Hi my name is Bryan. I was brought up as a Lutheran um but i never truely felt or believed in "God" deep down inside even though i argued on "his" side and called myself a believer. What a hypocrite lol...
Anyways while i was being brought up i tried hard to believe in Jesus and while in Sunday school every Sunday i heard of all the "good" in the bible and the power of prayer. I prayed a lot the first 17 years of my life because i had a rough childhood in which i was bullied and/or beat up at school only to be physically and emotionally abused at home by my dad. At the age of 7 i tried taking my life for the first time because nothing got better no matter how hard i prayed. As time went on shit got worse yet i still tried believing in god. Eventually i would lose 12 friends from the time i was 17-20 from things such as suicides, 2 murders, drug overdoses, a drowning, and a car accident. I became a pill poppin, heroin junkie, alcoholic and ended up hospitilized 13 times from oding and suicide attempts. I still tryed believing in a God until about a couple weeks ago.
I was on youtube and stumbled onto the God Is Imaginary videos and i started to watch the one about how the bible was repulsived. I lol'ed. And i watched every video i could and rewatched them time and time again. I always thought about the chance that there wasnt a god in particular the god of the bible but these gave reasons i never thought of. Like whats actually in the bible. Its amazing how you never hear about some of the repulsive shit in sermons or in sunday school.
I tend to think a lot about things and some say i think to much. I even think i do. Ive spent most my time the last few weeks thinking about how sick and twisted the bible is. I bought one and have been highlighting stuff in it constantly. Ive been trying to rethink my life and see how things have gone wrong and why.
Life these last few weeks have become extrordinarilly more clearer. I for the first time in my life have a sense of peace and comfort. I dont feel as depressed that someone/thing just refuses to answer my prayers. I feel comfort in living for the moment and not having to worry that there is a predetermined plan for my life.
Im looking forward to getting to know and learning from some of yall on this board. Please excuse some of my grammar and spelling errors as i am using an iPad and its a big pain in the ass. It takes a long time to make posts (this took me 58 mins) and i have fat fingers so trying to get to an error to correct it frustrates me more than almost anything on this planet.