Author Topic: You're Insane [#2652]  (Read 1114 times)

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Offline pianodwarf

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You're Insane [#2652]
« on: June 06, 2012, 05:21:07 PM »
Hey Idiot, you really are the water boy aren't you??? You are so dumb that God stopped existing the minute you were born. You're so stupid that all of the intelligence in the Universe got SUCKED into that black hole that's in your head, so God stopped existing as soon as you started using your black hole to think with. You're so dumb, you actually thought God existed once, but then you wanted to KILL HIM because you realized you had a good reason to hate your life, and if GOD MADE it so you had life -- you made it so that HE COULDN"T EVER have life, by stating with your all-powerful ability to be just like God, you said, 'Let there BE no Creator" and there was no creator, "AND THE GUY WHO ASKS ABOUT AMPUTEES BUT NEVER EVEN MET AN AMPUTEE OR TALKED TO ONE, SAW THAT IT WAS GOOD; and evening and morning were the fourth day, because the first three days God was working to create the guy who would destroy him on the fourth day, and then what follows is what book he wrote and passed out to those who would read the site of amputee sympathizing, for a guy with one testicle or who was very very likely over-circumcised.....

Ready????

"WHY HAS NOT THE FOR TO GOD MAKE MONEY FOR TO GROW ON TREES????"

Uh, why was not money for grow on threes? Why has not money grows on their trees?

Why doesn't the money for the tree grows?

Why??? WHy are not the money grow on thar trees????????????????


WHY NOT GOD MAKE MORE MONEY GROW FOR ON THE TO FOR THE TREESSSSS??????/


Does not the for money grow for the grow um, ON THE TREES???? ON THERE TREES???




You're an idiot. You're the biggest moron on the internet; I hope you get hate mail from every mentally challenged FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN on earth. The main reason I would wish for this on you, is because I actually know the answer to your "big important question" and broke a rib laughing so hard, actually, I think I broke a couple ribs from laughing so freaking hard -- at your mentally challenged ideas. YOU ARE SERIOUS though, which.... had you been joking, it wouldn't have been as funny. It's the fact that you... you're for real aren't you? You really think you've got it all figured out? You're ... mentally challenged? Missing a testicle? Have one arm? One leg?

Come on, tell me the truth, what is your deficiency? It CAN'T just be random. You put this whole thing together with an INTENT and a serious motive. I mean.... look at it from MY point of view, I'm an ordained minister who hates almost EVERY other minister and thinks almost 99.9% of Christians are stupid, and almost incapable of knowing anything useful about what they actually "think" they believe... and half of them believe in God because they're just scared of hell (which I have yet to tell the world in writing, is just a myth -- that HELLFIRE is not a real thing, and hell is as imaginary as unicorns)


But you already believe that much. You're just missing a few screws buddy. You're not very bright, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. In fact, you're really stupid, and I'm humble enough to admit that you're also really pathetic and blind and probably gay. I'm going to humble myself by saying you're extremely arrogant, and make myself a little bit more open-minded by admitting that you made a point, and it was a really, really bad point that actually, was meaningless and pathetic. I'll now finish off my writing by saying I will open my eyes to the idea that you're wrong, and keep my ears tuned in to the incredible sounds of tuning you out completely so I can once again hear the beauty of the laws of nature and nature's law --- which you failed to know, because you're likely gay, missing a testicle, had something go TERRIBLY TERRIBLY wrong when being circumcised and... oops, it's a girl.... sort of... well, now... but we can try to fix that later... for now... here's you mom's boob -- which you will always crave, even as a grown man -- especially as a grown man (as part of God's curse on you, He will make your brain half full of the capacity to be intelligent, and to learn and be full of the knowledge of God -- and the other half if you choose to do evil -- HE WILL FILL WITH THE DESIRE TO HAVE BOOBS in not just ONE but BOTH your hands, but you will be cursed to have one hand always preoccupied with your continual LUST for BOOBS and the other hand will be confused about what your other hand is doing -- unlike what you should be doing, which is... guess what?


NOT WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING!!!!!!!!!!!! TA-DA!!!! You're a moron. God exists whether you like it or not, and NO - HE HATES YOU, unlike what other's might say, "God loves you" -- but HE actually HATES YOU, did you know that? He is so full of HATRED for you, that HE WANTS YOU TO DIE???? Yep, he gave you an STD the day you were born, with a 100% mortality rate. You are GOING to die. That's all.

You should be asking God that question, the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK GOD, "WHY DO I HAVE TO DIE???????"

