Author Topic: I need a sign, ideas please!!  (Read 2779 times)

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Offline Not on the fence

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I need a sign, ideas please!!
« on: August 11, 2012, 01:43:29 AM »
Ok who else needs a sign for their doors to stop Mormons and JW's from bugging you?
Im getting quite tired of it, they walk a great distance to get up my driveway.
So if you were to put up a sign on your door what would it say??  Lets get creative people!!
("No solicitors", seems to be ignored by them.)
"With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil — that takes religion"
Steven Weinberg

Offline Astreja

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2012, 02:07:18 AM »
A first draft...

ATTENTION

This household has a zero-tolerance policy for door-to-door religious silliness of any denomination.
  • If you ring the bell on Saturday morning, you and your coterie will be traumatized by the sight of a sleepy, grumpy fiftysomething woman in a cat-themed nightgown too short to hide cellulite and varicose veins from your virgin eyes.
  • If you start talking about the book of Genesis, you will be asked to procure one (1) Talking Snake™ for the homeowner.
  • If you speak of the long-weekend "sacrifice" of Jesus, your host will inquire why you think it's a good thing to let an innocent man die in your place (even temporarily).
  • If you are from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, be prepared to drop your pants to reveal your Temple Garments.
  • If you are from the Watchtower Society, your gracious host will politely inquire if you have changed your policies to allow members to report child abuse to the appropriate authorities rather than to church elders.
  • Hellfire threats will be met with shrieks of hysterical laughter.
  • To all denominations:  If you brought minor children along on this fool's mission, those kids will be told to their faces that there is no real-world evidence for your particular god and that whoever says otherwise should be watched carefully for signs of psychopathy, kleptomania and cooties.
Have a nice day.  Somewhere else.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2012, 02:11:59 AM by Astreja »
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Online Bereft_of_Faith

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2012, 02:23:00 AM »
NOTICE: Shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them -kthnxby

Offline DumpsterFire

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2012, 03:10:53 AM »
A buddy of mine had a sign on his door that read:

No Soliciting,

Especially Jesus!


Not exactly super clever, but definitely to the point. I never inquired about its effectiveness.
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Offline magicmiles

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2012, 04:03:44 AM »
" Whilst I respect the principles of free speech and admire your eagerness to let others hear about something you genuinely believe to be good news, I would rather have this ugly sign on my door than take 30 seconds to poiltely tell you I am uninterested and have you politely thank me for my time and pleasantly wish me a good day "

Go on up you baldhead.

Offline Nick

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2012, 05:43:22 AM »
Beware of DOG.

Go to the door naked. ;)
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline pianodwarf

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2012, 06:41:27 AM »
I don't bother with anything like that, not anymore.  Whenever someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone, I simply refuse to answer it.  It's not a perfect solution, inasmuch as I still have to deal with the occasional nuisance of people knocking, but nothing else has worked for me.
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn

Offline Boots

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2012, 06:57:40 AM »
NO LOITERING
NO SOLICITING
NO SUPERSTITIONS
* Religion: institutionalized superstition, period.

"Many of my ultra-conservative Republican friends...have trouble accepting the idea God is not a Republican. " ~OldChurchGuy

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Offline jetson

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2012, 07:24:49 AM »
I don't bother with anything like that, not anymore.  Whenever someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone, I simply refuse to answer it.  It's not a perfect solution, inasmuch as I still have to deal with the occasional nuisance of people knocking, but nothing else has worked for me.

This is what we do as well.  Also, I have a camera on my front porch, so I can take a look before I bother getting up to answer.  But I do think the generic "No Soliciting" is an effective sign.  We used one for about 10 years in our previous home, and it did cut down on the majority of "visitors".

Religion at the door is probably not considered "soliciting" by those doing it, so it may require something a bit more up front:

"Selling Jesus?  No Thanks!"

Do Muslims and Hindu's do this door to door crap?

Offline jetson

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2012, 07:28:19 AM »
" Whilst I respect the principles of free speech and admire your eagerness to let others hear about something you genuinely believe to be good news, I would rather have this ugly sign on my door than take 30 seconds to poiltely tell you I am uninterested and have you politely thank me for my time and pleasantly wish me a good day "

Yes, because being polite to those who are rude enough to think you want them proselytizing at your home is the answer!  That's what Jesus would do, right?  Someone who offers me the courtesy of staying away from my home with their personal religious beliefs will get all the courtesy they deserve from me!

Offline deconvertedone

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2012, 10:17:22 AM »
Keep in mind that they thrive on persecution.
The memory of my own suffering has prevented me from ever shadowing one young soul with the superstition of the Christian religion.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Offline Kimberly

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2012, 10:48:02 AM »
This is the one we used when they were coming by non stop. It worked and the pizza guys always got a laugh out of it.
Thank you for considering my point of view; however wrong it may be to you.

Offline Kimberly

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2012, 10:52:13 AM »
I don't bother with anything like that, not anymore.  Whenever someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone, I simply refuse to answer it.  It's not a perfect solution, inasmuch as I still have to deal with the occasional nuisance of people knocking, but nothing else has worked for me.

