Time for a little reversal...

[One Above All]

Since we're short on theists at the moment (as usual), I'm going to argue as a theist in this thread. Since this is the chatter section, some answers may be in jest, rather than serious replies.
Feel free to ask me anything and everything.

[jetson]

Does YHWH have a penis?

[Jag]

Can you PLEASE tell me, definitively and finally, what makes a "True Christian"? Every time I think I have it figured out, another christian comes along and tells me I'm wrong. Again. I'd really appreciate a reliable gauge by which to measure how true a christian someone actually is.

Thanks much!

[Jag]

One more, if you have the time...

Why was it (apparently) acceptable for Lot to offer his daughters up for gang-rape in place of two angels? I've always been a bit confused about that. Considering all the stories about angels raining fire, wreaking havoc, and generally mucking about, I would have expected them to deal with the situation long before Lot suggested that the townspeople violate his virgin daughters.

Seriously, what the heck was that about? I mean, I understand that the god of the OT was a bad-tempered egotistical adolescent, but this whole story seemed a bit harsh, don'cha think?

And the pillar of salt thing, just for looking over your shoulder? Sounds a bit extreme to me.

Do you think god even feels bad about his over-reactions?

[One Above All]

Does YHWH have a penis?

Of course. We were made in his image, after all. However, he does not have a vagina, as only man was made in his image.

Can you PLEASE tell me, definitively and finally, what makes a "True Christian"? Every time I think I have it figured out, another christian comes along and tells me I'm wrong. Again. I'd really appreciate a reliable gauge by which to measure how true a christian someone actually is.

Thanks much!

A True Christian^TM is anyone who does not make other christians look like crazy fundies. It's anyone who keeps up with society's ever-changing facets and changes with them, whilst claiming that the Bible said those things all along.

Why was it (apparently) acceptable for Lot to offer his daughters up for gang-rape in place of two angels? I've always been a bit confused about that. Considering all the stories about angels raining fire, wreaking havoc, and generally mucking about, I would have expected them to deal with the situation long before Lot suggested that the townspeople violate his virgin daughters.

Seriously, what the heck was that about? I mean, I understand that the god of the OT was a bad-tempered egotistical adolescent, but this whole story seemed a bit harsh, don'cha think?

It was a different time. Different rules applied.

And the pillar of salt thing, just for looking over your shoulder? Sounds a bit extreme to me.

See above.

Do you think god even feels bad about his over-reactions?

YHWH does not overreact, for YHWH is perfect.

[Skinz]

One above All, then surely we are perfect, and original sin is part of our perfection... Which makes God a massive hypocrite, no? Though I suppose most public figures are...

[One Above All]

One above All, then surely we are perfect, and original sin is part of our perfection... Which makes God a massive hypocrite, no? Though I suppose most public figures are...

Original sin was due to free will. It wasn't part of Adam and Eve until Eve decided to eat the apple and gave it to Adam.

[Morgan]

What would happen if Jesus, Moses and Allah got in a rock-off while suspended in a cage over an active volcano with a T-rex watching? Also, who does the T-rex ask for autographs at the end, regardless of the outcome?

Alternatively, could God make a chili so spicy even he couldn't eat it?

[One Above All]

What would happen if Jesus, Moses and Allah got in a rock-off while suspended in a cage over an active volcano with a T-rex watching?

Jesus would kick everyone's ass, while the T-rex commented on the fight.

Also, who does the T-rex ask for autographs at the end, regardless of the outcome?

Definitely not Moses, since he forgot the dinosaurs while he was building the ark. Jesus never got over their loss.

Alternatively, could God make a chili so spicy even he couldn't eat it?

Easily. And then he'd eat it.

[Spit]

When will that mighty fucking trumpet sound? 

[kaziglu bey]

If the smell of burning flesh is pleasing to the Lord, why does he hate pigs so much? What roasted flesh smells better than bacon? Why would God create such an intelligent, versatile, resourceful, clever, and delicious animal such as the pig, and relegate it to a third class creature?

Also, where do I "find" Jesus? Is he in the same place as Bigfoot, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy? Is he underneath the car seat?

Can you show me on a star chart where Heaven is located? What about the Dagobah system?

What church do I need to give money to in order to get super duper savior Jesus powers?

These are actually the kinds of questions I would hope theists would be able to answer. They never can. Have fun with it!