But you thought of a more original and "AWE-INSPIRING" shocking question, with OOOoooohhhhh, SHOCK VALUE! Aren't you special!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So let me see, why won't GOD heal war veterans, and combat veterans who fought and lost life and limb? Why not just ask, "WHY DON'T GOD BRING BACK THE DEAD???? HUH  HUH HUH????


Why don't GOD JUST BRINGS BACK THE DEADS????? Why NOT DOES GOD BRING DEADS BACK??? WHY NOT GODS MAKE GRANNY AND GRAMPS COME BACK FROM THEY GO BYE BYE??? HUH???


WHY DOES GOD NOT GIVE BACK MA' ARMS AND BRING BACKS THE DEAD WHILE HE IS AT ITS??? NO???

WHY NOT GOD SPEAK MY LANGUAGE???? WHY NOT DOES GOD WRITE BETTER BOOKS??? ER???


WHY ER DOES GOD EXIST???? UM?


WHY NOT GOD FOR TO SHOW THAT HE EXIST BY FOR TO ANNOUNCIN" IT ON TELEVISIONS???


WHY NOT GOD BRING DEAD PEOPLE BACK? WHAT? OH I ALREDY ASKER THAT"S ONE???

I DID? WHY I DID GOD DID FOR CREATE WORLD??? WHY DOES GOD EAT STAN?

I MEAN< PEANUT BUTTTER AND JELLY???

I MEAN, WHY DID GOD EAT SATAN< OR I ASK WHY FOR TO NOT GOD EAT SATAN AND FART HELL?

AND WHY DID I CREATE GOD??? THAT"S THE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



WHY DID I, DID I -- CRATE GOD??????? I MAKE BEST WEB PAGE OF YEAR AND EVEN BOB DOLE WILL ENDORSE FOR MY WEB SITE!!!! AND THAT STEVEN RICHARD DICKINS GUY.... ERRRR... DICKHEAD WHO WROTE THE BOB DELUSION... I LIKES HIM!!! HE SAY THAT RELIGION IS SO DUMB YER MOM TELLS YOU TO PRAY AT NIGHT THAT YOU DON'T DIE!!!!!!!!! BUT WE ALL DIE, MAMA ALWAYS SAID THAT< BUT MAMA IS STUPID< NOW SHE"S DEAD??? HAR HAR!!!!


It didn't take a rocket scientist, a minister, and a doctor to tell you all that did it???? I get the idea you're just a one-legged pissed off hillbilly who may or may not know if he has a penis. How am I doing so far?


You're retarded, and I had to stop by to write this much...


-- From [name removed]

(the email account this is coming from is one I'm using is just my friend's, which I logged in to HIS computer and he let me use HIS email to write this, so don't take out your anger and sent his email off to 1,000 spammers -- he's not responsible for my actions; in fact, he's upset I even wrote this, but he said go ahead he can always create a new email if you screw him over)


V/R,

[name removed]
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn

Offline One Above All

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2012, 05:23:29 PM »
BM
The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
We choose our own gods.

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Offline Azdgari

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2012, 05:24:20 PM »
Dear Ordained Minister,

Is this what your sermons usually sound like?  If so, are audio or video recordings available?
The highest moral human authority is copied by our Gandhi neurons through observation.

Offline eye over you

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2012, 05:45:04 PM »
     I smell ALCOHOL.. &)
Don't let your mouth write checks that your ass can't cash.

Offline Timtheskeptic

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2012, 05:49:35 PM »
oh wow. All i can do is laugh!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Me:What are you looking at Eminem?
Brother: Nothing, Harry Potter.

I love to read books, just not your Bible. i support gay rights and women's rights. Why? Because i'm tired of the hate, stupidity, and your desire to control us all and make up lies.

Offline Gracie

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2012, 06:04:19 PM »
Is that you under the influence, Mr. Phelps?

Have a blessed day! &)

Offline Quesi

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2012, 06:05:05 PM »
I see two twelve year old boys, one of whom is not a native English speaker, taking turns typing on a computer that mom and dad paid for with money that did not grow on trees. There are two very distinct syntaxes in the letter. I'm guessing mom and dad go to one of those prosperity gospel churches. 

But I find myself intrigued by the complexity of the arguments.  Money does not grow on trees, therefore god exists.   But money is printed on paper, and paper comes from trees. 

These guys have convinced me.  I'm going to convert to druidism during the next full moon, and dedicate the rest of my life to tree worship. 

Offline eye over you

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2012, 06:09:31 PM »
There are two very distinct syntaxes in the letter.

