@ OAA – I do believe that female sexuality is more complex than male sexuality on a number of levels. First of all, women (in general) are not aroused as quickly as men (in general.) The factors that lead to women’s arousal are more complex. A man may look at an arousing photo, get an erection, and be ready for intercourse. Now. Very few women can go from 0 to now in a few minutes.
Secondly, the female orgasm is much more complex than the male orgasm. Men get an erection, get stimulation, ejaculate, and that is the orgasm. For women, a sexual act does not necessarily result in orgasm. There are women who have regular sexual relations, give birth to multiple children, and never experience an orgasm. There are women who only have orgasms during manual or oral stimulation, (or with a vibrator) but not during intercourse. Male orgasms are necessary for procreation. Female orgasms are not.
@Gnu & OAA I presented the “sexual peak in the 30’s” as a theory, which has most certainly been the subject of dispute. The Kinsey Report was the first to state that women’s masturbation rate and orgasm rate increased in their 30’s. And I’m pretty sure the Hite Report cited the same thing, but it has been literally decades since I read it and a quick google on it offered up nothing of any interest.
And please understand that these two major behavioral studies, which are cited by everyone, were conducted decades before science had any understanding of the physical scope of the primary female sexual organ! In other words, there is so little that is really known about the complexities of female sexuality, that nearly all information is anecdotal. Those who study hormonal levels of men and women at different life stages claim the 30’s sexual peak is a myth. But as someone who talked with many, many women about sexuality over many years, and as someone who has lived through and passed my 30’s, I embrace the belief that women’s sexual peak is in the 30’s. I tried to find some “good, solid, rational evidence” to share, but honestly, all I found was silly stuff, arguing for and against the 30’s theory. Some sites say 28. Some say 40. Here is some random stuff that I found.
http://www.datingish.com/725818341/fact-or-myth-women-reach-sexual-prime-later/http://voices.yahoo.com/the-sexual-peak-woman-myth-fact-2175578.htmlhttp://www.lhj.com/relationships/marriage/sex/sexual-passages-from-the-20s-to-the-50s/?page=2I know that I have read arguments that there is perhaps an evolutionary basis for a late sexual peak for women. The premise is that as women who have given birth multiple times already (in caves and sandy deserts and by rainy riversides, with no epidurals), and who has probably seen a percentage of those children die already, might become increasingly hesitant to engage in sexual activity that could lead to subsequent pregnancies. And so women who have a trait that increases their sexual desire later in their fertile years will probably produce more children, who will subsequently reproduce.
There are all kinds of other random theories out there. Hypotheses, really. Many suggest that younger women are more sexually repressed, and therefore more comfortable with their sexuality later in life. I don’t really buy that one. Or that women in their 30’s are more likely to be in stable relationships, and therefore more sexually comfortable. Anecdotal evidence that I’ve collected personally does not support that premise. The theory (hypothesis) that I support the most goes back to the issue of the complexity of women’s sexuality. For most women, orgasms are not automatic. They are literally a learned skill, and one that improves with practice. And nogodsforme’s post would seem to support the idea of a steady increase in sexual enjoyment. But for me, it was a little different. I went from delightful little rippley orgasms, that I had enjoyed for years, and then, as if someone just turned on a switch, they transformed into these huge, long, amazing experiences that seemed to exist outside of time and space. And then, as if the switch just got turned off, my libido dropped.
And @ Kimberly, who posted while I was writing. First of all, I’m really sorry if my post, which was written about sex for sex, not sex for family, came off as offensive to you. That was so NOT my intention. I actually appreciate your blunt, honest tone. As someone who has never engaged in sex for the purposes of procreation, I really apologize for leaving out the original purpose of the act. The burning desire to have a child, for someone who really wants to have a child, that certainly overrides the dance and the art of sex for the sake of sex. And I know women who, when desperately wanting to become pregnant, described the act less eloquently than an ATM deposit. I don’t know if you went so far as to take your temperature or pee on a stick to determine ovulation, but I sure as hell can’t think of a less sexy overture to sex that must take place within a certain number of hours. There is nothing more wonderful than a wanted, loved child, and I love the fact that your youngest was conceived on a romantic valentines day encounter, rather than a dutiful attempt to conceive. Maybe some day you’ll tell her.
I have to say that I am awed by your maturity. I didn’t feel grown up enough to be a mom until I was pushing 40. You and I are wired very differently on a lot of levels. But fortunately, neither of us has any trouble verbalizing our opinions. And you’ll be a young empty nester, and I’ll be facing retirement and my daughter’s college education simultaneously. Now that you are done having kids, you might find that one day, a switch might just turn on for you, like it did for me. Or you might find a steady increase, like nogodsforme wrote about. And if you are 27 right now, I kind of really think the best sex in your life is still to come. Especially now that the pressure of having kids is over. Send me an email in 10 years, and let me know if I was dead wrong?
