So my daughter refuses to tell me I'm the greatest cook of all times

[The Gawd]

Okay, so I really been getting down in the kitchen as of late. My little one, 10 years old, has even mentioned it at every meal, "Daddy, this is really really good," she says. So I say, "thank you," and "you may as well say I'm the greatest cook ever!" But she absolutely refuses to say it. And this makes me extremely angry, because I made her.

Then I think, what would I do in that situation? If I went over to my parents house and my dad, who is a damn good cook, made a great meal and asked me to call him the greatest cook ever I would probably challenge him (like I refuse to call him Dr. Gawd since he got his PhD). So then I think, my daughter is just behaving like me, as she was created in my image down to half the DNA.

But still her refusal to tell me I am the greatest angers me. So, I thought about what to do. Being the good Christian that I am I looked down at my WWJD bracelet and went straight to the bible. It appears what our Lord and Savior would do is lock little TT (what I call her), in the basement and torture her for the rest of her existence. And since that's what our loving Heavenly Father would do, and my bracelet says WWJD? Thats what I would do. The only problem is I live in an apartment and dont have a basement.

My question to WWGHA is where should I do this torturing of my one greatest creation that I love more than life itself and would literally sacrifice myself for to keep out of harms way with no hopes and dreams of ever coming back to being The Gawd ever again? Where?

[Edited for minor grammatical changes]

[Nick]

You must remember that you also gave your daughter "free will".  Her choice is to call you the greatest cook ever or you can send her to hell.  It's her choice.  Hope she makes the right one.

[hickdive]

Rent a storage space.

[Tonus]

Remind her that the only way to get to eat from the Tree of Cookies and Ice Cream is to acknowledge who the greatest cook of all time is.  And the greatest dad.  And the greatest bridge player.  See just how great you can be until you run out of cookies and ice cream.

[jetson]

Nice story, but all I can think of now is what to make with my new blender.   

[ParkingPlaces]

Do keep in mind that her contractual obligations to you (assumed, not written) involve complying with your every expectation, whether she knows about them or not. Should she fail to meet even one of those built-in but not always spoken responsibilities, she is toast. Especially if you haven't conjured up a brother to forgive her.

This is not your fault. You are a good dad. She is probably in cahoots with a devil (which usually comes in the form of a grandparent or other adult willing to spoil her) and try as you might, there is nothing you can do, unless you accidentally create clarification and/or appear to her in human form. The latter of which you of course outlawed long ago.

On the surface, it looks like the solution be simple. Either lower your expectations or make her more aware of reality. The latter would give her the tools to make wise, just and agreeable choices. But neither is your responsibility. You did your part by creating a place for her to live and grow. Its up to her to use the opportunity wisely or fry.

By the way, your cooking is great. Fantastic. The best in the universe. And my opinion of your incredible culinary skill is freely given and has nothing to do with my claustrophobia or fear of dark places. Or my fear of storage units.

[One Above All]

Your daughter is clearly aware that there is a much better cook; namely Me.

[Brakeman]

You won't have to punish her. She's choosing her own punishment, you just have to supply the basement and the heating irons.

[The Gawd]

You must remember that you also gave your daughter "free will".  Her choice is to call you the greatest cook ever or you can send her to hell.  It's her choice.  Hope she makes the right one.

I realize I did, but I did not want her to use it to oppose me. Mine enemies shall be crushed beneath my Mighty Boot so sayeth the Father. Mine enemies would be those who feel there are or may be better cooks out there. This is an unforgivable sin.

Your daughter is clearly aware that there is a much better cook; namely Me.

Here you go trying to steal my culinary thunder... like Zeus tried to steal my thunder thunder... I'm gonna talk bad about you at the deity country club

Do keep in mind that her contractual obligations to you (assumed, not written) involve complying with your every expectation, whether she knows about them or not. Should she fail to meet even one of those built-in but not always spoken responsibilities, she is toast. Especially if you haven't conjured up a brother to forgive her.

This is not your fault. You are a good dad. She is probably in cahoots with a devil (which usually comes in the form of a grandparent or other adult willing to spoil her) and try as you might, there is nothing you can do, unless you accidentally create clarification and/or appear to her in human form. The latter of which you of course outlawed long ago.

