So accidentally sort of came out on FB. version disappointed in friend

[Turbo SS]

So I made a comment on some random christian FB page that was pretty anti-religious.  I thought I had my activity feed set to private....I was wrong. 

So one friend that is a christian commented pretty strongly against what i said.  I replied to him with lots of information and evidence for what I was saying.  He later text saying ya you have a point. Sorry I didnt mean to sound like a jerk.  So I salvaged that relationship.  However, my friend (friend S) who hasnt been to church in 5+ years, never reads the bible, never mentions religious anything apparently got really offended.

I saw friend S at another friends house not knowing he read my facebook.  I noticed he was acting really weird and flat out ignored something I said to him not related.  I went home thinking whats wrong with him, is he mad at me for something?  I texted him the next day asking if he wanted to hang out.  No response. Well later that  day my other friend tells me that friend S texted him saying "Did you know Turbo SS hates the bible?!?!?  Is he an atheist?"  I never even said i hate the bible in my post.   

I am pretty disappointed in him.  I thought he really didnt care about religion.  My wife is chinese and an atheist and he knows that.  He has never had any issue socializing with her.  He is always very nice to her.  He is a really good friend that I have known for about 16 years.  Will bend over backwards to help you, very nice and fun to hang out with.  I guess I hit the wrong button somehow.   

So now I am thinking Great who else saw this post? hopefully no coworkers.  I don't want to get blacklisted at work.  Second, it makes me concerned if my believer friends find out what they will say?  Looks like if they find out, I might lose a slew of friends based on what friend S did.  But I have hope since my friend mentioned earlier retracted his statement after I gave him a logical conclusion.  I guess now I have to play the waiting game and see if I end up having trouble with friends and work.

Advice appreciated.  Not sure how to handle the situation with friend S. I guess I have to just let him go.  ya ya i know if he is mad about this he isn't a true friend and I should forget him.  Easier said than done.  I think if I had a chance to explain he might loosen up his opinion.

[Boots]

In situations like that, I tend to like to put my cards on the table, and invite (/force) the other person to do the same.  Use email/text if you must, but in person is preferable.  Something like "Hey--I heard through the grapevine you have an issue with something I posted on FB.  I guess that must be why I've been getting the silent treatment from ya.  I'd like to talk about it rather than dance around it--you game?"

I'd try not to let it go too long, because this dude will try to turn others against you (as evidenced by your anecdote).

[One Above All]

BM

[Kimberly]

Just an FYI... FB has that social feeder thing and people can see everything you "like" and comment on. I don't think you can turn that feature off. It's kinda ridiculous because you can't control what people see you doing on other pages or walls. Basically the user of the other page/wall controls who sees that data and FB thinks all your friends should see it. If this can be turned off I've not found it. (You can close the feeder and you can tell your facebook to stop spying on your friends.)

Good luck with your friend. Perhaps it just didn't sit well with them. I would give them a few days and try again to contact them later. Perhaps a week from the day they were offended. Sometimes people need time to calm down.

[screwtape]

Advice appreciated.  Not sure how to handle the situation with friend S. I guess I have to just let him go.  ya ya i know if he is mad about this he isn't a true friend and I should forget him.  Easier said than done.  I think if I had a chance to explain he might loosen up his opinion.

maybe.  I like Boots direct approach.  Or if that doesn't work, have a fistfight with him, maybe it will make it easier to let him go.

[Nick]

You could go around with a big red "A" on your shirt.  It sucks when people you have known forever turn on you for an imaginary friend they don't even think much about.  You can stand your ground now or hide away and hope it goes away.

[bertatberts]

If he were any kind of friend he would have confronted you with his problem, all he has given you is the silent treatment.  So tell him to f**k off and call him a childish  two faced c**t. And brake all ties he clearly isn't worth it.

[Energized]

Boots gave the best advice. If you do follow his advice, I'd like to hear the outcome.

E.

