Author Topic: Sign from god on goldfish cracker  (Read 1367 times)

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Offline rev45

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Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« on: April 05, 2013, 08:26:51 PM »
Shut the website down.  God, the Christian one, is letting us know he's there.  This time on a goldfish cracker.  See you all on the Christian forums.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/florida-woman-finds-sign-god-her-goldfish-cracker-191857159.html
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Offline Nick

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Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2013, 10:00:33 PM »
Is that a move up or back from appearing on toast?
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

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Offline stuffin

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Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2013, 10:09:18 PM »
This must be the real sign, I better covert before it's too late.

Where the fuck did I put my Rosary?
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Online Nam

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Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2013, 10:15:48 PM »
Why is it almost always food? Does Biblegod want us to eat it?

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Aaron123

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Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2013, 11:58:21 PM »
Proof that god does not exist #87307

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/florida-woman-finds-sign-god-her-goldfish-cracker-191857159.html

Quote
The Florida resident says the markings she found on a Goldfish cracker are a direct message affirming her Christian faith.

“I believe that it’s a sign, a sign from God,” Patti Burke told WKMG. “He is still in our life every day, and he wants to show that to his people.”

One would think that if god can take the time to alter a goldfish cracker, he could manage to heal an amputee, or feed starving children[1], or about... anything, really.  Instead, it's nonsense like this.  Remember when he used to do cool stuff like parting the Red Sea, turning water into blood, and feeding 5,000 people with only a few loaves of bread?  Those were the days...
 1. Oh yeah, feeding starving children is an evil, evil thing.  Silly me.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2013, 12:00:15 AM by Aaron123 »
Being a Christian, I've made my decision. That decision offers no compromise; therefore, I'm closed to anything else.

Offline Aaron123

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Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2013, 12:02:41 AM »
Crap, I made this topic before reading this one.
Being a Christian, I've made my decision. That decision offers no compromise; therefore, I'm closed to anything else.

Offline Bereft_of_Faith

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Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2013, 12:50:07 AM »
Cross in a circle?  I call BS!  Now if the fish had ????? written on it, I'd be on my knees by now.

Online Azdgari

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2013, 03:19:58 AM »
I have not encountered any mechanical malfunctioning in my spirit.  It works every single time I need it to.

Offline shnozzola

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Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2013, 07:07:01 AM »
The joke will be on us when she sells the goldfish to the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan retirement home for $50,000.
“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something."  ~ T. H. White
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Offline Quesi

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2013, 07:41:41 AM »
Wayne gets earthquake dreams.  This lady gets goldfish crackers.  I think it is pretty clear that god is everywhere, and that we are just ignoring the signs. 



Look at this little guy.  He is just smirking at disbelievers. 

Offline screwtape

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2013, 10:21:57 AM »
jesus christ, people are idiots.  That is the imprint of a flat head phillips drive machine screw. 
http://www.amazon.com/Stainless-Steel-Machine-Phillips-Length/dp/B000FN1VUA

Obviously there was some kind of mechanical problem at the goldfish factory.  This stupid woman should be sterilized and put in a home for retards immediately.



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« Last Edit: April 06, 2013, 10:29:58 AM by screwtape »
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Offline The Gawd

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2013, 10:46:20 AM »
its actually an "X" with a circle around it, not a cross... its my religious symbol. She is getting my message but attributing it to this imposter yahweh...

I am the Great He Who Affecteth Crackers with thine symbol of Grace

Offline stuffin

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2013, 01:27:29 PM »
On closer examination, that doesn't look like a goldfish cracker, too many facial details.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Offline sun_king

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2013, 02:29:32 PM »


This makes me wonder if god is working for some corporation whose fortunes are on the decline. God is probably a victim of outsourcing and they might have let the Holy Spirit go as part of downsizing.

For me the symbol on the cracker reaffirms my faith in the Ninja.

Offline IAmFirst

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2013, 03:41:52 PM »
Goodness! From dog's asses to toast now to the smallest cracker available? I wouldn't be surprised to see a comment on the story claiming it's a direct message to stop gay marriage and stop teaching evolution. :D
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Offline Bereft_of_Faith

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Re: Guess we've been wrong all along
« Reply #15 on: April 07, 2013, 05:07:42 AM »
Cross in a circle?  I call BS!  Now if the fish had ????? written on it, I'd be on my knees by now.

