meconopsilo, you need to take a deep breathe and slow down. There is no way anyone here can keep up with the plethora of posts you are cranking out. Nor are there many who would want to bother because most of them either contain little useful information or are nothing but examples of how a frazzled mind communicates.
If you had joined the same day I did 2 1/2 years ago, and posted at your current rate, you would have 57,000 posts by now, while I, a fairly prolific poster by our forums standards, have something like 3,300. Not even all of mine get read.
The purpose of participating in a forum is to both give and receive. Give your point of view, contribute to the various discussions, etc. And receive, by reading and thinking about what others have written. A thought process is normally involved in both cases.
Right now you have us perplexed. You have very unusual points of view (such as on your aging situation) that you just assume we will accept at face value without further explanation. Your intro made it sound like we should be disappointed that you won't provide heroin recipes, etc., while I daresay we don't have a single member actually interested in such things.
We certainly have people your age and younger, plus many much older, such as myself. We vary in a lot of ways, but virtually all of our regular members can a)communicate clearly and b) control their urge to just say everything that pops into their head. Most of us try to be a bit discriminating, knowing that if we are going to put something online, it should have some redeeming social value, or at least be funny. We do banter about meaningless crap in our "Chatter" section from time to time, but most of us are here for the purpose of having serious discussions about issues that concern us. Related to religion and atheism.
This issue, however you spell it, relates slightly if you are a choirboy in the catholic church and a victim. Otherwise the subject has little relevance to the issues we want to discuss. And if all of us could decide in any haphazard way we wanted to kill every person who ever pissed us off, for whatever reason, the world population would get down to one real quick. And that last person may or may not be you.
Not everyone here is extraordinarily serious about everything, but none of the others are frivolous about everything. From the way you write and based on some of the things you've said, it is easy for us to dismiss you as either a current or recovering junky, or someone with a genuine mental illness. If we are wrong, it is not because we are bad guessers, but rather that you are not very good at behaving normally. At least by our standards.
We have all sorts of people here. We have a satanist or two. A few pagans. And music wise, we certainly have a few people into heavy metal. We also have folks who have no religious or other beliefs worth labeling, who love folk or classical or, and I hesitate to say this, even western. But whatever our personal tastes, we seldom let them take center stage as we discuss the issues of the day. The forum is about the huge problems we see with religion and our counter-argument of atheism. It is not about us as individuals. Though we as individuals certainly have our quirks, they seldom reveal themselves as we comment and argue and agree or disagree.
But until now, we haven't had a you. Especially with your posting style.
It is fine to use personal examples when such things are relevant to the discussion. It is useless to dwell on the self when that is all you want to talk about. None of us are required to read your posts. And if that is all you can discuss, most of us won't.
You are on the internet. If you want a banana pudding recipe, Google will give you almost 12 million hits to comb through. If you are an atheist and want to state your views in a public way, WWGHA is a good place to do it. But remember, the forum is about the discussion, not those doing the talking. And for that reason, your contributions to date have added very little. Your quantity/quality ratio is very low.
Chemicals aren't the only thing with unstable half-lives. If you don't calm yourself and make an effort to contribute to something besides discussions about yourself, this isn't going to work out well for you.