On the surface, it looks like the solution be simple. Either lower your expectations or make her more aware of reality. The latter would give her the tools to make wise, just and agreeable choices. But neither is your responsibility. You did your part by creating a place for her to live and grow. Its up to her to use the opportunity wisely or fry.

By the way, your cooking is great. Fantastic. The best in the universe. And my opinion of your incredible culinary skill is freely given and has nothing to do with my claustrophobia or fear of dark places. Or my fear of storage units.

Ah, you shall be rewarded greatly for your praise. An eternity of enjoying my culinary expertise! Which is about 10 menu items, and one of em is chili dogs. Forever and ever. Chili dogs...

Nice story, but all I can think of now is what to make with my new blender.   

Kale shake?

Remind her that the only way to get to eat from the Tree of Cookies and Ice Cream is to acknowledge who the greatest cook of all time is.  And the greatest dad.  And the greatest bridge player.  See just how great you can be until you run out of cookies and ice cream.

**ashamed** I actually at all the Blue Bunny double strawberry so that will push my greatness down some in the eyes of the disbeliever

Rent a storage space.

Something I can work with. rent a POD or storage garage? If I do the POD its closer to me and I can torture at will. The storage space will allow me serenity from the screams of agony... and gnashing of teeth

You won't have to punish her. She's choosing her own punishment, you just have to supply the basement and the heating irons.

This is also true... She punished herself. Reminds me of kids with bruises at schools that "fell down the stairs"

[Nick]

If your diner (heaven) is going to be an endless supply of chilidogs forever then there had better be an endless supply of Febreze

[Jstwebbrowsing]

Since the only evidence I have of anything is words on a screen I don't even believe any of you exist.  I think you are all figments of my imagination.

[The Gawd]

Since the only evidence I have of anything is words on a screen I don't even believe any of you exist.  I think you are all figments of my imagination.

I'm not sure this is relevant to the topic at hand. Perhaps you could make a thread questioning whether we all even exist. This one is about me doing what Jehovah would do in the case of a child who would not pay proper reverence. And that is torture.

[Nick]

We can only hope.

[Jstwebbrowsing]

Oh.  You mean you are all acting like troublemaking children and want to be left alone while you pretend to have morals.  You say you are moral, but I see absolutely no evidence of this in your behavior.  And then you actually want me to give thought to your moral opinions in other threads?  It seems to me your beliefs have regressed your morals to that of bully children.  No thank you.

[The Gawd]

Oh.  You mean you are all acting like troublemaking children and want to be left alone while you pretend to have morals.  You say you are moral, but I see absolutely no evidence of this in your behavior.  And then you actually want me to give thought to your moral opinions in other threads?  It seems to me your beliefs have regressed your morals to that of bully children.  No thank you.

Again. Wrong topic. If you want to make a thread about morals I am absolutely sure some people on the board would LOVE to have that discussion. This is about doing what Jehovah would do to children he loved who refused to worship him the right way, and thus what I would do in the same situation. Following Jehovah's example down to the T. So I am planning the torture of my beloved child. Do you have anything to say on the topic, or are you going to continue to be a distraction?

[Jstwebbrowsing]

If you want to make a thread about morals I am absolutely sure some people on the board would LOVE to have that discussion.

No doubt.  But how many could actually show me any morals so that I should consider them an authority?

Plus how can I participate when the entire thing is a Straw Man?

[The Gawd]

No doubt.  But how many could actually show me any morals so that I should consider them an authority?

Plus how can I participate when the entire thing is a Straw Man?

I dont know, make the thread and find out. This thread is about following Jehovah's example as laid out in biblical scripture and torturing beloved children for not giving the proper adoration. Do you have anything to add? It looks as though you are creating a diversion to take the attention off of Jehovah's divine plan to torture, and thus carrying out your demonic plans of leading us away from the will of Jehovah.

[ParkingPlaces]

No doubt.  But how many could actually show me any morals so that I should consider them an authority?

Nobody has to be an authority on morals. They just need to not be an a** about it.

I haven't the slightest idea why I've never killed anyone, other than I've never thought I had the right. But I'm real good at it (not killing). What more could you ask for?

And when someone is making a commentary on how stupid the bible is, there really isn't any need for you to verify it via naïve posts. We're just having fun. You?