      I noticed that too...very strange.
Don't let your mouth write checks that your ass can't cash.

Offline jetson

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2012, 06:11:09 PM »
Dave Mabus?  Is that you?

Offline ParkingPlaces

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2012, 06:17:19 PM »
Obviously the writer used his own email address. Not that we ever get to see it, but maybe he is a christian (or they). Because he can't lie for crap.

On the bright side, he renewed my lack of faith in humanity.
Not everyone is entitled to their own opinion. They're all entitled to mine though.

Offline Seppuku

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2012, 06:30:49 PM »
Erm...wow, just...wow. Either:

Troll
Poe
An excellent comedian come to brighten our day.
Idiot
A very, very angry and petty person.

If either of the last two, he's comepletely gone off the wall and missed the point and obviously incapable of considering the *other* point of view, let alone listening to anybody. Which I think is a sad state of affairs and I hope he doesn't sign up. Even if we are to get some of the crazier people joining the forum, I would much prefer it if they can coherently string a sentence together.

If one of the first 3, whilst it may be fun if you signed up, but to be honest, we like people who can contribute intellectually. Fun & games are a secondary thing.
“It is difficult to understand the universe if you only study one planet” - Miyamoto Musashi
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Offline Kimberly

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2012, 08:02:09 PM »
A drunk, angry, 14 year old, foreign speaking, troll. Who doesn't have their own email address and is afraid Mommy and Daddy are gonna get mad when they find out they wrote such a hypocritical letter that contradicts their faith. Either that or they are paranoid that we will track down the IP and burn an amputated darwin fish in their lawn.
Thank you for considering my point of view; however wrong it may be to you.

Offline Nick

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2012, 08:28:45 PM »
This one may go down as the top 3 mailbag posts.  He was right about one thing.  We will run into a mentally challenged fundamentalist Christian.
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!

Offline Chronos

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2012, 08:32:35 PM »
I see two twelve year old boys, one of whom is not a native English speaker, taking turns typing on a computer that mom and dad paid for with money that did not grow on trees. There are two very distinct syntaxes in the letter.

That's what I thought.

The first paragraph seemed nearly grammatically correct (with a forgivable lapse of proper use of SHIFT), but after that it went progressively down hill. This person took some time to type up a response, so maybe each subsequent paragraph was written after each subsequent refill of their glass?

And, if you are so into god, why are you using that much alcohol?



John 14:2 :: In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

Offline mrbiscoop

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2012, 09:36:08 PM »
Good Christian values.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Offline rev45

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2012, 09:39:27 PM »
But I find myself intrigued by the complexity of the arguments.  Money does not grow on trees, therefore god exists.   But money is printed on paper, and paper comes from trees. 
Not trees really, more of a linen cotton blend. 
http://videos.howstuffworks.com/howstuffworks/54-how-money-is-made-video.htm
Here read a book.  It's free.
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Offline Emily

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2012, 10:01:36 PM »
I DID? WHY I DID GOD DID FOR CREATE WORLD??? WHY DOES GOD EAT STAN?

OH NO, NOT STAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!11111111!!!!!! Anyone but Stan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

poor, poor Stan. He never had a chance. I'll miss you, Stan. Love ya  :-*

Em

« Last Edit: June 06, 2012, 10:03:17 PM by Emily »
"Great moments are born from great opportunities." Herb Brooks

I edit a lot of my posts. The reason being it to add content or to correct grammar/wording. All edits to remove wording get a strike through through the wording.

Offline JeffPT

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2012, 10:05:46 PM »

- HE WILL FILL WITH THE DESIRE TO HAVE BOOBS in not just ONE but BOTH your hands, but you will be cursed to have one hand always preoccupied with your continual LUST for BOOBS and the other hand will be confused about what your other hand is doing -- unlike what you should be doing, which is... guess what?


I stopped reading here.  He's right.  God must be real because I freakin' love boobs. 
Whenever events that are purported to occur in our best interest are as numerous as the events that will just as soon kill us, then intent is hard, if not impossible to assert. NDT

Offline Emily

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2012, 10:11:26 PM »
Stan loved boobs too. Look what happened to him.
"Great moments are born from great opportunities." Herb Brooks

I edit a lot of my posts. The reason being it to add content or to correct grammar/wording. All edits to remove wording get a strike through through the wording.

Offline Timtheskeptic

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2012, 10:11:46 PM »
This one may go down as the top 3 mailbag posts.  He was right about one thing.  We will run into a mentally challenged fundamentalist Christian.

yep and this one's one of them if he or she isn't a poe.
Me:What are you looking at Eminem?
Brother: Nothing, Harry Potter.