[keeta]

if you had the choice between rockin out with you on bass, jesus on guitar, marry on drums for one set, and for arguements sake, we'll assume you're good enough to keep up with jesus and mary, OR have the hands down, best, mind blowing sexual experience of your life, hours upon hours of pleasure..and for arguements sake, we'll assume you can last hours and hours...which do you choose?

also...no chit chat answer all my questions time with jesus...you're there to rock, that's it..also, james brown's on vocals..i know he's not a biblical figure, but the man can blow.

[Graybeard]

You’ll be aware of Euler product formula as a derivative of the Riemann zeta function and that the asymptotic probability that s numbers are coprime is given by a product over all primes, as expressed by

But this is not formalised. What part of the Bible should I be looking in for a solid proof?

[keeta]

show off.

[One Above All]

When will that mighty fucking trumpet sound? 

Which one?

If the smell of burning flesh is pleasing to the Lord, why does he hate pigs so much? What roasted flesh smells better than bacon? Why would God create such an intelligent, versatile, resourceful, clever, and delicious animal such as the pig, and relegate it to a third class creature?

Because eating pig is unhealthy.

Also, where do I "find" Jesus? Is he in the same place as Bigfoot, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy? Is he underneath the car seat?

He's hiding behind the couch.

Can you show me on a star chart where Heaven is located? What about the Dagobah system?

Heaven is outside the visible universe, which makes it impossible to determine its exact location. As for the Dagobah system, it's in the Andromeda galaxy, which will "soon" collide with our own. If you live that long, you might be able to see Dagobah yourself.

What church do I need to give money to in order to get super duper savior Jesus powers?

This is a very common question, and it comes up often during church. The answer is simple: no known church can give its followers "super duper savior Jesus powers".

if you had the choice between rockin out with you on bass, jesus on guitar, marry on drums for one set, and for arguements sake, we'll assume you're good enough to keep up with jesus and mary, OR have the hands down, best, mind blowing sexual experience of your life, hours upon hours of pleasure..and for arguements sake, we'll assume you can last hours and hours...which do you choose?

Depends. Is the sexual experience meaningful or just meaningless sex? If the former, then I'd prefer it. If the latter, I'd rather be "rockin out" with Jesus and Mary.

You’ll be aware of Euler product formula as a derivative of the Riemann zeta function and that the asymptotic probability that s numbers are coprime is given by a product over all primes, as expressed by

I have no idea what that is.

But this is not formalised. What part of the Bible should I be looking in for a solid proof?

The Bible is mostly about morality. There are very few bits related to actual knowledge.

[12 Monkeys]

All  things are in place for the return of Jesus,the Jews hold the holy land and the Christians are propping them up while they await the end times

 When will the end times start,bringing the end to Satan's reign and the return of Jesus?

[One Above All]

All  things are in place for the return of Jesus,the Jews hold the holy land and the Christians are propping them up while they await the end times

 When will the end times start,bringing the end to Satan's reign and the return of Jesus?

Good question. However, YHWH hasn't seen fit to reveal that to anyone, but rest assured it's soon.

[Graybeard]

The Bible is mostly about morality. There are very few bits related to actual knowledge.

Whose morality?
God's?
Man's?
God's version for mankind?

[One Above All]

Whose morality?
God's?
Man's?
God's version for mankind?

YHWH's version for mankind.

[keeta]

happy new year one  maybe it's cause i'm tipppsaay, but what's yhwh stand for again??

[One Above All]

happy new year one  maybe it's cause i'm tipppsaay, but what's yhwh stand for again??

From what I understand it's what most people refer to as Yahweh. In the original language it was written in (I don't remember its name), it translates as YHWH. People just added vowels afterward.

[keeta]

no wonder you're the professor...i am just a mear grasshopper..

[bgb]

Why does god spelled backward become dog?

[One Above All]

Why does god spelled backward become dog?

Why does "live" spelled backwards become "evil"?

[Graybeard]

Whose morality?
God's?
Man's?
God's version for mankind?

YHWH's version for mankind.

Is this any different from God's own morality?

[One Above All]

Is this any different from God's own morality?

Of course. Different circumstances.
EDIT: 7777th post!

[keeta]

why is stressed spelled backwards desserts??

[Graybeard]

Is this any different from God's own morality?

Of course. Different circumstances.

So we know God's morality differs from ours - How do we know this?

[12 Monkeys]

Is this any different from God's own morality?

Of course. Different circumstances.

So we know God's morality differs from ours - How do we know this?

the golden rule? ...those with the gold make the rules,,,,but don't have to follow them