[Jstwebbrowsing]

No doubt.  But how many could actually show me any morals so that I should consider them an authority?

Nobody has to be an authority on morals.

I certainly have no ability to enforce morals but I am equipped to determine morality.  If you don't know right from wrong then you should learn.

They just need to not be an a** about it."

So that would exclude anyone that would make up lies to make fun of someone elses morals.  Yes, telling lies is immoral.

I haven't the slightest idea why I've never killed anyone, other than I've never thought I had the right. But I'm real good at it (not killing). What more could you ask for?

So you maintain enough morality to keep yourself out of prison.  That's not showing much.

And when someone is making a commentary on how stupid the bible is, there really isn't any need for you to verify it via naïve posts. We're just having fun. You?

So making up lies to make fun of someone's Father is fun for you all?  Are you sociopaths that derive pleasure from hurting others?  And do you at the same time claim to be moral?  How can I take anything you say about morality seriously?

[The Gawd]

who's making up lies? What are the lies?

[ParkingPlaces]

I haven't the slightest idea why I've never killed anyone, other than I've never thought I had the right. But I'm real good at it (not killing). What more could you ask for?

So you maintain enough morality to keep yourself out of prison.  That's not showing much.

Not true. Not true at all. I may have sounded slightly flippant, but I don't kill because I recognize that I have no right to harm another human in that way. I recognize that, unless my own life or the lives of others around me are immediately in danger and that killing was the only option, I have no human right, under any philosophical stance worth its salt, to hurt, let alone, kill others. And lacking the urge to do such things, I can honestly say I only thought about doing it once for about ten seconds, and I scared the heck out of myself.

I am moral because I recognize that a certain set of behavioral standards (against murder, robbery, rape, child molestation and other bad, bad rings) are both just and sensible. As a human being who lacks the insensitivity required to think I am more important than anyone else, I choose openly and obviously to behave myself. I am not fighting any urges to act in any other way.

Yep, I get a little cynical at times. But I'm never armed when I do it.

And when someone is making a commentary on how stupid the bible is, there really isn't any need for you to verify it via naïve posts. We're just having fun. You?

So making up lies to make fun of someone's Father is fun for you all?  Are you sociopaths that derive pleasure from hurting others?  And do you at the same time claim to be moral?  How can I take anything you say about morality seriously?
[/quote]

I'm not quite sure which father you're worried about. Your alleged god or the OP, where biblical edicts were made fun of. We atheists would have told anyone claiming to be god to fuck off long before we had our kid tied to the rock and ready to be killed in the name of our god. We don't have an Abraham to praise because no atheist would have ever let it go that far. And any did would never get praise from us anyway.

When the OP says he loves his child but the bible says he can treat her like shit if she doesn't venerate him, he is pointing out a weakness in biblical morality, not the morality of your average atheist. Who tends to spend a lot less time in jail than his religious counterparts.

Edit: Thought maybe I'd better fix the quotes being as I'm not a newbie.

[Bereft_of_Faith]

So making up lies to make fun of someone's Father is fun for you all?  Are you sociopaths that derive pleasure from hurting others?  And do you at the same time claim to be moral?  How can I take anything you say about morality seriously?

You DO realize that Gawd presented an analogy, using his (for the sake of the analogy) demands on his child as comparison to god's demands on his 'children'?  I would no more characterize an analogy as a lie than I would a parable. 

You are raising a straw man and I believe you know this.  You are certainly able to discern what Gawd was trying to do, but you feign insult and try to move the discussion to morals.  If you are sufficiently offended (or however you would characterize your objection), you can avoid addressing the analogy. 

[Seppuku]

Simple, become a better cook. 

[Jstwebbrowsing]

For one, Jehovah never made a law that dictates who is the better cook or anything of the sort.  Jehovah's laws revolve around morality.  If her denying you are the best cook was detrimental to everyone else in the world then you might have an accurate analogy.

He also hasn't tortured anyone for not accepting his counsel.  If your daughter is out killing, raping, and plundering then certainly punishment is due, albeit not torture.

What you have done is made a Straw Man and then proceeded to make fun of it without any concern for the feelings of others.  In fact, you do it knowing people that will find it offensive will read it.