I love to read books, just not your Bible. i support gay rights and women's rights. Why? Because i'm tired of the hate, stupidity, and your desire to control us all and make up lies.

Offline Chronos

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2012, 10:58:33 PM »

OH NO, NOT STAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!11111111!!!!!! Anyone but Stan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Is it because they already killed Kenny?

John 14:2 :: In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

Offline Traveler

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2012, 11:05:06 PM »
 :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.

Offline Quesi

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #22 on: June 07, 2012, 05:44:05 AM »
But I find myself intrigued by the complexity of the arguments.  Money does not grow on trees, therefore god exists.   But money is printed on paper, and paper comes from trees. 
Not trees really, more of a linen cotton blend. 
http://videos.howstuffworks.com/howstuffworks/54-how-money-is-made-video.htm

So you are saying that I should worship linen/cotton blends?  I've always considered those sorts of blends to be an abomination.  I guess if I don't wear it, it will be ok.  Right?  http://bible.cc/deuteronomy/22-11.htm

Offline oogabooga

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #23 on: June 07, 2012, 07:19:02 AM »
But I find myself intrigued by the complexity of the arguments.  Money does not grow on trees, therefore god exists.   But money is printed on paper, and paper comes from trees. 
Not trees really, more of a linen cotton blend. 
http://videos.howstuffworks.com/howstuffworks/54-how-money-is-made-video.htm
That must be the reason why god hates money! It's a linen-cotton blend! A no-no! That's why all the clergy is so poor, isn't it? Because god hates the abominable combination of two different materials? Right?

I think I'm confused now. And for some reason I feel the need to add: There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I'm having a strange day. At least I hope it's just that.
Excreta Occurs

Offline Hatter23

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #24 on: June 07, 2012, 08:43:56 AM »
Hey Idiot,  ....

Yeah yeah were all so horrible but...I still don't see an answer to:


WHY WON'T GOD HEAL AMPUTEES?

If you could answer the question at length, that would be enlightening. Thank you.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2012, 08:46:32 AM by Hatter23 »
An Omnipowerful God needed to sacrifice himself to himself (but only for a long weekend) in order to avert his own wrath against his own creations who he made in a manner knowing that they weren't going to live up to his standards.

And you should feel guilty for this. Give me money.

Offline Graybeard

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #25 on: June 07, 2012, 09:23:54 AM »
"WHY HAS NOT THE FOR TO GOD MAKE MONEY FOR TO GROW ON TREES????"

Uh, why was not money for grow on threes? Why has not money grows on their trees?

Why doesn't the money for the tree grows?

Why??? WHy are not the money grow on thar trees????????????????

WHY NOT GOD MAKE MORE MONEY GROW FOR ON THE TO FOR THE TREESSSSS??????/

Does not the for money grow for the grow um, ON THE TREES???? ON THERE TREES???
1Tm:6:10: For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

Phi:4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.


But more importantly, there is the serious consideration of monetary inflation each fall.
RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Ambrose Bierce

Offline screwtape

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #26 on: June 07, 2012, 11:25:25 AM »
It looks like you have blessed us:
Luke 6:22
Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil


You should hope there is no God.  Because you are a bad Christian and a horrible person.

Matt 5:43-45
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.


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Offline voodoo child

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #27 on: June 07, 2012, 12:11:52 PM »
From mentally deranged letter writer
Quote
Come on, tell me the truth, what is your deficiency? It CAN'T just be random. You put this whole thing together with an INTENT and a serious motive. I mean.... look at it from MY point of view, I'm an ordained minister who hates almost EVERY other minister and thinks almost 99.9% of Christians are stupid, and almost incapable of knowing anything useful about what they actually "think" they believe... and half of them believe in God because they're just scared of hell (which I have yet to tell the world in writing, is just a myth -- that HELLFIRE is not a real thing, and hell is as imaginary as unicorns)


There's an atheist born every day, I would say you are on your way.

oh, and lay off the booze for awhile.
The classical man is just a bundle of routine, ideas and tradition. If you follow the classical pattern, you are understanding the routine, the tradition, the shadow, you are not understanding yourself. Truth has no path. Truth is living and therefore changing. Bruce lee

Offline Nick

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Re: You're Insane [#2652]
« Reply #28 on: June 07, 2012, 12:58:40 PM »
The trees are the right height in Michigan. :)
Yo, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  Quit ragging on my Lord.

Tide goes in, tide goes out !!!