Greek characters stepped on my ixthus joke. :-[

Offline Bereft_of_Faith

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2013, 05:10:09 AM »
jesus christ, people are idiots.  That is the imprint of a flat head phillips drive machine screw. 
http://www.amazon.com/Stainless-Steel-Machine-Phillips-Length/dp/B000FN1VUA

Obviously there was some kind of mechanical problem at the goldfish factory.  This stupid woman should be sterilized and put in a home for retards immediately.

Ding ding!  I think we have a winner.

Offline He_Is_Risen

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #17 on: April 07, 2013, 06:12:36 AM »
The disturbing part is, America is FULL of people like this, and they vote.

Offline Nick

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2013, 10:11:57 AM »
Well, Jesus did have carpenter training from one of His 2 dads so He could have used a phillips screw driver on the fish.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Backspace

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2013, 07:05:05 PM »
Of course this begs the question, what's on the other side of the cracker?  Why is only one side shown?  I think Satan is at work here...  :o
There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
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Offline Bereft_of_Faith

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #20 on: April 08, 2013, 01:46:45 AM »
"seeth thou the other side!" in very tiny inscription.

Offline Aaron123

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #21 on: April 08, 2013, 08:20:19 AM »
jesus christ, people are idiots.  That is the imprint of a flat head phillips drive machine screw. 
http://www.amazon.com/Stainless-Steel-Machine-Phillips-Length/dp/B000FN1VUA

Obviously there was some kind of mechanical problem at the goldfish factory. 

Well, obviously, god guided the machine screw to imprint itself on the goldfish.

Sure, it looks like a mechanical problem occured, but that's what HE wanted you to think.  The reason being... being... uh... uh...
Being a Christian, I've made my decision. That decision offers no compromise; therefore, I'm closed to anything else.

Offline rev45

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #22 on: April 08, 2013, 08:31:06 AM »
^He allowed the cracker to be disfigured by a machine so that it could find it's way to this woman, who's faith in him is now strengthened and thus will allow her to spread the message of his love.  God doesn't always work in mysterious ways.  ;)
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Offline jynnan tonnix

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #23 on: April 08, 2013, 08:56:11 AM »
OK, I see where the philips screw imprint could be interpreted as a cross, but the woman claims that the other mark resembles a "small golden crown". All I see is a circle. If she means a crown as seen from the underside, that's a bit of a stretch!

Offline Nick

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #24 on: April 08, 2013, 11:55:24 AM »
^He allowed the cracker to be disfigured by a machine so that it could find it's way to this woman, who's faith in him is now strengthened and thus will allow her to spread the message of his love.  God doesn't always work in mysterious ways.  ;)
And be able to make a profit off of it by selling it on Ebay.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Backspace

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #25 on: April 08, 2013, 02:51:19 PM »
My favorite bit from the link:

Quote
Burke admittedly has been working from a large sample size, consuming between two and three pounds of the crackers per week. She says she eats the small crackers individually, examining each one for the optimal amount of savory coating.

How will she ever know if this Jesus FishTM has optimal savory coating if she doesn't eat it?  I can imagine Jesus calling to her, "Eat me Burke, eat me now..."

Personally, I think the cracker would be ideal at her next communion - paired, of course, with the right wine.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2013, 02:54:36 PM by Backspace »
There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
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Offline Nick

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #26 on: April 08, 2013, 06:49:25 PM »
Do you drink red or white wine with "Jesus Goldfish Crackers"?
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Schizoid

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #27 on: April 08, 2013, 08:02:50 PM »
Wow!  I, I just had some goldfish crackers just yesterday.  I guess i  should have paid closer attention :D

Offline Backspace

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Re: Sign from god on goldfish cracker
« Reply #28 on: April 08, 2013, 08:12:48 PM »
Do you drink red or white wine with "Jesus Goldfish Crackers"?

Red, blood red, of course.
There is no opinion so absurd that a preacher could not express it.
-- Bernie Katz