[jdawg70]

If you want to go the shady route, you could always just start posting a large number of disparate, contradictory, and nonsensical belief or worldview claims.  Do that for about a week and then declare the experiment over.  If you have enough of them, and if enough of them are sufficiently wacky, people will just automatically be skeptical of anything they hear regarding your beliefs or lack thereof, and will be less inclined to confront you about it.

That being said, I'd say that my above is pretty bad advice.  Go with Boots - that's pretty damn close to sage-level advice actually.  I don't imagine that it would be easy to do, but it is really the most direct and honest approach.

[MadBunny]

Unless you have some particular reason to keep it a secret just be yourself and if people can't deal with that there is an 'unfriend' or 'hide' button that they can use.

On my page I have lots of people, some pretty staunch 'anti-Obama people who post really offensive and stupid stuff, they see my Pro-Bama posts all the time and we ignore each others politics, but comment on personal stuff.  It is possible to disagree with somebody without hating them, is my point.

If your friends can't disagree with you without hating you, then they're not your friends.

[Garja]

Aye, start with Boot's suggestion... that doesn't work go with bertatberts'.

Only online activity I am slightly concerned about is YouTube, I could see someone looking at my channel and seeing practically nothing but Hitchens, Harris, Dawkins, and The Atheist Experience.  Well, and perhaps some Epic Meal Time. I do at least keep my online comments vague and non-committal... That said I should probably consider getting a YouTube account that isn't in my real name.

[Fiji]

You know how those who get most riled up by the mere mention of homosexuality often turn out to be gay themselves?
Maybe there some of the same going on here? Friend S has been having doubts about his religion and is affraid to admit it to himself. Your comment held a mirror in front of him he's not ready to look into.

As to how to proceed? I don't know, I'm a social moron, go with Boots' suggestion.

[kindred]

See, this is why I don't have a facebook account. The information you gleam from other people is not worth the information of yours that leaks out.

Knowledge is power, guard it well.

[MadBunny]

Trying to lead a dual life is too much work, one is hard enough.

[stuffin]

Basically I feel what several other posters have said.

I don't have a FB account. When I give personal info to someone it serves one of two purposes. 1- Info I like sharing with a close frien to get his/her input. 2- Give info to someone and see how far it goes and how much it changes before it gets back to me. Learn who I trust that way.

If this person couldn't confront you, he/she has a weak persona. You could try confronting them, I wouldn't apologize but just explain your stance and let them decide if they can accept you for who you are.

Fuc'em. Cut ties with them and only deal with them politely (nice weather) if the occasion arises.

[LoriPinkAngel]

Wow.  I guess my mom raised me wrong.  She forgot to teach me to hate everybody that didn't have the same beliefs, skin color, sexual orientation, political leanings.....  as I do.  And I'm originally from a punyass small town in Nebraska that has a motel that proudly displays the original canoe from Deliverance.  I should hate everybody.  I say if someone turns on you because of a label put on your belief system they were never that good of a friend in the first place.

[Turbo SS]

Thanks for the replies.  Still havent heard anything from him.  I like the idea of maybe waiting a week and trying to contact him again.  I am thinking this might be a better option because this friend is the most impulsive person i know.  He makes soooooo many decisions instantly and a few days later realizes it was dumb.  Very entertaining to watch from the sidelines sometimes.

[Illuminatus99]

I don't hide my atheism at all, so I haven't really had that problem. I would probably call him out on his own wall, "I'm interested in learning more about christianity, do I start out with dropping friends that have different beliefs? Or is that only for the most devout christians. I can't find anything in the bible where jesus says to do that, so if you could point out where you learned it from that would be great."

[Strawman]

Be yourself, if that causes you to lose friends then you never had them to begin with.

[Kimberly]

Any luck with this Turbo SS?

[Turbo SS]

nope.  Cant get a hold of him. 

On the upside I went to my first local atheist group meetup this weekend and met some people that seemed like really good people.