.

Ding ding!  I think we have a winner.
Logged

Offline He_Is_Risen

  • Novice
  • Posts: 1
  • Darwins +0/-0
  • WWGHA Member
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #17 on: April 07, 2013, 06:12:36 AM »
The disturbing part is, America is FULL of people like this, and they vote.
Logged

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 10825
  • Darwins +206/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2013, 10:11:57 AM »
Well, Jesus did have carpenter training from one of His 2 dads so He could have used a phillips screw driver on the fish.
Logged
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Backspace

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1327
  • Darwins +60/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • IXNAY
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2013, 07:05:05 PM »
Of course this begs the question, what's on the other side of the cracker?  Why is only one side shown?  I think Satan is at work here...  :o
Logged
There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
-- Bernie Katz

Offline Bereft_of_Faith

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 931
  • Darwins +39/-2
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #20 on: April 08, 2013, 01:46:45 AM »
"seeth thou the other side!" in very tiny inscription.
Logged

Offline Aaron123

  • Fellow
  • *******
  • Posts: 2791
  • Darwins +80/-1
  • Gender: Male
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #21 on: April 08, 2013, 08:20:19 AM »
Quote from: screwtape on April 06, 2013, 10:21:57 AM
jesus christ, people are idiots.  That is the imprint of a flat head phillips drive machine screw. 
http://www.amazon.com/Stainless-Steel-Machine-Phillips-Length/dp/B000FN1VUA

Obviously there was some kind of mechanical problem at the goldfish factory. 

Well, obviously, god guided the machine screw to imprint itself on the goldfish.

Sure, it looks like a mechanical problem occured, but that's what HE wanted you to think.  The reason being... being... uh... uh...
Logged
Quote from: tbright on November 02, 2010, 12:26:25 PM
Being a Christian, I've made my decision. That decision offers no compromise; therefore, I'm closed to anything else.

Offline rev45

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1219
  • Darwins +37/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • Did your parents raise you to be an idiot?
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #22 on: April 08, 2013, 08:31:06 AM »
^He allowed the cracker to be disfigured by a machine so that it could find it's way to this woman, who's faith in him is now strengthened and thus will allow her to spread the message of his love.  God doesn't always work in mysterious ways.  ;)
Logged
Here read a book.  It's free.
http://www.literatureproject.com/

Could a being create the fifty billion galaxies, each with two hundred billion stars, then rejoice in the smell of burning goat flesh?   Ron Patterson

Offline jynnan tonnix

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1805
  • Darwins +95/-1
  • Gender: Female
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #23 on: April 08, 2013, 08:56:11 AM »
OK, I see where the philips screw imprint could be interpreted as a cross, but the woman claims that the other mark resembles a "small golden crown". All I see is a circle. If she means a crown as seen from the underside, that's a bit of a stretch!
Logged

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 10825
  • Darwins +206/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #24 on: April 08, 2013, 11:55:24 AM »
Quote from: rev45 on April 08, 2013, 08:31:06 AM
^He allowed the cracker to be disfigured by a machine so that it could find it's way to this woman, who's faith in him is now strengthened and thus will allow her to spread the message of his love.  God doesn't always work in mysterious ways.  ;)
And be able to make a profit off of it by selling it on Ebay.
Logged
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Backspace

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1327
  • Darwins +60/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • IXNAY
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #25 on: April 08, 2013, 02:51:19 PM »
My favorite bit from the link:

Quote
Burke admittedly has been working from a large sample size, consuming between two and three pounds of the crackers per week. She says she eats the small crackers individually, examining each one for the optimal amount of savory coating.

How will she ever know if this Jesus FishTM has optimal savory coating if she doesn't eat it?  I can imagine Jesus calling to her, "Eat me Burke, eat me now..."

Personally, I think the cracker would be ideal at her next communion - paired, of course, with the right wine.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2013, 02:54:36 PM by Backspace »
Logged
There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
-- Bernie Katz

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 10825
  • Darwins +206/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #26 on: April 08, 2013, 06:49:25 PM »
Do you drink red or white wine with "Jesus Goldfish Crackers"?
Logged
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Schizoid

  • Undergraduate
  • ***
  • Posts: 135
  • Darwins +10/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #27 on: April 08, 2013, 08:02:50 PM »
Wow!  I, I just had some goldfish crackers just yesterday.  I guess i  should have paid closer attention :D
Logged

Offline Backspace

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1327
  • Darwins +60/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • IXNAY
Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #28 on: April 08, 2013, 08:12:48 PM »
Quote from: Nick on April 08, 2013, 06:49:25 PM
Do you drink red or white wine with "Jesus Goldfish Crackers"?

Red, blood red, of course.
Logged
There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
-- Bernie Katz
Pages: [1]   Go Up
« previous next »