Our neighbors and friends always looked as funny when we had the before mentioned sign on our door. I think it was the first time anyone realized I may not be religious at all. We left it up for about 4 years but we've recently taken it down and started doing what you do as well. Most people know not to come by unannounced but the occasional grandparents can't resist temptation.
Thank you for considering my point of view; however wrong it may be to you.

Offline magicmiles

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2012, 03:48:19 PM »
" Whilst I respect the principles of free speech and admire your eagerness to let others hear about something you genuinely believe to be good news, I would rather have this ugly sign on my door than take 30 seconds to poiltely tell you I am uninterested and have you politely thank me for my time and pleasantly wish me a good day "

Yes, because being polite to those who are rude enough to think you want them proselytizing at your home is the answer!  That's what Jesus would do, right?  Someone who offers me the courtesy of staying away from my home with their personal religious beliefs will get all the courtesy they deserve from me!

Being polite is usually a good idea, even if you are annoyed and think someone is being rude and presumptuous. And by defacing your door you're really just punishing yourself.

Having said that, I am a hypocrite of sorts because I sometimes yell nasty things to tele-marketers who call at dinner time. But I am slowly getting better.
Go on up you baldhead.

Offline Seppuku

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2012, 04:34:42 PM »

Being polite is usually a good idea, even if you are annoyed and think someone is being rude and presumptuous. And by defacing your door you're really just punishing yourself.

Having said that, I am a hypocrite of sorts because I sometimes yell nasty things to tele-marketers who call at dinner time. But I am slowly getting better.

Now I've got this picture in my head of magicmiles being like Henry Rollins dealing with a telemarketer.

But this is awesome:



I'm usually just polite then hang up. I know it's a shitty job and they're only in it because they need to make money, it is annoying, but getting angry at the guy isn't going to change that, it's just going to make a guy doing a shit job feel shit. Though I find some can be pretty impolite themselves.

JWs and Mormons, I find it's normally in the street they bother us, we've had them knock on the door, but we normally find they don't come back. We're perfectly polite about it. Though I did have to explain how I think it's a load of BS to a mormon, but he was really persistent and didn't take 'no' for an answer, I felt guilty because it knocked him off balance, but he pushed me for answers and I wasn't going to lie to him. I suspect their job can get shitty at times too.

I think you could create some quite witty signs. I'd probably have "No Proselytizing"  or "No Mormons, No Jehovah's Witnesses" because I am boring. For creativity, here's some ideas:

"Satan Lives at this Residence and Requires Human Sacrifices"
"Beware: Dog Bit a Jehovah's Witness once and decided he likes it"
"Free Blood Transfusions for Every Jehovah's Witness who Knocks"
"Warning: Chronic Masturbater With a Hard-on for Jesus "

I hope that'd prevent people from coming to your door to preach Jesus. Though I have been tempted to dress up in a suit with a blank book and go door to door to proselytize atheism. ;)
“It is difficult to understand the universe if you only study one planet” - Miyamoto Musashi
Warning: I occassionally forget to proofread my posts to spot typos or to spot poor editing.

Offline Garja

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #15 on: August 11, 2012, 06:44:44 PM »
I live on the side of a pretty damn steep hill... not many are willing to trek it.  Politicians will (had a sweaty congressman on my front porch a couple weeks ago!), but the religious haven't made very many efforts.
"If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution."

-Benjamin Franklin

Offline Nam

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2012, 07:33:29 PM »
Beware of DOG.

Go to the door naked. ;)

I did that once. I saw some converters at my door, took off all my clothes and answered the door. They never came back. Actually, no converters have come back since then. I guess they talk in the same circles.

-Nam
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #17 on: August 11, 2012, 08:18:48 PM »
I take a different approach to Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons when they come to my door. I ask them questions; the same sort of questions I ask religious believers here.

I’ve noticed they usually come to my door in pairs and one of them appears to be a trainee while the other more experienced doorknocker is there for moral support and backup. It is usually the trainee who opens the conversation. They often open with a question designed to play on people’s fears and anxieties so they can then offer God as a comfort. One made the mistake of opening with, “Have you noticed in the news all the violence and trouble in the world lately?” To which I replied, “Yes, and I’ve noticed that it is usually caused by religious believers killing each other over differences in their beliefs.” The look of fear that came over the trainee’s face was priceless. The look of righteous indignation on the mentor’s face was also entertaining. The mentor immediately took over the conversation.

When they mention God, I’ll ask them to give me a factual description of their God and I’ll keep pressing the point until they admit they have none.

When they refer to their Bible, I’ll ask them if we should follow what the Bible says and when they say “yes”, I’ll point out that the Bible says all homosexuals must be killed and ask them if we should follow that commandment. I’ll follow this by pointing out the Bible also commands death for adulterers, witches, blasphemers, those who work on the Sabbath, women who aren’t virgins when they marry, difficult children and anyone with religious beliefs different from their own. I’ll ask them why anyone should take the Bible as a moral guide. They’ll usually try to weasel out of this by replying they don’t follow the Old Testament any more or that Jesus changed all that. I’ll point out that the Ten Commandments are Old Testament and ask them if they follow those or I’ll point to Matthew 5:17-18 where Jesus says he has come to fulfil every jot and tittle of the Old Testament law until the end of the Earth.

