For one, Jehovah never made a law that dictates who is the better cook or anything of the sort. Jehovah's laws revolve around morality. If her denying you are the best cook was detrimental to everyone else in the world then you might have an accurate analogy.
He also hasn't tortured anyone for not accepting his counsel. If your daughter is out killing, raping, and plundering then certainly punishment is due, albeit not torture.
What you have done is made a Straw Man and then proceeded to make fun of it without any concern for the feelings of others. In fact, you do it knowing people that will find it offensive will read it.
I suspect some would find it offensive, though there is an underlying point as far as I can see.
God leads a horrific example in the bible. Sure, he's not judging people for not thinking he's the best cook, but lets look at God's judgment's in the bible.
-Gays are an abomination and should be put to death
-You should not lets witch live
-Variations of 'kill the non-believers', from teachings to actively doing it. We're not talking about rapists and murderers, but simply folks who worship others Gods. I don't think I've yet seen a teaching specific to atheism though. I think this is more along the line of what The Gawd is referring to. People who worship other Gods (or think they're a better cook). I will provide some more direct example below.
-Rapists shall pay to marry their victims and shall never divorce. Not taking into account the will or wellbeing of the victim.
-A person who is raped but does not scream is to be stoned to death (because it assumes because they did no scream, then it's adultery or pre-marital sex)
-Stone those who are not virgins on their wedding night
-Heck, I am pretty sure I saw one about killing those who work on the Sabbath.
-God has caused immense pain, suffering and death to test a man's faith to prove to Satan that his faith was real and not because God has blessed him. Coming up with the statement, "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh".
Yes, I am talking about the Old Testament, but if we are to believe the bible is accurate, regardless of whether you're somebody who believes the Old Testament is no longer relevant, it is all a part of God's past and it's a part of His profile.
Now for quotes.
Kil Those who don't listen to priests
Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel.
If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives."
(It's even more worrying knowing that some people like using this one on their bumper sticker)
A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death.
Kill those who strike their parents
Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death
If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death.
Doom for Those who sacrifice to a god other than the god of the bible (like how this one isn't condemning sacrifice, just it doesn't like it when it's another god)
Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord alone, shall be doomed.
Example of where non-believers were killed for simple being non-believers.
They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
Kill false prophets
If a man still prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, "You shall not live, because you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord." When he prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through.
Destroy a whole town for worshipping another god
Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. "The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him."
Murdering children for insulting a prophet
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. "Go up baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!" The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two shebears came out of the woods and tore forty two of the children to pieces.
There's plenty more to go. To be honest, what we see of extremist Muslims in the world today is pretty much found in the bible, just the parts people choose to ignore. I am happy for people to ignore them, because what I've read in the bible is shocking as far as I am concerned.
However, there are people who still believe in it, they either try to make excuses or in extreme cases agree with it, but follow the argument that it's how things used
In my chosen teachings I've gone for people who aren't rapists or murderers of even going to hurt people in society. The worst thing anybody's doing as far as I am concerned is calling a prophet 'baldy'.
I'm not sure what's more offensive, the God He's mocking or the fact he's mocking. For me, it's the god and not The Gawd. Of course to my mind, the most honest thing a believer could say, is "I believe those things are wrong, yet I don't believe it is how God is", meaning they have to accept that the bible was written by man and is therefore inaccurate, however, many out there aren't willing to do that and end up find excuses for the parts they don't agree with and attempting to put them into a different light because they're some how taken out of context.