Author Topic: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?  (Read 465 times)

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Offline Foxy Freedom

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How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« on: March 12, 2014, 08:06:21 PM »
Creating a god in your own image tells other people about yourself.

In the bible Yahweh is jealous, angry, a murderer, etc

When he claims to be doing something nice, how nice is he?

Often Yahweh being nice just means he wont kill you yet.
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Offline SevenPatch

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2014, 08:13:20 PM »
There is the ever popular ultimatums.


This makes me think of the psych profiles done on Yahweh.  I would guess that Yahweh exhibits several psychological disorders which probably does say a lot about the authors of the Bible.

I wouldn't be surprised if it might be possible to draw psychological profiles on each of the many authors.
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Offline screwtape

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2014, 09:37:43 AM »
Often Yahweh being nice just means he wont kill you yet.

heh. Kind of like Cthulhu. Maybe they both sleep in R'lyeh?

As for yhwh's human foibles, I offer an old thread of mine on jealousy...
http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/forums/index.php/topic,10880.msg244449.html#msg244449

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Offline LoriPinkAngel

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2014, 10:12:24 AM »
narcissistic, psychopathic, bipolar, borderline...
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Offline Mrjason

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2014, 10:23:20 AM »
If you take into account that Yahweh was also jesus, I would say all of them.

Offline jdawg70

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2014, 10:27:57 AM »
Poor communication skills.
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Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2014, 11:06:44 AM »
Lori noted his narcissism. Combine that with his non-existence and it becomes real hard to be around him.  ;D

His agoraphobia is notable. But at least he doesn't suffer from separation anxiety.

And given how forgetful he is, I'm thinking Alzheimer's. And clearly he has developmental issues. Very childish. For instance, he was hung up on naming all the animals, but not the least bit interested in getting things right in the first place. Very immature for an infinite dude.

He certainly has attention disorders, but he isn't hyperactive, so we can rule out ADHD specifically. I'd call it ADNR (Attention Deficient, Not Real)

I've tried talking to him about this stuff, but he just won't listen.



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Offline jynnan tonnix

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2014, 10:59:36 AM »
Lori noted his narcissism. Combine that with his non-existence and it becomes real hard to be around him.  ;D

His agoraphobia is notable. But at least he doesn't suffer from separation anxiety.

And given how forgetful he is, I'm thinking Alzheimer's. And clearly he has developmental issues. Very childish. For instance, he was hung up on naming all the animals, but not the least bit interested in getting things right in the first place. Very immature for an infinite dude.

He certainly has attention disorders, but he isn't hyperactive, so we can rule out ADHD specifically. I'd call it ADNR (Attention Deficient, Not Real)

I've tried talking to him about this stuff, but he just won't listen.

Your mentioning Alzheimer's got me thinking...If there WAS some sort of superior being with Omni-powers as described in the Bible, would that necessarily mean he would never get old or die? I don't recall whether the Bible really addresses infinity. God was around before the Universe was created, and there are vague references to "forever", but that could just as well mean within god's lifespan. When we talk about forever, after all, we rarely mean infinitely, we more often mean within our lifetimes or even civilizations.

So, maybe this being created the Universe, and still had enough power a few billion years later for a few minor miracles back in Biblical days, but, by now is getting feeble, or has even faded away. Heck, if you use the Young Earth model, aside from his being a real douche for planting all those misleading fossils and such, it makes even more sense. Or at least as much as anything else in the Bible.

Seems to me that a being like this would take great glee in planting the Jesus meme (as well as, maybe, lots of competing ones) in the planet's consciousness as well, just to watch what happened next. He'd know that neither he nor we would actually be around forever, and quite possibly thing would start to spiral out of control a bit once he was no longer there but in the meantime it might make the game more fun if he made us think we had an eternity of bliss and/or torture ahead of us.

Offline Hatter23

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2014, 11:06:26 AM »
I would say he must have developed a severe case of social anxiety disorder somewhere around the time of the invention of the printing press. Because his contact with any human dropped off almost immediately at that time.
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Offline ButterFlavoredPam

Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2014, 09:11:36 PM »
GREAT question.  God is love, therefore, God=Love.

We know from the bible that . . .


1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

God is not patient.  He flies off the handle time and again when things don't immediately go the way he wants
God is not kind.  Check out Leviticus.
God is EXTREMELY envious (especially to other Gods)
God boasts about himself continuously
God is EXTREMELY proud of himself
Does not dishonor?  Does not dishonor?  What about the poor virgins of the people you capture?
God is EASILY angered
God keeps of record of EVERYONE'S wrongs

What the hell?

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Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2014, 09:26:18 PM »
How about his ironchariotophobia? Or was that just paranoia?

I would love to see him lying on a couch, telling Freud about his God complex.
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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #11 on: March 14, 2014, 09:47:22 PM »
YHWH has emotions. This, in itself, provides a multitude of weaknesses, from being easily manipulated to being petty and vindictive. He is not omnimax, despite what his followers would have you believe, as evidenced by his aversion to iron chariots, which ParkingPlaces mentioned.
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Offline Angus and Alexis

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2014, 10:04:47 PM »
How many?