I am moral because I recognize that a certain set of behavioral standards (against murder, robbery, rape, child molestation and other bad, bad rings) are both just and sensible. As a human being who lacks the insensitivity required to think I am more important than anyone else, I choose openly and obviously to behave myself. I am not fighting any urges to act in any other way.

Recognizing it and practicing it are two different things.  One makes you potentially moral and the other actually makes you moral.  What is your moral stance on treating others with kindness, gentleness, respect, and loving your neighbor as yourself?

[The Gawd]

For one, Jehovah never made a law that dictates who is the better cook or anything of the sort.  Jehovah's laws revolve around morality.  If her denying you are the best cook was detrimental to everyone else in the world then you might have an accurate analogy.

He also hasn't tortured anyone for not accepting his counsel.  If your daughter is out killing, raping, and plundering then certainly punishment is due, albeit not torture.

What you have done is made a Straw Man and then proceeded to make fun of it without any concern for the feelings of others.  In fact, you do it knowing people that will find it offensive will read it.

Not sure who mentioned Jehovah's laws. I am simply following Jehovah's example as described in his autobiography, the bible. In his autobiography his plan is to torture those of his children who do not give him the proper recognition. You seem to have some foreign misguided interpretation of Jehovah's autobiography (probably a demon's interpretation) that is not allowing you to see the absolute morality in following the example of our loving Heavenly Father.

What you have done is make a straw man introducing all sorts of things to the thread that I have not mentioned. Please address the thread or make your own thread addressing things that you want to address. Namely that you think following the example of Jehovah is immoral. As for me and my house we will follow the Lord.

[Seppuku]

For one, Jehovah never made a law that dictates who is the better cook or anything of the sort.  Jehovah's laws revolve around morality.  If her denying you are the best cook was detrimental to everyone else in the world then you might have an accurate analogy.

He also hasn't tortured anyone for not accepting his counsel.  If your daughter is out killing, raping, and plundering then certainly punishment is due, albeit not torture.

What you have done is made a Straw Man and then proceeded to make fun of it without any concern for the feelings of others.  In fact, you do it knowing people that will find it offensive will read it.

I suspect some would find it offensive, though there is an underlying point as far as I can see.

God leads a horrific example in the bible. Sure, he's not judging people for not thinking he's the best cook, but lets look at God's judgment's in the bible.
-Gays are an abomination and should be put to death
-You should not lets witch live
-Variations of 'kill the non-believers', from teachings to actively doing it. We're not talking about rapists and murderers, but simply folks who worship others Gods. I don't think I've yet seen a teaching specific to atheism though. I think this is more along the line of what The Gawd is referring to. People who worship other Gods (or think they're a better cook). I will provide some more direct example below.
-Rapists shall pay to marry their victims and shall never divorce. Not taking into account the will or wellbeing of the victim.
-A person who is raped but does not scream is to be stoned to death (because it assumes because they did no scream, then it's adultery or pre-marital sex)
-Stone those who are not virgins on their wedding night
-Heck, I am pretty sure I saw one about killing those who work on the Sabbath.
-God has caused immense pain, suffering and death to test a man's faith to prove to Satan that his faith was real and not because God has blessed him. Coming up with the statement, "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh".

Yes, I am talking about the Old Testament, but if we are to believe the bible is accurate, regardless of whether you're somebody who believes the Old Testament is no longer relevant, it is all a part of God's past and it's a part of His profile.

Now for quotes.

Kil Those who don't listen to priests

Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death.  Such evil must be purged from Israel.

Kill Homosexuals

If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives."

(It's even more worrying knowing that some people like using this one on their bumper sticker)

Kill Fortunetellers

A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death.

Kill those who strike their parents

Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death

Kill Adulterers

If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death. 

Doom for Those who sacrifice to a god other than the god of the bible (like how this one isn't condemning sacrifice, just it doesn't like it when it's another god)

Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord alone, shall be doomed. 

Example of where non-believers were killed for simple being non-believers.

They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 

Kill false prophets

If a man still prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, "You shall not live, because you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord."  When he prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through. 

Destroy a whole town for worshipping another god

Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods.  In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully.  If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock.  Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it.  Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God.  That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt.  Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction.  Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you.  He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors.  "The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him." 

Murdering children for insulting a prophet

From there Elisha went up to Bethel.  While he was on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him.  "Go up baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!"  The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord.  Then two shebears came out of the woods and tore forty two of the children to pieces.

There's plenty more to go. To be honest, what we see of extremist Muslims in the world today is pretty much found in the bible, just the parts people choose to ignore. I am happy for people to ignore them, because what I've read in the bible is shocking as far as I am concerned.

However, there are people who still believe in it, they either try to make excuses or in extreme cases agree with it, but follow the argument that it's how things used to be. 

In my chosen teachings I've gone for people who aren't rapists or murderers of even going to hurt people in society. The worst thing anybody's doing as far as I am concerned is calling a prophet 'baldy'.

I'm not sure what's more offensive, the God He's mocking or the fact he's mocking. For me, it's the god and not The Gawd. Of course to my mind, the most honest thing a believer could say, is "I believe those things are wrong, yet I don't believe it is how God is", meaning they have to accept that the bible was written by man and is therefore inaccurate, however, many out there aren't willing to do that and end up find excuses for the parts they don't agree with and attempting to put them into a different light because they're some how taken out of context.

[Brakeman]

I certainly have no ability to enforce morals but I am equipped to determine morality.  If you don't know right from wrong then you should learn.

You can't "learn" morals, if you'd read your god manual, you'd see that god used his magic apple spell to give all mankind the power to know right from wrong, and the power he gave us was equal to his own.

So when a mentally disabled child commits a sin, you shouldn't have any mercy for him, because god says that he knows better, so grab a rod and don't spoil the child.

[Jstwebbrowsing]

Not sure who mentioned Jehovah's laws. I am simply following Jehovah's example as described in his autobiography, the bible.

Using that same reasoning do you allow chidren to do everything adults do?  Why should you be able to do everything God can do?

Seppuku

I need clarification.  Is it the laws you disagree with or the punishment for breaking them?

There's plenty more to go. To be honest, what we see of extremist Muslims in the world today is pretty much found in the bible, just the parts people choose to ignore. I am happy for people to ignore them, because what I've read in the bible is shocking as far as I am concerned.

Where in the Bible have you been told to observe all those laws?

The worst thing anybody's doing as far as I am concerned is calling a prophet 'baldy'.

Were you there?  How can you make an educated judement?  Do you even know how old the boys were?  Most translations do not say "small boys".  They say "young lads". And in Jewish tradition boys were not considered men until they were 30.  This is the reason Jesus himself was not baptized until he was 30.

Furthermore, it says, "And he looked behind him and saw them, and cursed them in the name of Jehovah. And there came forth two she-bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two lads of them"

It's doesn't say 42 of them were killed.  Also it doesn't say that every lad present was mauled.  There was more then 42.  That was a considerably large and dangerous group.

And why were all these lads grouped together doing such things considering by law they should be home helping support their families?  The Old Testament deals very harshly with rebellious and lazy children who will not work or listen to their parents.  It’s entirely possible that they were a gang that survived on their own, probably by robbing others of their lives and property.

Furthermore baldness in the Bible is a sign that someone is mourning, usually over the loss of someone close to them.  In fact he was mourning the death of Elijah.  So his actual physical baldness is not what they were making fun of.  They were making fun of the death of Elijah.

And finally, what did they mean by saying "Go on up, baldy. Go on up."  When they said “Go on up”, this was a sarcastic reference to Elisha's ascension, a suggestion that the event is doubted and that it is a charge that Elisha actually murdered his master and that his mourning was a sham.

An evil gang is what they were.

[Jstwebbrowsing]

I certainly have no ability to enforce morals but I am equipped to determine morality.  If you don't know right from wrong then you should learn.

You can't "learn" morals, if you'd read your god manual, you'd see that god used his magic apple spell to give all mankind the power to know right from wrong, and the power he gave us was equal to his own.

So when a mentally disabled child commits a sin, you shouldn't have any mercy for him, because god says that he knows better, so grab a rod and don't spoil the child.

God has had mercy on our mental retardation.  And no magical fruit allowed them to accurately distinguish from good and evil.  They just gained knowledge of good and evil.  Man still can't agree on what's good and evil.  Why?  Because they were not created to do so.