Author Topic: You know what would be totally awesome?  (Read 290 times)

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Offline pianodwarf

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You know what would be totally awesome?
« on: May 04, 2012, 08:49:26 AM »
The entire Bible rewritten in "Newspeak", from Orwell's "Nineteen Eighty-Four".

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yahweh instruction firstpeople permission granted eat from alltrees exception knowledgetree fruit doubleplusungood deathsource

snaketalk doublespeak counterclaim knowledgetree fruit not ungood deathsource

firstwoman crimethink accept snaketalk doublespeak claim knowledgetree fruiteat also feed firstman

yahweh penalty snaketalk bellycrawl dusteat penalty firstwoman doubleplusungood laborpains penalty firstman hardwork bread unlike snaketalk snakebite footcrush

And of course, converting anything written by Paul would be the easiest part.

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sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime sexcrime
[On how kangaroos could have gotten back to Australia after the flood]:  Don't kangaroos skip along the surface of the water? --Kenn

Offline velkyn

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Re: You know what would be totally awesome?
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2012, 01:08:40 PM »
hah!  pretty neat.  ;D

John 3:16

yahweh unbadwise world
believe doubleplusgood only son
live doubleplusgood life undeathsource
yahweh uncrimethinkwise  doubleplusgood
"There is no use in arguing with a man who can multiply anything by the square root of minus 1" - Pirates of Venus, ERB

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Offline Zankuu

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Re: You know what would be totally awesome?
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2012, 02:40:25 PM »
Haha! That's a funny thought, piano!

Deuteronomy 25:12

equalmen fight, comrade of goodman unsave other
crimegrab other goodmans goodsexpart
instruction for doers, doublepluschop unperson hand
party show plusunmercy
Leave nothing to chance. Overlook nothing. Combine contradictory observations. Allow yourself enough time. -Hippocrates of Cos

Offline Graybeard

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Re: You know what would be totally awesome?
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2012, 03:54:56 PM »
Then there's the pigin version:
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GOSPEL WEY JON RITE
JON CHAPTA 1
How God Word Com Mit Us
1 From wen taim bigin na im di word dey, and di word dey wit God, and God kpa kpa Imsef na im bi di word. 2 Di word dey wit God from wen taim bigin. 3 Na im make everitin and if no bi sey na in make dem, dem for nor dey for dis world. 4 Na im bi life and dat life na im bi di lite wey pipol get. 5 Di lite dey shine for darkness but darkness no gri wit Am.
Joh:1:1: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Joh:1:2: The same was in the beginning with God.
Joh:1:3: All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
Joh:1:4: In him was life; and the life was the light of men.
Joh:1:5: And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Ambrose Bierce

Offline Zankuu

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Re: You know what would be totally awesome?
« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2012, 04:04:41 PM »
Gray, that looks a lot like the Lolcat Bible translation that hermes brought to our attention years back. They started the project back in '07. I'm not sure if they ever finished.

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Genesis 1
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite?

...but you can see why it would be a grueling task for a lesser masochist.
Leave nothing to chance. Overlook nothing. Combine contradictory observations. Allow yourself enough time. -Hippocrates of Cos

Offline flapdoodle64

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Re: You know what would be totally awesome?
« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2012, 04:55:01 PM »
A while back it occurred to me that Orwell's concept of Doublethink as described in 1984 must originate from his study of Christian intellectuals:

"To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to believe that democracy was impossible and that the Party was the guardian of democracy, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it was needed, and then promptly to forget it again: and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself. That was the ultimate subtlety: consciously to induce unconsciousness, and then, once again, to become unconscious of the act of hypnosis you had just performed. Even to understand the word ‘doublethink’ involved the use of doublethink." -Orwell

I think this discription applies to religious intellectuals just as well, or perhaps even better than, political minds. 

Offline MadBunny

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Re: You know what would be totally awesome?
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2012, 05:00:12 PM »
Ok props for those newspeak sections.
I tried to do a few of them, and failed utterly.

My efforts were "double plus ungood"
Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night.  Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.