All of them.
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Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2014, 10:08:22 PM »
If you take into account that Yahweh was also jesus, I would say all of them.

Yea, if that isn't a split personality, i don't know what is!
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Offline screwtape

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2014, 10:24:57 PM »
GREAT question.  God is love, therefore, God=Love.

We know from the bible that . . .
[snip]

What the hell?

Perhaps you just don't understand love?
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Offline 12 Monkeys

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #15 on: March 15, 2014, 08:44:56 PM »
GREAT question.  God is love, therefore, God=Love.

We know from the bible that . . .


1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

God is not patient.  He flies off the handle time and again when things don't immediately go the way he wants
God is not kind.  Check out Leviticus.
God is EXTREMELY envious (especially to other Gods)
God boasts about himself continuously
God is EXTREMELY proud of himself
Does not dishonor?  Does not dishonor?  What about the poor virgins of the people you capture?
God is EASILY angered
God keeps of record of EVERYONE'S wrongs

What the hell?
only a god with this many mental "qualities" could have such a terrible do as I say not as I do policy. You would expect if he would not want his subjects not to murder,rape,destroy that he would lead by example
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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #16 on: March 17, 2014, 02:22:59 PM »
Another weakness he has--and I am not even sure this qualifies as a human weakness, perhaps more a flatworm weakness--is an almost complete inability to adapt his strategies in response to failure.  Over and over again, he tries the same strategy even though it fails every single time: Smash It All, Start Over Again (SIASOA).

The Garden of Eden:

Instead of finding some way to restore the disrupted arrangement in Eden (presumably his original, optimized "Plan"), he throws the humans out and invents murder and torture (symbolized by the flaming sword used to block the way to Eden, an instrument capable of both depending on how it's used).  SIASOA.

The Antediluvian World:

To inaugurate the new arrangement, Yahweh established the concept of humans making "sacrifices" to him.  Being picky about the exact nature of the sacrifices causes the first murder--which, judging by Yahweh's actual behavior, pleased him.  He leaves the humans with two rules: 1) I like Blood Sacrifice; 2) If you kill a murderer, I'll avenge the murderer's death seven-fold.  About a thousand years later, he returns from vacation shocked--shocked, I tell you!--to find that the humans have created a violent society.  Not so violent that Noah and Co. had to huddle in a bunker with a bunch of guns, gold, and canned food mind you.  Rather, if the New Testament's Jesus is to be believed, the violent world was characterized by normalcy--people "eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage"--so that apocalyptic destruction came upon them as a surprise, rather than already being a fact of their daily lives.  In addition, Genesis 6 tells us that there were angels who preferred this world to Heaven.

Even so, this society was too violent for Yahweh's taste.  So, rather than show them a better way, he unleashes a vast, global cataclysm of...violence.  SIASOA.

From Noah to Babel:

In the wake of the Flood, Yahweh finally gets around to telling people that murder is bad, and rescinds his rule against killing murderers.  So far so good.  After a fairly concrete indiscretion by Noah, and a fairly vague one by his son, Noah curses--not the son, but his distant descendants, to be slaves forever.  A curse that requires violence to fulfill.  Instead of telling Noah, "STFU, have you learned nothing?!" Yahweh apparently goes along with it.  Yahweh himself has learned nothing.  The humans, OTOH, do: instead of scattering to form multiple rival societies with the likely result of warfare between them, they create a unified society of remarkable scientific and social achievement, so impressive that Yahweh himself says "Nothing they conceive of will be impossible for them."  And what they conceive, is a plan to build a tower to scale the heights of Heaven itself!  I'm not sure how this was supposed to work, but the point of the story is that if completed, it would have.

This scares the bejabbers out of Yahweh, and rather than communicate (remember, he never told anybody not to do any of this stuff), he destroys communication.  SIASOA, again.

The Hebrew Nation I:

As the Book of Genesis moves into its third act, Yahweh does adapt, a little: he gives up on world-scale/humanity-scale activity altogether, and becomes a genie character in the Abraham Family Soap Opera.  This actually seems to work out for him, for a few generations anyway.  The people he wants to breed, breed.  He doesn't make a lot of rules for them, and isn't really bothered when his pet humans make the same mistakes over and over again (Abraham: "She's my sister: no, really!").  At the end of Phase 1, Joseph is leading Yahweh's tribe into Egypt to escape a famine in the Promised Land of Milk and Honeytm.  Aside: Yahweh is a lousy real estate agent: Location, Location, Location! 

Egypt seems like a safe place to stash his pets for a few centuries, with one of his own as Vizier and friend of Pharaoh.  And so, Yahweh takes off on another one of his famous vacations (where does he go?).  Upon his return, things have gone bad: the Hebrew people are now slaves instead of a privileged class.  Worse still: his people have grown into a nation, and their main problem is another nation; Yahweh's best days as the Abraham family god are behind him.  He gets back into his destructive, tyrannical habits starting with the Exodus, and follows it with making up rules--lots, and lots of rules.

The people are naturally lousy at obeying scads of picky rules, especially when most of 'em can't read the manual and don't have copies (no printing presses in those days).  At one point, he makes Moses an offer: he'll SIASOA, with Moses himself as the new Abraham.  Moses talks Yahweh out of it by playing to his fragile ego: "If you do that, Lord, the Egyptians will totally laugh at you for wiping out the people you tried to save from them." (Exodus 32:9-14)

The Hebrew Nation II:

And so it came to pass (and not to stay) that Yahweh forged his everlasting (but not really) covenant with His Chosen Peopletm.  He tries a new tack: maybe letting people do all the big massacres (remember, Yahweh hates violence) will work better?  It doesn't.  Again and again, the people choose the apparently more appealing religions of their neighbors.  Again and again, Yahweh sends foreign invaders to oppress his people, then picks out a "Judge" to defeat the foreign invaders and start over again.  Each time the invaders are worse, and their domination lasts longer.

The Hebrew Nation III - Monarchy:

The people see that this isn't working, and grasp at a solution: "Give us a king, like the nations around us!"  Nations which have enjoyed stability and prosperity; in the Egyptian case, for thousands of years.  Yahweh is angry because they're rejecting him as King, but he can't think of a better idea.  His first pick, King Saul, is a failure, so he smashes that monarchy and tries again with David (SIASOA, again).  David, Yahweh's great archetypal monarch manages to cobble together a kingdom (though Yahweh comes dangerously close to wiping it out for no apparent reason other than a census he had Satan tempt David into collecting, and settles for exterminating 70,000 people), and even pass it down to his son Solomon.  There's a brief golden age, but again the people--and Solomon himself--are tempted by those ever-appealing foreign religions.  So once again, Yahweh tries SIASOA--he divides the monarchy, leaving it vulnerable to foreign threats, to which it ultimately succumbs.

Probably muttering angrily, Yahweh takes another vacation, and the Bible falls silent.

The New Covenant:

His "Everlasting" covenant a failure, Yahweh finally comes up with a new idea: he'll initiate his next SIASOA in the religious sphere, smashing his own Covenant and starting over with a new one, based around the death and resurrection of a divine man...modeled after the ancient world's agricultural fertility cults and Mystery religions.  The "Jesus thing" seems to have gone off more or less as planned, but the new Church he tried to found doesn't seem to last a week.  Jesus told his twelve disciples that they would sit on twelve thrones and judge the nations (apparently he hadn't made certain plans for Judas yet...).  For reasons left unsaid, this plan is quietly swept under the rug along with most of the Twelve themselves, as Yahweh picks a new guy to found his Church and write (well, sometimes in the form of forgery) more than half of his "New Testament:" Paul of Tarsus. 

Woohoo!  Vacation time!

The Final Act:

After promising to return Real Soon Now, Jesus disappears for two thousand years and counting.  However, his final Parthian shot, the last "inspired" book of the New Testament, Revelation, promises the SIASOA to end all SIASOA's.  Literally.  It's the same story.  Again.  The people turn away from Yahweh en masse to follow another religion.  By this point, Yahweh's imagination is so atrophied and his ego so all-encompassing that the "antichrist" he envisions is an exact clone of Yahweh himself: a harsh, brutal theocratic tyrant who wants to make everyone worship him and brutally massacres everyone who refuses.  Only, Yahweh promises to be more brutal still.  Did I mention lack of imagination?

The Book of Revelation promises that Jesus will exterminate the vast majority of the human population (but not such a high percentage as Yahweh managed with the Flood), after which all things will be created anew.  The Heavenly City will descend to Earth, Yahweh's dwelling-place will be with humankind, and the credits can roll to the soundtrack's joyous crescendo.  A SIASOA custom-made for Jerry Bruckheimer, with lots of explosions, giant multi-headed Godzilla monsters, and rivers of blood.  Followed by the everlasting torment of everyone who ever defied Yahweh.

Happily Ever After?

Do believers have any reason to suspect that Yahweh's SIASOA strategy, which has been an utter failure every other time it has been tried, will work this time?  Even in the Book of Revelation, people rebel against the direct personal rule of Jesus the moment they get the chance, and Yahweh must instigate a second SIASOA that includes destroying the entire universe and creating another one, in order to get to the happy ending.

There is good reason to think that Yahweh's new "Plan" is doomed from the start.  The original Heaven was populated only by devout angels, with no curse of "sin" to mar it, yet a full third of the population seceded as soon as they found a leader to articulate the vision.  This was followed soon after by a second mass defection of angels seeking to join human society on Earth (Genesis 6).  This was Heaven as Yahweh had originally founded it, as perfect as he could ever attempt to make it, without the screams of billions of the damned to echo in its pillared halls.  If Heaven could fall into civil war then, how much more likely is it to do so in Revelation's future, where many if not all of the humans who live there have loved ones among the damned?  How long would even the most devout believer be happy if Yahweh ceased to be the G to the S.P.A., and actually showed up to start bossing them around, monitoring their thoughts for the tiniest infraction?
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Offline Mrjason

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Re: How many human weaknesses does Yahweh have?
« Reply #17 on: March 18, 2014, 07:52:24 AM »
(where does he go?). 

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