When they try to justify their position by saying it’s what they believe, I’ll ask them what distinguishes their beliefs from imagination. I’ll ask them for sound evidence or sound arguments to support their beliefs.

At some point during the conversation, they will run away.

I noticed over time that their visits were fewer and farther between. I can’t remember when I was last visited by religious believers. It’s almost as though they keep a blacklist or word gets around that they shouldn’t expose trainees to that sort of questioning. It’s a pity really because I enjoyed the entertainment.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2012, 08:21:04 PM by 3sigma »

Offline Nam

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #18 on: August 11, 2012, 08:30:08 PM »
"I am a Naturalist. Which means: I do everything in the nude."

Now, if it was on the home of a Victoria's Secret model, that door would be knocked on constantly. But since the average person doesn't have such a body, I think most people would turn and walk away.

-Nam
« Last Edit: August 11, 2012, 08:32:17 PM by Nam »
This thread is about lab-grown dicks, not some mincy, old, British poof of an actor. 

Let's get back on topic, please.


Offline Graybeard

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2012, 04:07:18 AM »
Star Stuff does a series of daily quotes - almost any are good.

If you want a biblical one, simply write: "Titus 1:10-14" or, for the Mormons, "Deuteronomy 4:2" The second one will have the effect of implying that you are already committed to one sect and the Mormons won't bother you.
Nobody says “There are many things that we thought were natural processes, but now know that a god did them.”

Offline Star Stuff

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #20 on: August 13, 2012, 01:11:50 PM »









God is an Imaginary Friend for Grown-ups

Offline Samothec

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #21 on: August 13, 2012, 03:02:53 PM »
How's this:

If you are here to present your god to us, please be prepared to deliver. Meaning, your god will be required to heal any and all ailments of any and all persons in this home. Failure to do so means you must explain why your god is a failure and/or then listen as it is explained to you why your god is fictional and your belief is dangerous. Hope you soon have rational days free from your god delusion.
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline Not on the fence

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #22 on: August 13, 2012, 03:43:07 PM »
How's this:

If you are here to present your god to us, please be prepared to deliver. Meaning, your god will be required to heal any and all ailments of any and all persons in this home. Failure to do so means you must explain why your god is a failure and/or then listen as it is explained to you why your god is fictional and your belief is dangerous. Hope you soon have rational days free from your god delusion.
good one!!

Some really good ones all round here, I think the sign by Star Stuff is great, (the mormons, and JW one) I wouldnt want to turn away any candy now, lol!!
"With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil — that takes religion"
Steven Weinberg

Offline Garja

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #23 on: August 13, 2012, 03:44:37 PM »
Reading this makes me wonder if I have the balls to take on these guys when they come around.  I know it is probably a waste of time, but it would be kind of fun to debate one just to see how successful/unsuccessful it would be.  But Id honestly have to be really bored!
"If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution."

-Benjamin Franklin

Offline Star Stuff

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #24 on: August 13, 2012, 03:50:38 PM »
God is an Imaginary Friend for Grown-ups

Offline Samothec

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #25 on: August 14, 2012, 10:09:27 PM »
Not on the fence, thank you.


Reading this makes me wonder if I have the balls to take on these guys when they come around.  I know it is probably a waste of time, but it would be kind of fun to debate one just to see how successful/unsuccessful it would be.  But Id honestly have to be really bored!

If your computer is in or close to a room you could have the conversation in then just jump online to this or other useful sites for pointers and reference material.
Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding. - Martin Luther

Offline Karl

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #26 on: August 14, 2012, 11:31:54 PM »
I don't bother with anything like that, not anymore.  Whenever someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone, I simply refuse to answer it.  It's not a perfect solution, inasmuch as I still have to deal with the occasional nuisance of people knocking, but nothing else has worked for me.
Hi Piano, but there is still a world out there. I am considered to be strange by others. But then again, my biggest conflict is to deal with other people. But that is necessary. Being smart is not the road into isolation. Even stupidly the world still can be fun.

Offline pianodwarf

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Re: I need a sign, ideas please!!
« Reply #27 on: August 15, 2012, 07:38:20 AM »
I don't bother with anything like that, not anymore.  Whenever someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone, I simply refuse to answer it.  It's not a perfect solution, inasmuch as I still have to deal with the occasional nuisance of people knocking, but nothing else has worked for me.
Hi Piano, but there is still a world out there. I am considered to be strange by others. But then again, my biggest conflict is to deal with other people. But that is necessary. Being smart is not the road into isolation. Even stupidly the world still can be fun.

I'm not talking about the outside world, I'm talking about being at home.  When I'm at home, one of the reasons I'm at home is that I don't want to participate in the outside world at the time; I'm shutting it out, and I want it to leave me alone.  My home is the one place in the world where I should be able to do that, and when the outside world attempts to invade, I become intensely resentful.
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn