10 things god wants you to remember
Yeah? I guaran-damn-tee that if a god actually said
these things, or any other ten (or however many) things in the classic Big Boomin' Voice (instead of leaving it to some faceless mook on Facebook)--that people would fuckin' remember
I will give you rest.
Not sure what this one's supposed to mean. Like, a good mattress? Or will he go to work for you once in awhile so you can have a day off to relax?
I will strengthen you.
"Strength" is a pretty obvious physical quantity. From this we should expect that Christian athletes and laborers would have obvious advantages over their unbelieving and other-believing competitors. Or at the very least, that Christians would have a noticeably greater degree of intestinal fortitude than ordinary mortals, like, say, Gandhi.
I will answer you.
Oh, this one ought to be pants-shittingly awesome! Just think
about having the ability to ask a question to a perfectly honest, infallible, omniscient
intelligence--and actually get an answer
?! Even if you only get one question a day, you could be a fucking superhero
I believe in you.
Hope ya don't mind if I don't return the favor...
I will bless you.
Dunno exactly what this means. +2 to hit? Double damage against Undead?
I am for you.
Another one that's pretty vague. On the plus side: it's also pretty open-ended, so Christians ought to get at least one full level in Badass out of this.
I will not fail you.
Make that, like, ten
I will provide for you.
SCHWEEEEEEET! *sings* Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work! I wanna bang on a drum all daaay!
I will be with you.
'no evidence for God?!' He's right here! CHECKMATE, atheists!"
I love you.
D'awwwww, isn't that sweet? If he loves me at least as much as an actual person, I ought to be able to get a hug out of him once in awhile, right?
'Course, you go an' try to take something like this seriously
, the Christian will start backpedaling like nobody's business and frantically explaining with a magnificent
array of theological loop-o-planes why none of these things will ever have any actual, you know, effects
. Classic Lucy's Football:
"Here! Look at all these wonderful things
God will do!"
"Brilliant! Let's check this shit out!"
"Wait, you don't actually expect--" *YOINK!* "--oh, no, God doesn't actually do
stuff! Free will! And he's not, like, a genie or anything!"
"Oh. Actually, he's just like
a genie: non-existent."