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Offline none

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from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« on: December 15, 2012, 03:20:14 AM »
I hate this shit... so I reply..

Quote
10 things god wants you to remember
I will give you rest.
I will strengthen you.
I will answer you.
I believe in you.
I will bless you.
I am for you.
I will not fail you.
I will provide for you.
I will be with you.
I love you.
#11 Defend the Bible...
any other one liners that could be added?

Offline Nick

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Re: from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2012, 03:28:14 AM »
12. but you are on your own.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Eaten by Bears

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Re: from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2012, 07:11:10 AM »
13. I will kill you if you upset me.

Offline screwtape

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Re: from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2012, 08:38:52 AM »
14.  I am a jealous god.  My name is Jealous. (Ex 34:14)
15. I will punish the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation (Ex20:5)
16. I will kill everyone except 144,000 virgin jewish men when I come back (Rev7:4)
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Offline Leviathan

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« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2013, 05:49:35 PM »
16. I will kill everyone except 144,000 virgin jewish men when I come back (Rev7:4)

Looks like the american christains are f**ked!!!

Offline screwtape

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Re: from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2013, 10:21:37 AM »
Looks like the american christains are f**ked!!!

yes.  But not just because of that.
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Offline ParkingPlaces

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« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2013, 11:59:07 AM »
17: God loves you, but i don't have to
Not everyone is entitled to their opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline CutePuppy

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Re: from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2013, 12:11:01 PM »
God believes in you...

That is so sweet. Also utterly pointless considering, if the whole god thing is true, that he created you and already knows everything about your past, present and future.

What's the point of believing in something when you already know with 100% certainty what's going to happen every second of this person's life? Especially because you were the one who created them to do all these things in the first place?

Offline Quest_4_Absolute_Verity

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« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2013, 02:16:14 PM »
18. I killed myself for you, what will you do for me?
19. I will appear on toast for the rational logical atheist that requires proof!

Offline Nam

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Re: from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2013, 02:38:11 PM »
Why toast? How about a pancake. I like pancakes.

-Nam
This is my signature "Nam", don't I have nice typing skills?

Offline kcrady

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« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2013, 03:50:20 AM »
20: I will...uh...actually...not do anything at all that distinguishes my alleged existence from my non-existence.  But you should totally put your life in my hands.
"The question of whether atheists are, you know, right, typically gets sidestepped in favor of what is apparently the much more compelling question of whether atheists are jerks."

--Greta Christina

Offline kcrady

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Re: from https://www.facebook.com/KnowingJesusTogether
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2013, 04:15:15 AM »
10 things god wants you to remember

Yeah?  I guaran-damn-tee that if a god actually said these things, or any other ten (or however many) things in the classic Big Boomin' Voice (instead of leaving it to some faceless mook on Facebook)--that people would fuckin' remember.

I will give you rest.

Not sure what this one's supposed to mean.  Like, a good mattress?  Or will he go to work for you once in awhile so you can have a day off to relax?

I will strengthen you.

"Strength" is a pretty obvious physical quantity.  From this we should expect that Christian athletes and laborers would have obvious advantages over their unbelieving and other-believing competitors.  Or at the very least, that Christians would have a noticeably greater degree of intestinal fortitude than ordinary mortals, like, say, Gandhi.

I will answer you.

Oh, this one ought to be pants-shittingly awesome!  Just think about having the ability to ask a question to a perfectly honest, infallible, omniscient intelligence--and actually get an answer?!  Even if you only get one question a day, you could be a fucking superhero

I believe in you.

Hope ya don't mind if I don't return the favor...

I will bless you.

Dunno exactly what this means.  +2 to hit?  Double damage against Undead?

I am for you.

Another one that's pretty vague.  On the plus side: it's also pretty open-ended, so Christians ought to get at least one full level in Badass out of this.

I will not fail you.

Make that, like, ten levels.

I will provide for you.

SCHWEEEEEEET!  *sings*  Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii don't wanna work!  I wanna bang on a drum all daaay!

I will be with you.

"Whaddaya mean 'no evidence for God?!'  He's right here!  CHECKMATE, atheists!"

I love you.

D'awwwww, isn't that sweet?  If he loves me at least as much as an actual person, I ought to be able to get a hug out of him once in awhile, right?

'Course, you go an' try to take something like this seriously, the Christian will start backpedaling like nobody's business and frantically explaining with a magnificent array of theological loop-o-planes why none of these things will ever have any actual, you know, effects.  Classic Lucy's Football: 

"Here!  Look at all these wonderful things God will do!" 
"Brilliant!  Let's check this shit out!" 
"Wait, you don't actually expect--" *YOINK!* "--oh, no, God doesn't actually do stuff!  Free will!  And he's not, like, a genie or anything!" 
"Oh.  Actually, he's just like a genie: non-existent."
"The question of whether atheists are, you know, right, typically gets sidestepped in favor of what is apparently the much more compelling question of whether atheists are jerks."

--Greta Christina

Offline penfold

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« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2013, 08:50:22 AM »
10 things God hopes you won't remember:

i) I will cause the occasional earthquake, flood and plague.

ii) I will give you bodies which have a one in three chance of developing cancer.

iii) I will reveal myself in many different ways to many different cultures and let you fight about it.

iv) I will make a massive universe and confine you to one small ball of rock.

v) I will institute the second law of thermodynamics to ensure the inevitable end of all structures.

vi) I will leave absolutely no evidence of my existence and punish you for failing to believe.

vii) I will consign the majority of you to eternal suffering.

viii) I will be especially loved by the illiterate and desperate.

ix) I will offer false hope.

x) I will be an excuse for the mad and the bad.
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away." - P.K.D.