Author Topic: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!  (Read 962 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Brakeman

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1242
  • Darwins +47/-3
  • Gender: Male
The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« on: October 08, 2012, 06:07:33 AM »
I love this article..

Jesus will search your kidneys

    I [Jesus] am he which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts. Revelation 2:23

Yes, it's true. Jesus is going to search through your kidneys. And if he doesn't like what he finds there, he's going to send you to hell.

You see, according to the Bible, your conscience is in your kidneys (called "reins" in the King James Version). So by inspecting them, Jesus can tell if you've been naughty or nice.

Here are some other verses that give a God's eye view of kidneys.

    Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins. Psalm 7:9

    I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. Pslam 16:7

    Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. Psalm 26:2

    Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins. Psalm 73:21

    Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when thy lips speak right things. Proverbs 23:16

    But, O LORD of hosts, that judgest righteously, that triest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 11:20

    I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:10

    But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, and seest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 20:12


http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2006/11/jesus-will-search-your-kidneys.html

So pump up your soul by drinking Lots of water and beer and empty your bladder. Then ye shall know the true meaning of relief.
Help find the cure for FUNDAMENTIA !

Offline Bereft_of_Faith

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 907
  • Darwins +39/-2
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2012, 06:33:05 AM »
Great find.

Soul in the kidneys?  Now god's just taking the piss. 

Seriously though, that's the last place I would have looked! 

You don't accept the truth of this?  Urine for a one-way ticket to hell

Add renal failure to the long list of bible fails.

Thanks, and remember to tip the wait staff

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 10294
  • Darwins +177/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2012, 08:03:04 AM »
A lot of people have had kidney transplants.  Does that mean they lost their soul and if so now have somebody else's soul.  Jesus is going to be confused and I might go to hell because of something someone else did.  I guess we are going to have to start doing kidney exorcisms before transplant. :?
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline rev45

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1202
  • Darwins +37/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • Did your parents raise you to be an idiot?
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2012, 09:06:49 AM »
How much does a healthy kidney/soul container go for these days?  Money has been tight lately and I may need to sell my soul to the devil.
Here read a book.  It's free.
http://www.literatureproject.com/

Could a being create the fifty billion galaxies, each with two hundred billion stars, then rejoice in the smell of burning goat flesh?   Ron Patterson

Online jynnan tonnix

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1728
  • Darwins +81/-1
  • Gender: Female
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2012, 10:22:09 AM »
Seems as though if you donated one kidney, you would split your soul in two...Kidney's a Horcrux now! Would you continue to experience life on an eathly plane if one of the bodies died while the other continued on?

Online ParkingPlaces

  • Professor
  • ********
  • Posts: 6125
  • Darwins +689/-3
  • Gender: Male
  • Hide and Seek World Champion since 1958!
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2012, 11:14:17 AM »
We need to be careful about spreading information like this. Some christian will read it and create yet another church. One that baptizes a little differently. Ick.
Not everyone is entitled to their opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline Graybeard

  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 6443
  • Darwins +463/-16
  • Gender: Male
  • Is this going somewhere?
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2012, 11:46:23 AM »
    I [Jesus] am he which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts. Revelation 2:23

Yes, it's true. Jesus is going to search through your kidneys. And if he doesn't like what he finds there, he's going to send you to hell.
I love it! I never saw steak and kidney pie as soul food. And what about Devilled kidneys?!
« Last Edit: October 08, 2012, 12:33:25 PM by Graybeard »
RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Ambrose Bierce

Offline shnozzola

Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2012, 04:31:00 PM »
Wait a minute - kidney stones, dianetics, dialysis - everything suddenly became unclear.
“I wanna go ice fishing on Europa, and see if something swims up to the camera lens and licks it.”- Neil deGrasse Tyson

Offline Garja

  • Postgraduate
  • *****
  • Posts: 759
  • Darwins +38/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • WWGHA Member
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2012, 05:19:35 PM »
So, if my Dad had a cancerous kidney removed (he did) did he lose his soul, or half, or did it just magically jesus-transfer to the other kidney?
"If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution."

-Benjamin Franklin

Offline Brakeman

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1242
  • Darwins +47/-3
  • Gender: Male
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2012, 06:20:32 PM »
So, if my Dad had a cancerous kidney removed (he did) did he lose his soul, or half, or did it just magically jesus-transfer to the other kidney?

Jesus loves your dad but, I'm sorry to say, he's already sent that part of his soul to hell. I suggest you put your ear to his belly to hear the screams of that tiny bit of soul-flesh.
Help find the cure for FUNDAMENTIA !

Offline Azdgari

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 12210
  • Darwins +267/-31
  • Gender: Male
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2012, 06:27:54 PM »
My Iranian ex-girlfriend told me that in Persian, the words for "soul" and "kidney" are phonetically the same.  I wonder if that's the root source of this nonsense?
The highest moral human authority is copied by our Gandhi neurons through observation.

Offline Nick

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 10294
  • Darwins +177/-8
  • Gender: Male
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2012, 06:32:12 PM »
I had to take a long "kidney" today.  Felt good. ;)
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Nam

  • Laureate
  • *********
  • Posts: 11680
  • Darwins +290/-80
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm on the road less traveled...
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2012, 11:31:42 PM »
NIV has Revelation 2:23 a bit different:

"...all churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds"

Even Psalm 16:7:

"...even at night my heart instructs me."

The same with all the other verses, it's all "hearts and mind".

Don't you love it when they omit The Word of God?

-Nam



This is my signature "Nam", don't I have nice typing skills?

Offline Brakeman

  • Reader
  • ******
  • Posts: 1242
  • Darwins +47/-3
  • Gender: Male
Re: The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2012, 05:29:41 AM »
Although it's in the vernacular, heart is just as ridiculous. It's just a blood pumping organ.
Help find the cure for FUNDAMENTIA !