I'm the type to pray out loud in my car about something troubling me. I never felt that God was really listening to me or helping me through my problem, it was really more of a self-reflection of my own life, and me telling myself to take action and do something about it. I was searching for a god that would truly help me. But with so many gods, churches, leaders, I couldn't help but think how foolish I was to believe in it all. I only offered 10% to the church when I was younger because my family told me to. But now that I'm on my own, I only offer money to local radio stations and businesses.
Just yesterday, I stumbled across this site, read every reason to debunk what I've believed in for the past 25 years. It made it easier for me to just drop the chains and realize it's time to just live my life how I want to, and not rely on anyone else to get me there.
Now I feel free to live my life, and don't feel like there is some godly force hovering over me, threatening me with eternal damnation and hell for my actions.
Not to say I'm a bad person, but I am far from perfect.
I'm no longer afraid of Hell, and don't believe in Heaven. As much as I wish they were real, they're not.
I don't know what it's like to die, but I'm not afraid to.
If there is a god, he would have said something to me by now. Or answered a prayer. But the truth is, I am the one that's in control.
I just don't know how to break it to my family, my parents are conservative Christians and heavily involved in church, as is my sister and her husband who are also heavily involved at a different church. Currently it makes me sick to think about the fact that they are all believing what could very well be a lie. But they are free to believe whatever they want. My nephews are being brainwashed to believe in something that just isn't real, and I don't know what to do about it all.
Until then, I will celebrate my freedom by drinking a glass of wine and sit out in my front yard and just re-evaluate my life. Start over and press on.
Thanks for reading and taking me in.