The "soul" has been found! It's in the Kidneys!

[Brakeman]

I love this article..

Jesus will search your kidneys

    I [Jesus] am he which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts. Revelation 2:23

Yes, it's true. Jesus is going to search through your kidneys. And if he doesn't like what he finds there, he's going to send you to hell.

You see, according to the Bible, your conscience is in your kidneys (called "reins" in the King James Version). So by inspecting them, Jesus can tell if you've been naughty or nice.

Here are some other verses that give a God's eye view of kidneys.

    Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins. Psalm 7:9

    I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. Pslam 16:7

    Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. Psalm 26:2

    Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins. Psalm 73:21

    Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when thy lips speak right things. Proverbs 23:16

    But, O LORD of hosts, that judgest righteously, that triest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 11:20

    I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:10

    But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, and seest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 20:12

http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2006/11/jesus-will-search-your-kidneys.html

So pump up your soul by drinking Lots of water and beer and empty your bladder. Then ye shall know the true meaning of relief.

[Bereft_of_Faith]

Great find.

Soul in the kidneys?  Now god's just taking the piss. 

Seriously though, that's the last place I would have looked! 

You don't accept the truth of this?  Urine for a one-way ticket to hell

Add renal failure to the long list of bible fails.

Thanks, and remember to tip the wait staff

[Nick]

A lot of people have had kidney transplants.  Does that mean they lost their soul and if so now have somebody else's soul.  Jesus is going to be confused and I might go to hell because of something someone else did.  I guess we are going to have to start doing kidney exorcisms before transplant.

[rev45]

How much does a healthy kidney/soul container go for these days?  Money has been tight lately and I may need to sell my soul to the devil.

[jynnan tonnix]

Seems as though if you donated one kidney, you would split your soul in two...Kidney's a Horcrux now! Would you continue to experience life on an eathly plane if one of the bodies died while the other continued on?

[ParkingPlaces]

We need to be careful about spreading information like this. Some christian will read it and create yet another church. One that baptizes a little differently. Ick.

[Graybeard]

    I [Jesus] am he which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts. Revelation 2:23

Yes, it's true. Jesus is going to search through your kidneys. And if he doesn't like what he finds there, he's going to send you to hell.

I love it! I never saw steak and kidney pie as soul food. And what about Devilled kidneys?!

[shnozzola]

Wait a minute - kidney stones, dianetics, dialysis - everything suddenly became unclear.

[Garja]

So, if my Dad had a cancerous kidney removed (he did) did he lose his soul, or half, or did it just magically jesus-transfer to the other kidney?

[Brakeman]

So, if my Dad had a cancerous kidney removed (he did) did he lose his soul, or half, or did it just magically jesus-transfer to the other kidney?

Jesus loves your dad but, I'm sorry to say, he's already sent that part of his soul to hell. I suggest you put your ear to his belly to hear the screams of that tiny bit of soul-flesh.

[Azdgari]

My Iranian ex-girlfriend told me that in Persian, the words for "soul" and "kidney" are phonetically the same.  I wonder if that's the root source of this nonsense?

[Nick]

I had to take a long "kidney" today.  Felt good.

[Nam]

NIV has Revelation 2:23 a bit different:

"...all churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds"

Even Psalm 16:7:

"...even at night my heart instructs me."

The same with all the other verses, it's all "hearts and mind".

Don't you love it when they omit The Word of God?

-Nam

[Brakeman]

Although it's in the vernacular, heart is just as ridiculous. It's just a blood pumping organ.